Roughest bird you have nailed.

[Its grim up north!]

Quote[/b] (Guest @ Mar. 22 2006,17:13)]Me and my mates called her Jimmy after Jimmy Krankie. Small round thing from Darlington at a weekend pi$$ up in Morcambe. Somehow her midgetness and rotund figure coupled with much egging on by mates made her my target for the night. I managed to charm her back to my B&B and the warning signs should have happened the way she demolished a Supersize Kebab, smoking Filterless Camels at the same time.
That she wanted to do the tongues and kissing after the kebab and her chain smoking when back at the B&B meant i had to use double-plus charm to get her on all fours quickly so i didn't have to kiss her or.... look at her.
To this day since i have never found the sound of fanny farts funny.
Next morning I breathed a sigh of relief in that she had gone, but there she was outside the patio, smoking. Unaware I was there, she phlegmed up an almighty ball of sh*t and spat it out over the second floor balcony, lifting her leg up and parped a good proper trumpet recto plasm.

Eventually she saw me and asked if we "could do it again."

...of course she had to go an all 4's

Just laughed my tits off!

Class!!!!!!!

 

[Its grim up north!]

I remember my brother taking home a right old munter from Brazil once!

 

[Napster]

Quote[/b] (Hong Kong Blue @ Mar. 25 2006,00:10)]

Quote[/b] (Napster @ Mar. 24 2006,10:41)]I'm keeping quiet.

But for anyone who remembers Barry from Cardiff (the first time)!!!

You pulled a bloke called Barry from Cardiff?

And more than once?

Bloody hell, Naps. I think you win.

very droll. you should be an english teacher

 

[Usual_Suspect]

Quote[/b] (Napster @ Mar. 27 2006,13:15)]

Quote[/b] (Hong Kong Blue @ Mar. 25 2006,00:10)]

Quote[/b] (Napster @ Mar. 24 2006,10:41)]I'm keeping quiet.

But for anyone who remembers Barry from Cardiff (the first time)!!!

You pulled a bloke called Barry from Cardiff?

And more than once?

Bloody hell, Naps. I think you win.

very droll. you should be an english teacher

Would that be the same bird he was trying to convince that he wasn't married?

 

[sufcintheprem]

How did I never see this. I think it should be pinned!!!

 

[Napster]

Quote[/b] (Usual_Suspect @ Mar. 27 2006,14:06)]

Quote[/b] (Napster @ Mar. 27 2006,13:15)]

Quote[/b] (Hong Kong Blue @ Mar. 25 2006,00:10)]

Quote[/b] (Napster @ Mar. 24 2006,10:41)]I'm keeping quiet.

But for anyone who remembers Barry from Cardiff (the first time)!!!

You pulled a bloke called Barry from Cardiff?

And more than once?

Bloody hell, Naps. I think you win.

very droll. you should be an english teacher

Would that be the same bird he was trying to convince that he wasn't married?

probably

 

[Lucas D]

5 years ago, Magaluf...... genetic concoction of Capser the friendly ghost, Heidi Hi and Giant Haystack with a....................yes, a Welsh accent.

It had been a good night, my mates thught it would be funny to spike my drink.
Under normal circumstances I am always game for a laugh but if I had known
who/what I would end up with at the end of the night it would have been a
different story.

Later on in the night when I was truly "away with the fairies" (i wish) my mate
proceeded the hatching of their plot, picked me up and placed me on this monster.
GAME OVER.

I woke up on the balcony of our hotel room on top of this thing, supposedly a female.
I got off her and realised my 1 of my mates was there peaking through the curtain
with a camera (dont you love mates)....... i was in not state for fisty cuffs so I crashed
out on the bed, the monster wouldnt get the hint and stuck around in the room......
what a mistake that was!

Not too long after my mates come crashing through the door brandishing BB guns and
took it upon themselve to slay the beast by shooting it in the arse.......

I'll leave the rest to your imagination.

 

[Bentley's Absurd Gait]

DtS - I believe this is the one?

Me and my mates called her Jimmy after Jimmy Krankie. Small round thing from Darlington at a weekend pi$$ up in Morcambe. Somehow her midgetness and rotund figure coupled with much egging on by mates made her my target for the night. I managed to charm her back to my B&B and the warning signs should have happened the way she demolished a Supersize Kebab, smoking Filterless Camels at the same time.
That she wanted to do the tongues and kissing after the kebab and her chain smoking when back at the B&B meant i had to use double-plus charm to get her on all fours quickly so i didn't have to kiss her or.... look at her.
To this day since i have never found the sound of fanny farts funny.
Next morning I breathed a sigh of relief in that she had gone, but there she was outside the patio, smoking. Unaware I was there, she phlegmed up an almighty ball of sh*t and spat it out over the second floor balcony, lifting her leg up and parped a good proper trumpet recto plasm.

Eventually she saw me and asked if we "could do it again."

...of course she had to go an all 4's

Quality......

 

[londonblue]

Well, I've seen Barry at work in Reflex and it was... well... striking.

Let's just say that I had no idea that snogging had so much in common with Greco-Roman wrestling - or at least that Barris's snogging could be so... physical!

That reminds me of a story I was told by a Kiwi I used to work with. (I'm sure i've mentioned it on here before.) Anyway, one day he turned up at work with a black eye, and various other aches and pains. We asked him what had happened, and he told us that he had got very drunk the night before and pulled a huge one. (I think she was also a Kiwi.) He took her back to his place and got her in bed. Apparently she was a bit rough with him to start with, and got worse. He said that at one point she was on top and started to strangle him thinking he would like it. When he was nearly out of breath and didn't have the energy fight her off, or to tell her to get off he started to panic, and did the only thing he could think of. He lumped her one. And nearly knocked her out!

Needless to say that kind of broke the mood and he scarpered!

 

[Bentley's Absurd Gait]

I've not seen the girl in question, and apparently she wasn't all that bad at all, physically speaking, but her 'liberated' way of thinking gives me cause to mention her on this thread.

A mate of mine was talking to some Aussie bird, and making headway. He was an Old School type, Cambridge and Sandhurst and all that, but he still wanted to get his old chap wet and was trying to veer the conversation in that direction. Latching on to his veiled advances, the 'lady' boomed:

'So it's a f@ck you're after love? Well I've got a rag in at the minute, but you can take me up the sh!tter if you like.'

I cannot report that the respectable gentleman retreated from the scene. He did the decent thing and earned his brown wings.

 

[Pubey]

pin this thread... it's genius!

i'll post my story after the weekend... i'm off now, see you at tranmere!

 

[Shrimper2thecore]

5 years ago, Magaluf...... genetic concoction of Capser the friendly ghost, Heidi Hi and Giant Haystack with a....................yes, a Welsh accent.

It had been a good night, my mates thught it would be funny to spike my drink.
Under normal circumstances I am always game for a laugh but if I had known
who/what I would end up with at the end of the night it would have been a
different story.

Later on in the night when I was truly "away with the fairies" (i wish) my mate
proceeded the hatching of their plot, picked me up and placed me on this monster.
GAME OVER.

I woke up on the balcony of our hotel room on top of this thing, supposedly a female.
I got off her and realised my 1 of my mates was there peaking through the curtain
with a camera (dont you love mates)....... i was in not state for fisty cuffs so I crashed
out on the bed, the monster wouldnt get the hint and stuck around in the room......
what a mistake that was!

Not too long after my mates come crashing through the door brandishing BB guns and
took it upon themselve to slay the beast by shooting it in the ****.......

I'll leave the rest to your imagination.

Haha fantastic, at least they shot the **** out of her for you

 

[Sherif H]

Cheers lads...this thread has brightened up an otherwise mundane day of checking through drawings!

 

[Bentley's Absurd Gait]

Nothing to add. Just a bump.

 

[Pubey]

i lost my v to a slightly overweight ginger from colchester... which says it all really

 

[Interpol Shrimper]

i lost my v to a slightly overweight ginger from colchester... which says it all really

Not Perry Groves? :stunned:

 

[derek duvall]

fat, ginger and from ipswich. she gave me thrush and made my nipples bleed. Needless to say i escaped at first light pride swollen

 

[HawkwellShrimper]

I had never experienced a girl with a 'bucket' till a few months ago. It was the sh!ttest sha'g I have ever had! Im always into trying new things, and the boys said that I should try a different kind of girl instead of the normal nice bod nice face, so I went for a bit of plumper, nice face, infact very nice face, but a body like V. Feltz. I don't recommend the larger girl,,, although she did give good head, her poonanie was just majorly loose and she claimed to have no kids! Worrying.

 

[Winkle]

I do remember reading this thread and wetting myself but not posting in fear of bringing back horrific memories.

December the 31st 1984, new years eve , me and my mate dave totally tanked up to the hilt crashed a party down the road to enjoy some free booze and see the new year in with a bang. The party was in full swing and we was patroling the vicinity for any totty that was available or looked half shaggable. It seemed very apparant that the only girls left was the two mingers that were standing out in the kitchen supping a party four! One looked as though she was bullimic and had amnesia, because she simply forgot to throw up resulting in a waist line of monumental proportions. Her best friend however I had recently seen in the michael jackson video thriller(the wolf in the background) because her upper jaw line pertruded some several inches from her lower. It was a tough call but I went for the obese one but only on the condition that I had to get even more s***faced because I could never ever contemplate it sober. We chatted, she worked on a kebab van down the road , we danced abit, and she rammed her anaconda tongue down my throat so hard, I nearly reched , and come 12 oclock I was ready for the taking.
We went upstairs and collapsed on the bed underneath several coats, were she grabbed the little general and started doing her impercination of the alien out of alien. From what I can recall, I either lost consoiusness or have tried to block it out of my mind for some 25 years but I turned her over and saw the biggest beaver I have ever ever seen in all my life, abit like rolf harris'es beard (no shape, just a mass of hair). I did go for it *shamefully* but no amount of cajouling was ever going to make me do the deed and after about 20 minutes, I threw the towel in and got off. Her hair had a large doner smell about it which made me vomit all over somebodys nice jacket and I collapsed into a heaving wreck on the floor. I dont remember much else, except waking up a few hours later on my own, and no one to be seen. I scarpered quick time and walked several miles home to my lovely warm bed. I got up about mid afternoon trying to recall the previous nights events only for my mother to say " some bird as been ringing up all day to day wanting to speak to you" ... please tell me I didnt... please.... yes I had, given her my phone number. It turned out indeed I had passed out and not one for passing up a moment my mate dave nailed her as well.... happy days!

 

[DTS]

I do remember reading this thread and wetting myself but not posting in fear of bringing back horrific memories.

December the 31st 1984, new years eve , me and my mate dave totally tanked up to the hilt crashed a party down the road to enjoy some free booze and see the new year in with a bang. The party was in full swing and we was patroling the vicinity for any totty that was available or looked half shaggable. It seemed very apparant that the only girls left was the two mingers that were standing out in the kitchen supping a party four! One looked as though she was bullimic and had amnesia, because she simply forgot to throw up resulting in a waist line of monumental proportions. Her best friend however I had recently seen in the michael jackson video thriller(the wolf in the background) because her upper jaw line pertruded some several inches from her lower. It was a tough call but I went for the obese one but only on the condition that I had to get even more s***faced because I could never ever contemplate it sober. We chatted, she worked on a kebab van down the road , we danced abit, and she rammed her anaconda tongue down my throat so hard, I nearly reched , and come 12 oclock I was ready for the taking.
We went upstairs and collapsed on the bed underneath several coats, were she grabbed the little general and started doing her impercination of the alien out of alien. From what I can recall, I either lost consoiusness or have tried to block it out of my mind for some 25 years but I turned her over and saw the biggest beaver I have ever ever seen in all my life, abit like rolf harris'es beard (no shape, just a mass of hair). I did go for it *shamefully* but no amount of cajouling was ever going to make me do the deed and after about 20 minutes, I threw the towel in and got off. Her hair had a large doner smell about it which made me vomit all over somebodys nice jacket and I collapsed into a heaving wreck on the floor. I dont remember much else, except waking up a few hours later on my own, and no one to be seen. I scarpered quick time and walked several miles home to my lovely warm bed. I got up about mid afternoon trying to recall the previous nights events only for my mother to say " some bird as been ringing up all day to day wanting to speak to you" ... please tell me I didnt... please.... yes I had, given her my phone number. It turned out indeed I had passed out and not one for passing up a moment my mate dave nailed her as well.... happy days!

:clap: Classic Winkle..... You can always be relied upon to set a new record...

That just sounds rough....