toellandback
Andy Cap
I see MFI are on the brink of collapse..
Very much like the wardrobes I bought from them.
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What do you call lesbians in a field full of dildos?
Squatters.
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My father in law handed me a note on my wedding day saying, "Goods delivered are non-returnable."
I handed it back and said, "Contract void if seal is broken."
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I've just been to visit my mum in hospital.
In the car park, there's a sign: "CAR THIEVES OPERATING HERE".
I thought "That's taking community service a bit too far."
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Yesterday evening, I had to change a lightbulb. A bit later on, I crossed the road and walked into a bar.
I realised my life was a big joke.
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I see Boomerangs are making a comeback.
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Ordered some stuff online the other day & I used my donor card instead of my debit card.
Cost me an arm and a leg.
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Microsoft's new Windows advert talks about life without walls...
Surely life without walls is a Window's worst nightmare???
---
A man walked into a pub, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be ten pence."
"Ten pence?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A pound," the barman replied.
"A pound?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied, "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
---
Just been to the gym and there's a new machine there.
I only used it for about an hour, as I started to feel sick, but it's great: it's got KitKats, Mars bars, crisps and everything in it.
Very much like the wardrobes I bought from them.
---
What do you call lesbians in a field full of dildos?
Squatters.
---
My father in law handed me a note on my wedding day saying, "Goods delivered are non-returnable."
I handed it back and said, "Contract void if seal is broken."
---
I've just been to visit my mum in hospital.
In the car park, there's a sign: "CAR THIEVES OPERATING HERE".
I thought "That's taking community service a bit too far."
---
Yesterday evening, I had to change a lightbulb. A bit later on, I crossed the road and walked into a bar.
I realised my life was a big joke.
---
I see Boomerangs are making a comeback.
---
Ordered some stuff online the other day & I used my donor card instead of my debit card.
Cost me an arm and a leg.
---
Microsoft's new Windows advert talks about life without walls...
Surely life without walls is a Window's worst nightmare???
---
A man walked into a pub, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be ten pence."
"Ten pence?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A pound," the barman replied.
"A pound?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied, "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
---
Just been to the gym and there's a new machine there.
I only used it for about an hour, as I started to feel sick, but it's great: it's got KitKats, Mars bars, crisps and everything in it.
