Question Is it acceptable to break up a new relationship?

[MK Shrimper]

I can categorically say that if the relationship was longer, and I had any inkling that she was happy with this guy, then I wouldn't go near.


If it helps at all, One of the only things about said bloke that I know is that he is a Dirty Hammer.

I've changed my mind. Get in there :D

 

[McNasty]

Have a go bloke, it is better to regret something you have done than regret something you haven't.
It's only a short life.

 

[Slipperduke]

When she's married, engaged or has spawned with the chap in question then stay away, but you've got a green light to her at the moment.

She's obviously not that keen on this bloke if she was hanging off your lips over Christmas, so make an approach as soon as possible. You don't know him, so there's no point wrestling with your consicence.

She might rebuff your advances straight away, in which case you know where you stand and it's over at the bar talking to someone else. But if you don't try it, you might run the risk of regretting it for some time to come.

 

[Einstein]

Just think though fella , if she's willing to do the dirt on him for you , whats to say once your with her for a few months that some other fella is not gonna try and weasel her away from you and as she has previous it may come back to haunt you and you can have no qualms about it .

If she finishes with the fella . leave it a while and then get involved .

I like this advice, however I personally look at it in a different light with a couple of scenarios;

- You take a chance on her. She immediately declines telling you she was drunk and it was a massive mistake. You head down the pub to drown your sorrows and find the nearest Eastbourne slapper to belt instead.

- You take a chance on her. She immediately accepts and you get the deed done. It's a simple affair where you get your end away and she continues her 'loving' relationship. This will be an indicator in that as Duncan says - if she does it to him - she could quite possibly do it to you. Depending on your view, but I wouldn't then even consider it a relationship prospect, but you still get your piece of the cake. (As a single guy - that could be the only aim!)

- You take a chance on her. She immediately declines, but makes clear it is only because she has a boyfriend. She asks you to give her a couple of days/weeks to sort out her situation. You then get together when she's single and you get the deed done. IMO you'd automatically have a bit more respect for her, and therefore already has relationship prospects. Who knows where it could go!

Basically - depends if you are looking for just getting laid or a relationship, but both my scenarios involve you making sure she's evidently aware of your interest!

 

[Ricey]

People of SZ, here's something to muller over on a Miserable Monday afternoon...

Having broken up with my ex in October, I've been single for around 3 months and have enjoyed the freedom... However living in a house with 5 other lads, all of which birded up, it gets a bit irritating when I find myself a house full of couples on occasion.

Over christmas I met up with a girl I knew from School/Work who looked stunning. We do have a bit of previous, we've shared the drunken kiss and spent hours flirting, but never actually went all the way and done the deed. She's a good mate of mine and we met up a few times and I though there was still something there and, according to her mate I know, she thought the same.

The hitch is, rather expectedly, she's seeing someone. Talking to her mate, she's only been seeing him for around 6 weeks to 2 months and she isn't quite sure she should be. I've been urged to go for it, pledging the 3 month rule as an excuse, but I'm not entirely sure. I know who the guy is, but i've never spoken a word to him in my life.

I am in the same boat at the moment, almost exactly the same LOL! And I am doing the same I am going to go for it... Things aren't great with her and this bloke she has been seeing so hopefully I can swoop in for the kill ;) Does she really like this bloke she is seeing?

 

[MK Shrimper]

I am in the same boat at the moment, almost exactly the same LOL! And I am doing the same I am going to go for it... Things aren't great with him and this bloke he has been seeing so hopefully I can swoop in for the kill ;)

Edited for gayness porpoises.

 

[Ricey]

Edited for gayness porpoises.

Your such an attention seeker stop posting pictures of yourself you fat ugly gay **** ;)

 

[Aberdeen Shrimper]

People of SZ, here's something to muller over on a Miserable Monday afternoon...

Having broken up with my ex in October, I've been single for around 3 months and have enjoyed the freedom... However living in a house with 5 other lads, all of which birded up, it gets a bit irritating when I find myself a house full of couples on occasion.

Over christmas I met up with a girl I knew from School/Work who looked stunning. We do have a bit of previous, we've shared the drunken kiss and spent hours flirting, but never actually went all the way and done the deed. She's a good mate of mine and we met up a few times and I though there was still something there and, according to her mate I know, she thought the same.

The hitch is, rather expectedly, she's seeing someone. Talking to her mate, she's only been seeing him for around 6 weeks to 2 months and she isn't quite sure she should be. I've been urged to go for it, pledging the 3 month rule as an excuse, but I'm not entirely sure. I know who the guy is, but i've never spoken a word to him in my life.

IMO......if you make your feelings and intentions quite obvious to her and she goes for it, how have you done anything wrong?

Lets face it, if she is really happy with the guy then you will not get a look in and you would rather it was you than the next bloke to take her away from the chap she is with....all is fair in love and war. If a bloke does not openly peruse a spoken for woman but makes sure she knows he wants her than IMO that is ok.

Of course the "Mates" rule applies though!!

 

[Aberdeen Shrimper]

Have a go bloke, it is better to regret something you have done than regret something you haven't.
It's only a short life.

That philosophy maybe applies to this situation but I would not apply it to more serious things in life!!!

 

[DTS]

This is a fairly simple one in my book based upon the following evidence.

Happy people do not cheat and they do not really flirt. Take Mrs DtS and I....If Kelly Brook came on to me as temtping as it is I dont want to loose what i have so I would say No.

She has not only already cheated in effect if you kissed at Xmas and they have been together two odd months - she has also used the oldest trick in the book getting her mate to sound out the ground.

All these people saying what about the bloke in the other end are mugs in my book. Do you think he would care about you if the roles were reversed. In a perfect utopia world yes we wouldnt do it but this aint a utopia.

My only word of warning would be make sure that you do really like her as if you give her the green light and then decide she is not right your friendship will be jeapodised for good and she may also be highly annoyed.

Short of that your nuts in guts mate. Good story keep us up to date.

 

[Rob Noxious]

IMO......if you make your feelings and intentions quite obvious to her and she goes for it, how have you done anything wrong?

Lets face it, if she is really happy with the guy then you will not get a look in and you would rather it was you than the next bloke to take her away from the chap she is with....all is fair in love and war. If a bloke does not openly peruse a spoken for woman but makes sure she knows he wants her than IMO that is ok.

Of course the "Mates" rule applies though!!

'If a bloke does not openly peruse a spoken for woman but makes sure she knows he wants her than IMO that is ok.'

Mmm... best watch out, as an open perusal often offends. But seriously, the 'best regret something you have done' advice is the action option here. If you don't act on it, at least by letting her know how you feel, then that regret may be more likely to haunt you for longer. She'll appreciate your honesty & it will probably make her feel good about herself too. Might be worth checking if he's connected to any ex-ICF first, though... be lucky and may the force be with you!!

 

[RobM]

"Mates all birded up
We never did the deed"

Isn't it heartwarming to know romance isn't dead?

 

[Desert Shrimper]

"Mates all birded up
We never did the deed"

Isn't it heartwarming to know romance isn't dead?

But fun and laughter are in your heart everyday RobM - that's enough for me.

 

[EastStandBlue]

Thought i'd clear a few things up...

Nothing happened between us over Christmas, we just had dinner a few times and bumped into eachother on a night out, that's all... Before I move i'd have to know something could happen to be honest. I wouldn't just get my leg over (Yes, Rob... I used that term), I'd be looking for something a bit longer term.

 

[Shrimper2thecore]

If she knows how you feel then there is not much more you can do. You can have words with her, and explain exactly hows you would do her or what you would do if she were to seperate from said dirty Hammer

 

[sufc_girl]

The whole "getting her mate to sound you out" trick sounds as though she's making sure that if she did end it with that guy you'd be there waiting in the wings. Because (and this isn't gonna come as a shock to some of you out there) some girls will stay in a mediocre relationship and hope it gets better rather than going out on a limb and risk being alone. Sounds pathetic and in fairness it is! It is the fickleness of the female psyche I'm afraid.*

So from a girly perspective, I would say that you have done nothing wrong at all, in fact you have taken the right course of action so far in showing her you're interested etc. It's just gonna take a bit of reasurance on your part (and through her friend probably) that you are worth the risk of ending something mediocre in hope of something better.

Good luck with it all, and keep us posted.





*Obviously I'm not speaking on behalf of all women here. I hope there are many out there who do not stay in a "meh" relationship because they are afraid to be single.

 

[Southend_Lady]

I think that you have to look at how people act when they are in a relationship with someone else as to how they would act when they are with you.
For example, if she even hints that an affair type relationship with you to begin with is on the cards then this is a definate no-go. You don't want to be with someone that could end up doing the same to you in the future. In my eyes I agree with DtS - if you are happy you just would not cheat. Personally I have never cheated and never would, even though I have been in many unhappy relationships in the past, I still wouldn't consider it. Afterall - are you any better if you cheat on someone that treats you bad and makes you unhappy? No not really. Saying that though some people don't have a conscience - so beware of cheating tendancies now.

Personally she sounds as though she is seeing whether you will be waiting in the wings as Rachel said above. If she was unhappy with this bloke then she surely wouldn't be with him. Again I agree with Rachel that many women stay with their bf's even though they are not happy and some like to "line one up" as a back up for the current unhappy relationship. This isn't true for all women I know that I wouldn't stay in an unhappy relationship until I'd lined up another man but I think that is somewhat of an insecurity. Some people hate to be single and will happily jump from one relationship and into another.

Best thing to do is to let her know how you feel. Make her aware that it isn't an invitation to an affair. You are doing nothing wrong in letting her know how you feel but morally - anything more isn't right in my eyes. If she is interested then she will finish with her current beau and then start things up with you. Saying all this, I am a believer in fate and believe that what's meant to be will be. You should never force anything too much or you won't know if it's right. Plus I don't think it's healthy to go from one relationship to another no matter how long it is so breathing space will be vital if she does decide that you are the man for the job.

Please disregard this whole post if:

a) You are a man with no morals;
b) See a) above.

 

[AdamTheShrimper]

I say go for it but make sure its what you really want. If she leaves this other guy for you and then you decide you dont acctually want her then your going to get a slap!