MK Shrimper
Striker
Very carefully.
-
Welcome to the ShrimperZone forums.
You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which only gives you limited access.
Existing Users:.
Please log-in using your existing username and password. If you have any problems, please see below.
New Users:
Join our free community now and gain access to post topics, communicate privately with other members, respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and free. Click here to join.
Fans from other clubs
We welcome and appreciate supporters from other clubs who wish to engage in sensible discussion. Please feel free to join as above but understand that this is a moderated site and those who cannot play nicely will be quickly removed.
Assistance Required
For help with the registration process or accessing your account, please send a note using the Contact us link in the footer, please include your account name. We can then provide you with a new password and verification to get you on the site.
Joke Thread
Very carefully.
undercovershrimper
Director
two fish in a tank one says to the other how do you get out of this thing
the other says through the hatch
the other says through the hatch
undercovershrimper
Director
two chimps in a bath
one say oh ahh oooh ahhh ohhh ahhhh hehe aaahhh ahhhh
the other says two secs i'll put some cold in
one say oh ahh oooh ahhh ohhh ahhhh hehe aaahhh ahhhh
the other says two secs i'll put some cold in
MK Shrimper
Striker
That's pretty much my joke stolen! Get yer own :thumbdown:
Harold Bishop Killer
Got bummed around Aus
Two cows in a field. One says to the other,"Here, what do you think of this mad cow disease?"
The other replied, "why you asking me? I am a rabbit."
Johnny was in class when the teacher farted. Embarrassed, she said, "Johnny, stop that!"
To which Johnny replied, "Which way did it go, miss?"
Two peanuts were walking through the woods, one was assaulted.
A guy takes his ailing wife to the doctor. After a few tests, the doctor says its either Alzheimers or AIDS.
Confused, the husband says "What should I do"?
The doctor says, take her for a long drive and leave her there. If she comes home, what ever you do, don't shag her.
2 bags of sick walking down the street when 1 bursts in to tears,the other bag says "whats the matter?",the first bag says "this is where I was brought up".
Why did the jellybean get Herpes?
It was screwing allsorts
Q. What's the ultimate rejection?
A. When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep!
The other replied, "why you asking me? I am a rabbit."
Johnny was in class when the teacher farted. Embarrassed, she said, "Johnny, stop that!"
To which Johnny replied, "Which way did it go, miss?"
Two peanuts were walking through the woods, one was assaulted.
A guy takes his ailing wife to the doctor. After a few tests, the doctor says its either Alzheimers or AIDS.
Confused, the husband says "What should I do"?
The doctor says, take her for a long drive and leave her there. If she comes home, what ever you do, don't shag her.
2 bags of sick walking down the street when 1 bursts in to tears,the other bag says "whats the matter?",the first bag says "this is where I was brought up".
Why did the jellybean get Herpes?
It was screwing allsorts
Q. What's the ultimate rejection?
A. When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep!
Crabby Shrimper
President
Had a weird game of football recently. We turned up for an away match, and found the playing surface was gravel! Not used to this kind of surface we lost 2-0 :(
Following week was the return fixture, so we thought we'd get even. We put out a pitch of sand! This completely confused them, and we won 3-0
So................
We beat them on aggregate!
Coat on taxi called...
Following week was the return fixture, so we thought we'd get even. We put out a pitch of sand! This completely confused them, and we won 3-0
So................
We beat them on aggregate!
Coat on taxi called...
Harold Bishop Killer
Got bummed around Aus
Quick Joke
A Joke Before I leave work for the weekend!
Have a good one everybody
At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."
"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"
"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod that your parrot died.
"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"
"Yes, Senor, that's the one."
"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird." "What did he die from?"
"From eating rotten meat, Senor Rod"
"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"
"Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse."
"Dead horse? What dead horse?"
"The thoroughbred, Senor Rod."
"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"
"Yes Senor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."
"Are you insane? What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire, Senor"
"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"
"The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."
"What the hell??....Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle??!!!
"Yes Senor Rod."
"But there's electricity at the house!!! What was the candle for?"
"For the funeral, Senor Rod."
"WHAT BLO ##**& ODY FUNERAL??"
"Your wife's, Senor Rod... She showed up one night out of the blue and I thought she was a thief, So I hit her with your new Tiger Woods' Nike Driver."
SILENCE.................. ,
LONG SILENCE....
"Ernesto if you broke that driver, you're in deep s#$t!"
A Joke Before I leave work for the weekend!
Have a good one everybody
At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."
"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"
"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod that your parrot died.
"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"
"Yes, Senor, that's the one."
"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird." "What did he die from?"
"From eating rotten meat, Senor Rod"
"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"
"Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse."
"Dead horse? What dead horse?"
"The thoroughbred, Senor Rod."
"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"
"Yes Senor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."
"Are you insane? What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire, Senor"
"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"
"The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."
"What the hell??....Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle??!!!
"Yes Senor Rod."
"But there's electricity at the house!!! What was the candle for?"
"For the funeral, Senor Rod."
"WHAT BLO ##**& ODY FUNERAL??"
"Your wife's, Senor Rod... She showed up one night out of the blue and I thought she was a thief, So I hit her with your new Tiger Woods' Nike Driver."
SILENCE.................. ,
LONG SILENCE....
"Ernesto if you broke that driver, you're in deep s#$t!"
davewebbsbrain
Webby⭐🦐
Yeah, But spurs have a strong squad.....
They must have, they are propping up the premiership!!
They must have, they are propping up the premiership!!
steveo
mine to stay the same please
dont knock em fellas, they are in Europe and I believe have qualified for the last 264 in the UEFA cup.
I think I read something like since Wenger has been up the road, Tottenham have spent more than 4 times as much as he has, and are no closer to wining the title than when he joined Arsenal.
I think I read something like since Wenger has been up the road, Tottenham have spent more than 4 times as much as he has, and are no closer to wining the title than when he joined Arsenal.
SouthendersTrueFaith
Youth Team
Harringey Council have rejected plans for a new Stadium to be built in Northumberland Park by Tottenham Hotspur FC.
They are fine with a Fun Fair being sited there once a year but a Circus every 2 weeks is taking the mick:)
They are fine with a Fun Fair being sited there once a year but a Circus every 2 weeks is taking the mick:)
Hotman
reason, honour, integrity
A little boy gets £10 for his birthday and rushes down to the Sport Shop to buy the New Football he has been desperate for. He gets the ball down from the rack and gives the shop-keeper his £10.
"Sorry Son !!" Explains the shopkeeper. "This ball cost £20, but you've only got £10".
Thinking quickly, the boy looks up at the club balls and says "Ok. If you blindfold me and I guess the club on the ball will you let me have the ball for £10"? The shopkeeper curiously agrees, and blindfolds the boy.
First up he gives the boy an Arsenal ball.
"OK" says the boy placing his ear to the ball. "I can hear the blasting sound of 2 canons. This must be an Arsenal ball"
"That was a lucky guess" exclaimed the shopkeeper.
"Lets try another one" And he hands him a Millwall ball.
"OK" Says the boy placing his ear to the ball again. "I can hear a pack of rampant Lions. It must be a Millwall ball".
"Christ" Says the shopkeeper.
"If you get the next one right I'll let you have the ball for nothing" and he passes him another ball.
Again the boy puts the ball to his ear and after a few moments he exclaims "That's a Tottenham ball".
"Holly Mary Mother Of God" Shouts the shopkeeper."How on earth did you get that one. I suppose you heard a Cockerell crowing??"
"No" Said the boy. "It's going down"!!!
"Sorry Son !!" Explains the shopkeeper. "This ball cost £20, but you've only got £10".
Thinking quickly, the boy looks up at the club balls and says "Ok. If you blindfold me and I guess the club on the ball will you let me have the ball for £10"? The shopkeeper curiously agrees, and blindfolds the boy.
First up he gives the boy an Arsenal ball.
"OK" says the boy placing his ear to the ball. "I can hear the blasting sound of 2 canons. This must be an Arsenal ball"
"That was a lucky guess" exclaimed the shopkeeper.
"Lets try another one" And he hands him a Millwall ball.
"OK" Says the boy placing his ear to the ball again. "I can hear a pack of rampant Lions. It must be a Millwall ball".
"Christ" Says the shopkeeper.
"If you get the next one right I'll let you have the ball for nothing" and he passes him another ball.
Again the boy puts the ball to his ear and after a few moments he exclaims "That's a Tottenham ball".
"Holly Mary Mother Of God" Shouts the shopkeeper."How on earth did you get that one. I suppose you heard a Cockerell crowing??"
"No" Said the boy. "It's going down"!!!
sufc_tom
Striker
I'm feeling lucky button? :p
Shrimper2thecore
Members
Haha fantastic, especially the google one!! Lets all laugh at Spurs!
BLUEBLOOD
Moderator of Moderators
No you can't, because it obviously means you are a Nazi, and Spurs fans will get all upset ... possibly :thump:
ShrimperZone Sponsors
ShrimperZone - SUFC Player Sponsorship
Southend United Away Travel
All At Sea Fanzine
