Slipperduke
The Camden Cad
South Africa 0-0 Iraq
The nation of South Africa is ready for the World Cup but sadly it seems that their football team are still lagging behind. Ellis Park, a stadium better known for its connections to rugby, played host to a most disappointing game of football, but it didn't dampen the spirits of the fans, delierious with excitement about the impending arrival of the greatest show on earth. "Let us play," implored Sepp Blatter before the match and, although the footballers didn't, the supporters certainly did.
Every South African seemed to have brought his own horn and had apparently been instructed to hold it to his lips and breathe through it for the entire duration of the match. If the disparate races of wasps, hornets and bumblebees around the world ever unite, take over the planet and develop their own version of Formula One motor-racing, then this is exactly what it will sound like. A perpetual buzzing that gently softens the brain of anyone unfortunate enough to be in earshot. Expect a surge in domestic disputes next summer as the partners, spouses and flatmates of football fans rise up and rebel against it, hurling flatscreen televsions out of the window in their rage.
The cacophony was at least a distraction from the empty meanderings of the match. It was a game of football so poor that it would have needed every player to have played twice as well just for it to attain the status of 'mediocre'. A crunching tackle from Thembinkosi Fanteni after just sixty seconds hinted at a red-blooded encounter, but it was just an anomoly. The referee's draconian yellow card seemed to counsel every combatant against the use of force, which was something of a shame.
It didn't get much better after the break. South Africa struggled to string passes together and, on the odd occasion that they made it into the final third, they simply melted in front of Iraq's well-drilled back three. A long-ranger from the fantastically-named Macbeth Sibaya and a snap-shot from the more prosaicly-monikered Bernard Parker were their only clear chances for much of the game, until they blew a golden opportunity to win the game with five minutes to go, Parker somehow contriving to clear team-mate Kagisho Dikgacoi's header off the line.
The Iraqis haven't played at home in over five years and have a team made up of Sunni's, Shia's, Kurds and Christians. United by their sport, they stand up for every national anthem knowing that their country remains wracked by chaos and carnage. Criticising them for playing poorly would be like watching a cat walk on hind legs and then criticising it for not being able to run. Despite their amazing victory in the Asian Cup in 2008, the simple fact that they are in South Africa and holding their own against their hosts is something that they can be enormously proud of.
The fact remains however that neither Spain or New Zealand, their fellow members of Group A, will have seen anything to worry them here. For Iraq, it's hardly surprising. For South Africa, it's a warning that next year's party will be short-lived indeed unless there is significant improvement across all department. Apart from the horn department, naturally.
MATCH STATS
Crowd - N/A
Yellow Cards - Fanteni, Sibaya (South Africa), Nashat (Iraq)
Red Cards - None
South Africa -
Itumeleng Khune 6, Tsepo Masilela 7, Aaron Mokoena 7, Matthew Booth 8, Siboniso Gaxa 6, Teko Modise 6, Kagisho Dikgacoi 6, Benson Mhlongo 6, Macbeth Sibaya 6, Bernard Parker 5 (Steven Pienaar 85th), Thembinkosi Fanteni 6 (Katlego Mashego 7, 78th)
Iraq -
Mohammed Kassid 7, Basim Abbas 7, Hussein Rahema 7, Farid Majeed 7, Mahdi Karim 6 (Salid Sadir 6, 88th), Salem Shaker 6, Karrar Jassim 6 (Harrar Mohammed 6, 75th), Nashat Akram 6, Mohammed Ali Karim 6, Mohammed Ridha 6 (Allar Zahar 6, 77th), Younis Mahmoud 6
The nation of South Africa is ready for the World Cup but sadly it seems that their football team are still lagging behind. Ellis Park, a stadium better known for its connections to rugby, played host to a most disappointing game of football, but it didn't dampen the spirits of the fans, delierious with excitement about the impending arrival of the greatest show on earth. "Let us play," implored Sepp Blatter before the match and, although the footballers didn't, the supporters certainly did.
Every South African seemed to have brought his own horn and had apparently been instructed to hold it to his lips and breathe through it for the entire duration of the match. If the disparate races of wasps, hornets and bumblebees around the world ever unite, take over the planet and develop their own version of Formula One motor-racing, then this is exactly what it will sound like. A perpetual buzzing that gently softens the brain of anyone unfortunate enough to be in earshot. Expect a surge in domestic disputes next summer as the partners, spouses and flatmates of football fans rise up and rebel against it, hurling flatscreen televsions out of the window in their rage.
The cacophony was at least a distraction from the empty meanderings of the match. It was a game of football so poor that it would have needed every player to have played twice as well just for it to attain the status of 'mediocre'. A crunching tackle from Thembinkosi Fanteni after just sixty seconds hinted at a red-blooded encounter, but it was just an anomoly. The referee's draconian yellow card seemed to counsel every combatant against the use of force, which was something of a shame.
It didn't get much better after the break. South Africa struggled to string passes together and, on the odd occasion that they made it into the final third, they simply melted in front of Iraq's well-drilled back three. A long-ranger from the fantastically-named Macbeth Sibaya and a snap-shot from the more prosaicly-monikered Bernard Parker were their only clear chances for much of the game, until they blew a golden opportunity to win the game with five minutes to go, Parker somehow contriving to clear team-mate Kagisho Dikgacoi's header off the line.
The Iraqis haven't played at home in over five years and have a team made up of Sunni's, Shia's, Kurds and Christians. United by their sport, they stand up for every national anthem knowing that their country remains wracked by chaos and carnage. Criticising them for playing poorly would be like watching a cat walk on hind legs and then criticising it for not being able to run. Despite their amazing victory in the Asian Cup in 2008, the simple fact that they are in South Africa and holding their own against their hosts is something that they can be enormously proud of.
The fact remains however that neither Spain or New Zealand, their fellow members of Group A, will have seen anything to worry them here. For Iraq, it's hardly surprising. For South Africa, it's a warning that next year's party will be short-lived indeed unless there is significant improvement across all department. Apart from the horn department, naturally.
MATCH STATS
Crowd - N/A
Yellow Cards - Fanteni, Sibaya (South Africa), Nashat (Iraq)
Red Cards - None
South Africa -
Itumeleng Khune 6, Tsepo Masilela 7, Aaron Mokoena 7, Matthew Booth 8, Siboniso Gaxa 6, Teko Modise 6, Kagisho Dikgacoi 6, Benson Mhlongo 6, Macbeth Sibaya 6, Bernard Parker 5 (Steven Pienaar 85th), Thembinkosi Fanteni 6 (Katlego Mashego 7, 78th)
Iraq -
Mohammed Kassid 7, Basim Abbas 7, Hussein Rahema 7, Farid Majeed 7, Mahdi Karim 6 (Salid Sadir 6, 88th), Salem Shaker 6, Karrar Jassim 6 (Harrar Mohammed 6, 75th), Nashat Akram 6, Mohammed Ali Karim 6, Mohammed Ridha 6 (Allar Zahar 6, 77th), Younis Mahmoud 6
