Can any woman please explain?

[* ORM *]

Woman at work 42, in a reasonably strong position career wise and is strong at work, divorced. 'Boyfriend' of 14 years, also divorced. I say bf under advice. Publicly he treats her like dog poo to the extent that people have told him publicly. Privately he has hit her in the past, she has been trying IVF and failed several times, he barely sleeps with her. Last time 3 months ago from what we can gather. He has also told her publicly and privately he has zero interest in settling down, forget marriage. He travels globally and when he is away has her running around doing things and when he comes back he expects her to drop everything and she does.

A week ago in a bar he openly told her to eff off out of his life and leave me alone, you are an annoying witch. So he is now travelling and the plan was him to do a few days in London then she would follow then go on holiday in Europe. He told her in public on the same night he is cancelling the holiday or finding someone else to go with. She has now flown to London. Her friends and work colleagues have given up trying to advise to the extent if we are out and she mentions his name we all say sorry off topic. Some of her friends have dropped away and I can't say I'm surprised. I fell into the trap of trying to advise her that's clearly not going to work.

She's no Emma Bunton but then again she is slim, not unattractive and bubbly.

Can any woman explain the above? I'd say it is not affecting her job but that's not entirely true. She'll drop and answer whatsapps from him all day every day. I don't manage her so not something I can stop.

 

[MK Shrimper]

She has zero self confidence, no doubt from being with this ****. Not just women who suffer this, plenty of men do but probably don't speak up due to the "embarrassment" of being hit by a woman.

From not a woman.

 

[OldBlueLady]

Agree with MK, she has no confidence in herself on a personal level. I totally identify with it. You can appear the strongest woman in the world on the surface but underneath, you're a mess of uncertainty. A popular analogy these days is to think of a swan and how serene they are on the surface, but underneath, their feet are paddling away.

I know, as I went through similar in the years surrounding my divorce. Coincided with my early years on here and, looking back, I know how unstable I was. She will be on auto pilot at home, not wanting to lose the only stable thing in her personal life, which is why she puts up with his crap. I don't know if she's Asian or not (you're still in HK, aren't you?), but if she is she will likely find it even harder to make the break.

Best advice is to feed her confidence (that's what SZ did for me), and ensure she gets recognition at work for her successes if you can. Instil a culture of praise around your work environment. I threw myself into my work and into my football, and that's how I got through.

 

[* ORM *]

I like that. Great start thanks you two

 

[Napster]

Maybe she likes a bad boy.

 

[Ricky Otto]

She is the doormat kind, what you need to find is a doormat kind of bloke for her. Blokes will either take advantage or lose interest really quickly as she obviously has no backbone. My sister is a bit like that and had some horrible guys, luckily she has found another "too nice for their own good type" and they are horribly lovey dovey and pathetic but on the plus side very happy haha.

 

[rigsby]

Perhaps this man knows the secret of how to be a B******d.....Women are like floor tiles, if you take your time and lay them properly the first time then you can walk all over them for years

 

[Napster]

Women are like floor tiles

Best laid by Poles?

 

[Pubey]

Best laid by Poles?

Filled with grout

 

[TrueBlue]

Listen the reason why women have 2 sets of lips is so they can p1ss and moan at the same time!

 

[DTS]

Maybe the man in question is a red hot lover?

 

[Rusty Shackleford]

You said she is bubbly. I'm going to interpret that as 'really annoying'. Ergo, she deserves a bit of abuse, and she has at least enough self-awareness to realize and put up with it.

 

[rigsby]

You said she is bubbly. I'm going to interpret that as 'really annoying'. Ergo, she deserves a bit of abuse, and she has at least enough self-awareness to realize and put up with it.

I read that as fat but there you go its a cruel world and it applies both ways.

Like I have always said what's the difference between the office stud and the office perv.........His looks.

 

[RHB]

You've got to love SZ. A bloke asks for advice about how to help a woman colleague, and he certainly gets some from the 'New Men' in the most recent posts on here.

 

[Another Surrey Shrimper]

You've got to love SZ. A bloke asks for advice about how to help a woman colleague, and he certainly gets some from the 'New Men' in the most recent posts on here.

This place is a reflection of the country - some people who can empathise with others, and some people who have an ingrained dislike of 51% of the population (before they then find reasons to dislike large swathes of the other 49% for a variety of reasons). Nothing surprising there unfortunately.

 

[Another Surrey Shrimper]

...............duplicate

 

[Napster]

You've got to love SZ. A bloke asks for advice about how to help a woman colleague, and he certainly gets some from the 'New Men' in the most recent posts on here.

and some people who realise the forum is just a way of venting some steam, and engaging in some humour, dark as it might be. I know ORM off the board and he will find these funny.

 

[rigsby]

This place is a reflection of the country - some people who can empathise with others, and some people who have an ingrained dislike of 51% of the population (before they then find reasons to dislike large swathes of the other 49% for a variety of reasons). Nothing surprising there unfortunately.

You forgot the 1% who have no sense of humour and always claim the moral high ground. You know the sort of person no finds attractive.

 

[Tangled up in Blue]

You forgot the 1% who have no sense of humour and always claim the moral high ground. You know the sort of person no finds attractive.

Yup.51 year old ex-Firemen.:winking:

 

[Another Surrey Shrimper]

You forgot the 1% who have no sense of humour and always claim the moral high ground. You know the sort of person no finds attractive.

Feel free to flag up when someone says something funny - personally I enjoy a good joke so don't want to miss out.