If they could play for England so could I....

[number11]

I'm sure this has been done before, but following on from the best XI's in the ashes thread it could be thinking what utter dross I have had to witness whilst watching England over the past 20 years of my cricket watching.

Off top of my head, here is a team to send shivers down my spine....

1. Lathwell (feel sorry for him as it was all too much...but he couldnt even find a helmet that fit his head properly and looked woefully out of his depth).
2. Gallian - Back in the glorious days when whoever was captain or coach would try to pick people from their own counties. (Even Essex were not above this....hello Mark Illott).
3. Aftab Habib - Would people feel uncomfortable if I suggested this may have been a selection to help appeal to our ethnic minorities? I think he only had about 8 first class centuries before his call up. Did he get called up or was I only dreaming?
4. Usman Afsaal - as above. Althought apparently had an added appeal of turning up for his debut in a sports car and shades.
5. Ian Ward - Seems a decent bloke, and unlucky to be picked for the series against the all conquering Australia (possibly greatest side ever). Still, with the increase and improvement in analysis and coverage, having it shown in slow motion that he didnt hold the bat properly didnt really help him out....

6. Mark Ealham - throwback to the days when cricketers could be fat. Also in an era when we were looking for and labelling everyone 'the next Botham' I dont think anyone even bothered trying to compare this chipmonk to the great man.

7. Warren Hegg - honest county pro, never going to look remotely up to it on tour to Australia.

8. Schofield - what on earth was happening when he was picked - barely played a first class match and looked like a nob (or a knob). Non spinning leg spinner.

9. Mullaly - great entertainment for his carefree batting

10. Darren Pattinson - Is he even playing for Notts anymore?

11. Mike Smith - A horse for a course pick - just looked up his test figures - 0-86.


Shame I cant get Richard Dawson in there. I was almost ashamed to be English when I was watching the 2002-03 ashes and he was playing.

 

[canveyshrimper]

Interesting. To take your point about Aftab Habib, without checking I doubt if Alastair Cook would have made more 100's before his England debut. The selection of Pattinson was ludicrous as was that of Schofield as England searched for the Holy Grail of a world class leg spinner.

Here's a few more.

Paul Terry
Chris Cowdrey
Joey Benjamin
Neil Mallender (to be fair to him he was a pick based solely on English conditions)
Paul Taylor

 

[BILLERICAY BLUE]

I'd put Chris Cowdrey in for Ealham. Picked as captain beacuse Kent played entertaining cricket and his surname was Cowdrey. We got hammered, and he never played for England again.

 

[canveyshrimper]

I'd put Chris Cowdrey in for Ealham. Picked as captain beacuse Kent played entertaining cricket and his surname was Cowdrey. We got hammered, and he never played for England again.

I think he actually was injured in his one match as skipper, and Gooch took over for the rest of the series. I think he was made captain of the abortive tour of India, abandoned because of Gooch having played in South Africa, and after that never selected again.

 

[BILLERICAY BLUE]

I think he actually was injured in his one match as skipper, and Gooch took over for the rest of the series. I think he was made captain of the abortive tour of India, abandoned because of Gooch having played in South Africa, and after that never selected again.

Fair enough. He was still really rubbish though :)

 

[canveyshrimper]

Fair enough. He was still really rubbish though :)

Absolutely. I was lucky my post went up just before yours, we both nominated him.

 

[number11]

Oh and Gavin Hamilton would be pushing fatboy Ealham close for the allrounders role

Test Batting Average (2 completed innings) = 0
Bowling - 15 overs, 63 runs, 0 wickets.

Top stuff!

 

[Uncle Leo]

number11 - that's an excellent line-up (in a rubbish way) and I couldn't much improve upon it, although I would like to suggest...

Simon Brown (Durham) - one Test vs Pakistan, 2 wickets at an average of 69.

 

[Yorkshire Blue]

Oh and Gavin Hamilton would be pushing fatboy Ealham close for the allrounders role

Test Batting Average (2 completed innings) = 0
Bowling - 15 overs, 63 runs, 0 wickets.

Top stuff!

Was just about to nominate Hamilton. Your team is definitely lacking bits and pieces cricketers.

Hamilton was picked for tests on the back of slogging a few cheap runs for Scotland in the World Cup, fortunately he only ever played a solitary test. He bagged a pair with the bat and went wicketless with the ball (whilst leaking runs at over 4 an over). I'd hate to see Mark "he's such a good fielder like his father" Ealham dropped. There must be room for them all in the team.

I'd also like to suggest Mike Watkinson. Picked on the basis of his Lancashireness (think Bumble must have been coach) and the fact that he was just as good a batsman as spin bowler and seamer. Unfortunately he wasn't good enough to hold a place down even in county cricket on the basis of any single one of those disciplines, with a first class batting average of under 27 and a bowling average of over 33. Still at just 34 years young, he was probably "one for the future".

You could also chose just about any spin bowler to have played for England.

Chris Read deserves the wicketkeeping gloves on the basis that he was selected because he was "the English wicketkeeper most likely to score test hundreds". Very tidy with the gloves (although not nearly as good as his fan club would have you believe) he was a rabbit in the headlights with the bat. Ducking into Chris Cairns' slower ball and being castled was only too typical of him.

Richard Blakely could be his back up.

 

[canveyshrimper]

It's funny that some become one test wonders yet others become greats. Sir Leonard Hutton got 0 & 1 on debut, and Graham Gooch bagged a pair.

Hutton still holds the record for the highest individual score by an Englishman, 364 against the convicts, and Gooch the highest aggregate scorer by an Englishman.

 

[Uncle Leo]

It's funny that some become one test wonders yet others become greats. Sir Leonard Hutton got 0 & 1 on debut, and Graham Gooch bagged a pair.

On a similar note:

Now in fairness he was an opening bat, he did play a lot of Tests and his career did coincide with those of McGrath, Warne, Donald, Pollock, Ambrose, Walsh, Waqar and Wasim, but the fact that Michael Atherton has more ducks than any other English Test player does make me chuckle. He got a bit of ribbing about it in the Sky box the other week.

 

[Napster]

You could also chose just about any spin bowler to have played for England.
.

I'll have Ian Salisbury then. Cheers

 

[number11]

number11 - that's an excellent line-up (in a rubbish way) and I couldn't much improve upon it, although I would like to suggest...

Simon Brown (Durham) - one Test vs Pakistan, 2 wickets at an average of 69.

Excellent choice. He can make the touring party. Added kudos to him for having a moustache well into the 90's without even being an eccentric 'jack russell' type.

YB. You may recall some Ive missed, but in the other thread I put these down as being the 'spinners' (maybe that should be slow bowlers) I remember playing for England in my watching time....what a load of rubbish on offer!!

Embury, Giles, Panesar, Tufnell, Swann, Such, Salisbury, Illingworth, Min Patel, Croft, Schofield, Watkinson, Blackwell, Batty, Udal, Dawson.


Also, Watkinson was the ultimate bits and pieces cricketer! The ultimate in lets pick a spinner who can bat. Much loved as Bumble is in the commentary box, I believe he gave England test or 1 day caps to the following Lancastrians - Gallian, Crawley, Graeme Lloyd, Hegg, Martin, Austin, Watkinson. As well as Athers and Fairbrother being around the team on merit, that is one hell of a county bias!

 

[canveyshrimper]

Also, Watkinson was the ultimate bits and pieces cricketer! The ultimate in lets pick a spinner who can bat. Much loved as Bumble is in the commentary box, I believe he gave England test or 1 day caps to the following Lancastrians - Gallian, Crawley, Graeme Lloyd, Hegg, Austin, Watkinson. As well as Athers and Fairbrother being around the team on merit, that is one hell of a county bias!

Good call about Lancastrian bias, Illingworth did similar during his tenure, but to be fair one of his choices was Darren Gough. He also picked Craig White, probably Silverwood, and a spinner (not Dawson) so obscure I have forgotten his name.

Edit: Green for anyone who can jog my memory to who this luminary was.

 

[number11]

Good call about Lancastrian bias, Illingworth did similar during his tenure, but to be fair one of his choices was Darren Gough. He also picked Craig White, probably Silverwood, and a spinner (not Dawson) so obscure I have forgotten his name.

Edit: Green for anyone who can jog my memory to who this luminary was.

Not sure which one you mean but this shoudl help. I apologise to Rikki Clarke, AMjad Khan, Ed Giddins, and Darren Maddy for being overlooked!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/England_Cap_Numbers

 

[BILLERICAY BLUE]

Edit: Green for anyone who can jog my memory to who this luminary was.

Richard Stemp, I'll take that Green please :)

Edit - Ignore that. Not sure he was ever capped.

Edit 2 - He was picked in a squad, but got left out of the final XI

 

[canveyshrimper]

Richard Stemp, I'll take that Green please :)

Edit - Ignore that. Not sure he was ever capped.

Edit 2 - He was picked in a squad, but got left out of the final XI

Correct. Just found him.

Richard Stemp

I knew he was selected, but couldn't remember if hemade the final XI. IIRC he was also subject to a debate about the legaility of his bowling action.

 

[Uncle Leo]

Amjad Khan, Ed Giddins

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/England_Cap_Numbers

Good old Khan, England's finest ever Danish cricketer. As for Giddins, I remember applauding him for a fiver-fer against the mighty Zimbabwe at Lord's in 2000. I seem to remember we skittled them for 88.

Chris Adams is another one - picked for that 99-00 South Africa tour and did **** all. I think Boucher sledged him to the effect of "That's the end of your career mate" when he was out for a low score in the final Test. Also the son of a former Southend United 'favourite' so even more reason to slag him.

 

[Yorkshire Blue]

OK, I've managed to sort out my XI

1. I. Ward - what makes it worse is we're stuck with him on Sky because of it
2. J. Whittaker - what makes it worse is he become a selector on the back of being available in an emergency
3. E. Smith - picked during a purple patch in county cricket, but never remotely test class. Bonus points because you could make him captain to further disrupt the dressing room
4. C. Cowdrey* - or you could pick his son (if he has one).
5. G. Hamilton - see above
6. C. Read+ - see above
7. M. Ealham - see above
8. M. Watkinson - see above
9. R. Illingworth/M. Patel - could be any one of a number. Why do we persist in picking crappy spinners. You don't have to pick one. Pick a quick instead.
10. D. Pattinson - selectors tried to be too clever. Picked for Headingley when he'd hardly played a first class game, a year later he found himself left out of a Notts team deprived of Broad, Sidebottom and Swann.
11. J. Benjamin - shockingly poor. The best thing I can remember about him is chicken pox.

I'd actually be willing to defend the selections of the likes of Afzaal and Lathwell over the likes of these.

Dishonourable mentions to the likes of Maddy, Adams, Knight, McCague etc

I may try and have a think of an ODI XI as well.

ps A startling lack of Essex stars. When this thread has been done on a cricket site I occasionally frequent, the likes of Pringle, Irani and Such regularly feature.

In fact Essex connection XI

1. Stephenson
2. Gallian
3. Knight
4. Habib
5. A. Hollioake
6. Irani
7. Pringle
8. Williams
9. Ilott
10. Childs
11. Such

I'll have to press-gang someone into keeping.

 

[Uncle Leo]

I may try and have a think of an ODI XI as well.

ooh dear, that could be really painful viewing. Hello Jamie Dalrymple!