A Town Called Mendip
Anyone remember the 'Mendip Mentals,' from the late '60s-early '70s? This is a story about one of their brethren, 'Shorty Mendip,' and how I was prompted to write into Simon Bates to request an 'Our Tune' for him a little while ago ...
Simon - it's time the tale were told about our publicity man, Shorty Mendip. Don't call him that to his face whatever you do though 'cause as he once told your Emperor, 'I may be small but I can do a lot of damage' before he let out one of his eerie cackles. As I told you recently, Simes, none of us Southend boys operate under our real names here. You'll remember from your own schooldays that we all had nicknames. Right, now that's clear, I'd like you to dedicate this little 'Our Tune' to the wee man...
Far out on the northern end of Bridgewater Drive, Simon, there is an enmeshed enclave called Mendip. Now going back many a year, your Emperor used to run the gauntlet of a gang of ruffians called 'The Treecotters' - who were the Mendip boys' sworn enemies - en route to my cub scout group at St. Keddies Church. I used to deliver papers on Mendip, Simes, and it's a world within a world. Everyone knew each other there and though it was friendly most of the time, it could turn rough too. Anyway, Mendip was the first Southend Housing Corporation project to be built after the Second World War. That's when my dad Jack came down to Westcliff on a building prayer and met my mum Elsie. Dad did some of the work on those Corporation houses and when he got to run his own business, he often turned to those tough Mendip men he had a lot of time for. Anyway, Simes, please forgive my digression...I guess I was just keen to give you an idea of the geo-political landscape of that area of my home town.
Shorty Mendip, Simes, was a genuine lad. No frills, no nonsense. He had a terrible temper though so you had to be careful. He loved animals and he loved drawing. He had difficulty with some of the schoolwork at Earls Hall, but no-one from round our way held that against him. He was a very loyal friend too, Simes, and one night after a particularly good cub scout group where we had a fantastic free for all footy game on Mendip Green, Shorty said he'd come up Bridgewater Drive with me and get a bottle of pop up at the off-license. His mum had given him a couple of bottles to take back and he was able to keep most of the deposit money. The one snag, Simes, was that we had to go past Treecott and that could mean trouble. Not that night though - no, not with Shorty at my side. There he was swinging those bottles gaily in his walking stride and laughing about some of the fun we'd just had in that rough and tumble game on the green, when a group of Treecotters approached us. There were four of those loafing oafs, Simes - their usual trick was to say 'you got the time?' then punch you in the guts and run off with your sweets money. However, on this occasion, just as they got close, they seemed to get scared when they saw Shorty and just put their heads down and crossed the road. It was fantastic, Simon - I wish you'd been there to see it. I think that tells you all you need to know about his potential.
I lost touch with Shorty when I went to that posh grammar school and when mum moved us out to Eastwood. They were difficult times for me, Simes, and I often wondered what had happened to that tough little fella. Anyway, years later, I was involved in a DJ charity bash for Runwell Hospital Radio down on the seafront and I recognised this chunky chappie who came up and requested this song. Apparently, he'd had to do some time in Broadmoor Secure Hospital after putting a hammer to the head of some idiot who'd set off a firework in a Corporation wheelie-bin where he and some other 'Treecotters' had trapped a cat. Shorty loved cats most of all, Simes - sometimes he'd say they were his only true friends. After Broadmoor, he got transferred to Runwell, which though it still had its locked wards, was a relative sanctuary of calm in the Wickford hinterlands. So up he comes and says he wants 'A Town Called Mendip' and I say, 'Mendip ?' and he says 'yeah, Mendip' then quotes me all the words of this song but substitutes the word 'malice' for 'Mendip.' Tell you what, Simes - so glad I had that little seven-incher in my vinyl vault that night 'cause I hate to think what might have happened if Shorty hadn't been able to do his boisterous, windmill motion dance-mosh after reciting me the ly-rics!
So, just to cap it all off, Simes, there's a happy ending here too. When I told my Producer about Shorty and his capacities for drawing and ...um...security, he said that he'd look into 'some options' via our new found Lottery funding. And yes, you guessed it ...The Producer fixed it ... Shorty's our publicity man now and he's also the caretaker of 'The Southern Star' - our ship in Harbour Head - and he always looks after my dear little cat Oscar when I've got to go off on my Road Shows. So 'stop dreaming of the quiet life' Shorty because today and every day, you're our main man on Radio Binfield ... getting our posters out there for the mighty public, well except to Treecott, of course! Hope you can say the right words for me here, Simes. Good luck and let me know how you get on..."