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Slipperduke

The Camden Cad
Joined
Aug 24, 2004
Messages
4,333
Location
North London
It is no longer safe for me to leave the house. I just can't take the risk. Don't cry for me, it's not so bad. I've got cable television, the internet, a well stocked fridge and I'm sure someone will post me a copy of Football Manager 2010. Sure, I'll miss my friends and the fresh air, but it's better than the alternative. It's better than being exposed to a London bus with a 20ft long poster of Cristiano Ronaldo in his frillies on the side of it. Gargh! My eyes!

The news that Ronaldo has replaced David Beckham as the...erm...face of Emporio Armani is a devastating blow for anyone who wants to keep hold of the contents of their stomach. I didn't mind so much when it was Beckham doing it. I don't think my fiancee will need to worry too much if I say that Becks is an extremely attractive chunk of a chap, perfectly chiselled and sculpted even when reduced to his undercrackers. We are blessed to live in more open-minded times than our predecessors and there's nothing wrong at all with a bit of aesthetic beauty, particularly when that bit of aesthetic beauty had the bright idea of bringing his equally attractive wife along with him to the photoshoot. Whatever the catty tabloids may say, Victoria is an absolute fox and I was more than happy to watch that bus go round all day long.

But Ronaldo? He's absolutely repulsive! He looks like a female hammer thrower! I really can't stress how much I want to avoid the sight of him in a tight-fitting pair of jockey shorts and I can't imagine who thought that this was a good idea. Beckham made sense. He's so much more than a footballer with a pretty face. He's a captain, a professional, a man who leads by example. He's a father, a husband, a proper man. He's someone to look up to and, yes, he looks good in his underwear. Given the choice, I would happily be him, no, I don't think my fiancee would mind too much about that either.

Take the stepovers and the goals out of the equation and who wants to be Ronaldo? He cries like a girl every time someone bumps into him. He's not a leader, he throws tantrums that upset the rest of the team. He goes down so easily that it will be a miracle if his picture stays on the side of the bus when it goes over a pothole. He's not a father figure and I can't think of many women who'd want to marry a man who clearly spends more time in the bathroom than they do. Whether you're straight, gay or bouncing merrily between the two, everyone knows that there's a massive difference between natural attractiveness and contrived, perma-tanned, muscle-bound gurning. Armani may live to regret losing Beckham

Still, let's look at the positives. At least they didn't replace him with Wayne Rooney.
 

MK Shrimper

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 6, 2005
Messages
52,329
Victoria is a fox? Are you insane, she's a animated pipe cleaner - horrendous woman! It's marvellous what heavy make up, photoshop and clever lightning can acheive...
 

Slipperduke

The Camden Cad
Joined
Aug 24, 2004
Messages
4,333
Location
North London
victoria-beckham.jpg


Are you telling me that you wouldn't?!
 
Joined
Feb 17, 2004
Messages
19,752
Location
G69
Bah ... whats the matter with you pal

Any holes a goal
Any port in a storm

etc etc ...

Already had a similar office discussion today about why I find Cheryl Cole repulsive (as well as 2 other members of her band)...

I think in VB's case, she looks far too like 2 people who I vaguely know & have no wish to go anywhere near in that kind of way. Plus I remember the stories about how she allegedly had poor feminine hygiene whilst at school...
 

BLUEBLOOD

Moderator of Moderators
Joined
Sep 22, 2005
Messages
16,223
Location
Southend On Sea
Already had a similar office discussion today about why I find Cheryl Cole repulsive (as well as 2 other members of her band)...

I think in VB's case, she looks far too like 2 people who I vaguely know & have no wish to go anywhere near in that kind of way. Plus I remember the stories about how she allegedly had poor feminine hygiene whilst at school...

The only doubt i'd have about banging Cole would be the odious creep already riding it, as for posh having a less than posh fanny then i must admit it would be a proper moment wrecker :puke
 

OldBlueLady

Junior Blues Coordinator⭐
Joined
Dec 27, 2007
Messages
47,883
Location
Benfleet
Am gobsmacked at Glasgow's most unnatural selectiveness here - he's not normally so choosy if evidence on other threads is to be believed!:stunned:
 
Joined
Feb 17, 2004
Messages
19,752
Location
G69
Am gobsmacked at Glasgow's most unnatural selectiveness here - he's not normally so choosy if evidence on other threads is to be believed!:stunned:

THE finger is hovering over a certain colour...dug yourself in rather here haven't you??? :stunned: :nope: :madman:
 

OldBlueLady

Junior Blues Coordinator⭐
Joined
Dec 27, 2007
Messages
47,883
Location
Benfleet
THE finger is hovering over a certain colour...dug yourself in rather here haven't you??? :stunned: :nope: :madman:

Well, it's true isn't it? :whistling: Anyway, to return to the subject in, er, hand - Becks all day long over the Portugese pansy, and nothing to do with VB at all!
 

OldBlueLady

Junior Blues Coordinator⭐
Joined
Dec 27, 2007
Messages
47,883
Location
Benfleet
How about a bit of Fem-a-Fem with Cheryl Cole then ??

Sorry to disappoint you, but doesn't interest me at all - yes, she's a lovely looking young woman, way too thin though, but that's as far as my appreciation goes.
 

Matt the Shrimp

aka Harry Potter
Joined
Oct 27, 2003
Messages
19,929
Location
Lewisham, London
Having seen both of the Beckhams in the flesh, I suspect I would turn for David before jumping into bed with Victoria. He is surprisingly good looking; she was scrawny and orange.

:thump:
 
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