You can't beat a bit of Tommy so which was his best?
1. Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.
2. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
3. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, No, the steaks are too high.
4. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
5. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!". The doctor replied, "I know you
can't, I've cut your arms off".
6. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank. Proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
7. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
8. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it".
9. A man takes his Rottweiller to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well", says the vet, "let's have a look at him". So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What, because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy".
10. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside". "How's that?" "Don't you start".
11. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom! !!
12. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great; the world's your oyster, go for it."
13. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my Mum or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? I think its Colin.
14. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "your round". The other
one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!"
15. Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
1. Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.
2. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
3. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, No, the steaks are too high.
4. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
5. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!". The doctor replied, "I know you
can't, I've cut your arms off".
6. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank. Proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
7. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
8. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it".
9. A man takes his Rottweiller to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well", says the vet, "let's have a look at him". So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What, because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy".
10. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside". "How's that?" "Don't you start".
11. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom! !!
12. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great; the world's your oyster, go for it."
13. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my Mum or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? I think its Colin.
14. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "your round". The other
one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!"
15. Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
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