We've all told  few porkies when chatting up birds

[Bromley Blue]

I'm currently on my work placement year here in Bournemouth. Since my uni mates moved out at the end of the June I have been joined in the house by 4 foreign students, 3 Swiss n 1 from Syria.
To my disappointment they consist of 3 blokes n 1 middle aged lady. However, the other night they all went out to a foreign night at one of the clubs down here and me and my mate are thinking of going along and trying to pull some foreign filth.

We're not sure whether you have to be foreign to get in so this may involve us both putting on a dodgy accent for the duration of the night. If we were convincing enough and struck it lucky at what point would you tell the bird you're english before you get found out?

Also what are the best lies you've come out with in order to score?

P.S a mate of mine once did this and ended up having to go to dinner with a bird's parents as an Aussie.

 

[Napster]

My mate once told some girl I was Swedish at a party in Dundee.

I put on my Swedish chef impression and talked about Abba. It was only when I asked for a pint of 80 later on I ws rumbled. Didn't seem to matter though

 

[Murkey_Mouse]

I told the 3 girls (sexy looking blondies) at Nightclub in Amsterdam, Holland, that I was a footballer who play for Spainish Segunda Division side, as I do look like a footballer with my fit body, then the girls was all over me & off to my Hotel!.

I would'nt dare try that lie in Southend's Nightspot

 

[Smiffy]

To be honest, i'd be more concerned that you have a Syrian in the house....

 

[Stats]

Beware that foreign night you have a syrian housemate all you need is for the israelies, lebonese and iranians to turn up and there will be a right blast!!

Incidentally I used to use the old pro footballer line until my waistline expanded and I became a pro golfer

 

[Bromley Blue]

Quote[/b] (statski77 @ July 26 2006,13:52)]Beware that foreign night you have a syrian housemate all you need is for the israelies, lebonese and iranians to turn up and there will be a right blast!!

Incidentally I used to use the old pro footballer line until my waistline expanded and I became a pro golfer

Yeah tell me about it. The landlord came round after my mates moved out to clean the house for this lot to move in. She said "Oh apparantly one of em's from Syria.hope he's not a terrorist" and then laughed. Yeah cheers I'm really gonna sleep well knowing ol Mustapha's upstairs making a bomb.

Oh also seeing as we're on the subject of things happening with birds....

Went Swansea away last season with Wessex Blue and he was saying something about a thread about slipperduke's conquests..anyone know how to dig this one out of the archive coz he said it was side splitting

 

[Firestorm]

When I was "between wives" a few years back I used the line that I was Russell Crowe's brother.......

Technically it wasn't a lie, just it wasn't the Russell Crowe everyone expects......

 

[DTS]

When I was about 17 me and 7 lads went to Malia on a lads holiday. We were much younger than everyone else and our chances of getting some action were looking grim on the plane over there as the competion on our plane were early lads in their 20's plus.

My mate Matt who lies for a living (Estate Agent) decided we would be the Chelsea Youth Team over in Crete for a football tournament. It was working a bit too well. Our rep got word of it and announced it over the tannoy on our first night. We got so much attention it was untrue. Within seconds I personally had two Scots birds trying to get hold of my love truncheon on the dance floor.

I finally grabbed some bird called Carly Morris who worked for Orange in Bristol - Went back to hers and did the deed. Carly was so interested to know about Gullit,Vialli and Lebouf as she was Chelsea mad. I come out with a load of crap about getting a lift to training with Dan Petrescu and lodginng with Jody Morris......She was amazed...

Needless to say I did the walk of shame the next day. As I left she asked me for my autograph - Could hardly say No could I.......

 

[South Bank Hank]

Quote[/b] (Murkey_Mouse @ July 26 2006,13:40)]I told the 3 girls (sexy looking blondies) at Nightclub in Amsterdam, Holland, that I was a footballer who play for Spainish Segunda Division side, as I do look like a footballer with my fit body...

Beardsley?
Dowie?
Campo?

 

[DTS]

Quote[/b] (Murkey_Mouse @ July 26 2006,13:40)]I told the 3 girls (sexy looking blondies) at Nightclub in Amsterdam, Holland, that I was a footballer who play for Spainish Segunda Division side, as I do look like a footballer with my fit body, then the girls was all over me & off to my Hotel!.

I would'nt dare try that lie in Southend's Nightspot

With your appalling grasp of basic English I can see how this lie would seem quite plausable.

 

[Jonny_Stokes]

Quote[/b] (Dave the Shrimper @ July 26 2006,14:17)]

Quote[/b] (Murkey_Mouse @ July 26 2006,13:40)]I told the 3 girls (sexy looking blondies) at Nightclub in Amsterdam, Holland, that I was a footballer who play for Spainish Segunda Division side, as I do look like a footballer with my fit body, then the girls was all over me & off to my Hotel!.

I would'nt dare try that lie in Southend's Nightspot

With your appalling grasp of basic English I can see how this lie would seem quite plausable.

Ooooh, burn!

ps. I have never told a lie in my life, as they make baby Jesus cry.

 

[Bromley Blue]

Quote[/b] (Dave the Shrimper @ July 26 2006,14:10)]Needless to say I did the walk of shame the next day. As I left she asked me for my autograph - Could hardly say No could I.......

Yeah I was on a family holiday in Canada when I was younger and we went to a theme park. As I queued up wearing my England shirt this Japanese guy working on the ride I was queuing for got very excited. I had "Scholes 8" on the back and he thought I was Paul Scholes. He asked for a photo to which I obliged and I was just about to sign an autograph when my dad stepped in to tell the truth...no sense of humour lol

 

[South Bank Hank]

Quote[/b] (the_saafender @ July 26 2006,14:21)]

Quote[/b] (Dave the Shrimper @ July 26 2006,14:10)]Needless to say I did the walk of shame the next day. As I left she asked me for my autograph - Could hardly say No could I.......

Yeah I was on a family holiday in Canada when I was younger and we went to a theme park. As I queued up wearing my England shirt this Japanese guy working on the ride I was queuing for got very excited. I had "Scholes 8" on the back and he thought I was Paul Scholes. He asked for a photo to which I obliged and I was just about to sign an autograph when my dad stepped in to tell the truth...no sense of humour lol

To be fair to the poor Japanese fella, you DO see a lot of professional footballers out and about wearing their club shirts complete with name and squad number. Simple mistake to make.

 

[Bromley Blue]

Quote[/b] (South Bank Hank @ July 26 2006,14:29)]

Quote[/b] (the_saafender @ July 26 2006,14:21)]

Quote[/b] (Dave the Shrimper @ July 26 2006,14:10)]Needless to say I did the walk of shame the next day. As I left she asked me for my autograph - Could hardly say No could I.......

Yeah I was on a family holiday in Canada when I was younger and we went to a theme park. As I queued up wearing my England shirt this Japanese guy working on the ride I was queuing for got very excited. I had "Scholes 8" on the back and he thought I was Paul Scholes. He asked for a photo to which I obliged and I was just about to sign an autograph when my dad stepped in to tell the truth...no sense of humour lol

To be fair to the poor Japanese fella, you DO see a lot of professional footballers out and about wearing their club shirts complete with name and squad number. Simple mistake to make.

Yeah that was the funniest part...if I was Paul Scholes I'd prob be trying to keep my head down and away from publicity...not wear my England shirt with the name on the back!

 

[South Bank Hank]

Quote[/b] (the_saafender @ July 26 2006,14:31)]

Quote[/b] (South Bank Hank @ July 26 2006,14:29)]

Quote[/b] (the_saafender @ July 26 2006,14:21)]

Quote[/b] (Dave the Shrimper @ July 26 2006,14:10)]Needless to say I did the walk of shame the next day. As I left she asked me for my autograph - Could hardly say No could I.......

Yeah I was on a family holiday in Canada when I was younger and we went to a theme park. As I queued up wearing my England shirt this Japanese guy working on the ride I was queuing for got very excited. I had "Scholes 8" on the back and he thought I was Paul Scholes. He asked for a photo to which I obliged and I was just about to sign an autograph when my dad stepped in to tell the truth...no sense of humour lol

To be fair to the poor Japanese fella, you DO see a lot of professional footballers out and about wearing their club shirts complete with name and squad number. Simple mistake to make.

Yeah that was the funniest part...if I was Paul Scholes I'd prob be trying to keep my head down and away from publicity...not wear my England shirt with the name on the back!

Are you, how shall we say... Scholes-esque?

 

[blues_r_best]

Quote[/b] (the_saafender @ July 26 2006,14:01)]Went Swansea away last season with Wessex Blue and he was saying something about a thread about slipperduke's conquests..anyone know how to dig this one out of the archive coz  he said it was side splitting

Slipperduke's conquests

 

[Bromley Blue]

Err there's a slight redness to my hair but I'm talking very slight not the bright orange of Paul Scholes...oh and the fact that I was probably about 16 at the time should have given it away.

 

[South Bank Hank]

Quote[/b] (the_saafender @ July 26 2006,14:40)]Err there's a slight redness to my hair but I'm talking very slight not the bright orange of Paul Scholes...oh and the fact that I was probably about 16 at the time should have given it away.

Having just spent twenty minutes re-reading the (recommended) thread above, Slipperduke, you took it like a man!

 

[DTS]

Quote[/b] (blues_r_best @ July 26 2006,14:34)]

Quote[/b] (the_saafender @ July 26 2006,14:01)]Went Swansea away last season with Wessex Blue and he was saying something about a thread about slipperduke's conquests..anyone know how to dig this one out of the archive coz  he said it was side splitting

Slipperduke's conquests

Personally I found that the funniest topic I have ever seen on here.

 

[Bromley Blue]

Yep I just read it all and agree it deserved Wessex Blue's rave review. Be up for meeting Dts and Slipperduke for a pre-match beer if you've got tales like that to tell!