We've all told  few porkies when chatting up birds

[EastStandBlue]

Napa earlier this month... Quite a few lies told as you might expect

 

[J]

my other car's a metro.. i once said, as she was sitting on my seat in my ferrari 360

 

[J]

or the other way round..

 

[DTS]

Quote[/b] (EastStandBlue @ July 26 2006,15:59)]Napa earlier this month... Quite a few lies told as you might expect

Any examples ESB....?

 

[EastStandBlue]

Quote[/b] (Dave the Shrimper @ July 26 2006,16:06)]

Quote[/b] (EastStandBlue @ July 26 2006,15:59)]Napa earlier this month... Quite a few lies told as you might expect

Any examples ESB....?

Let's see...

a few girls from Stoke (Rough

) thought a group of us were footballers on a tour and undergoing trials at Cypriot football clubs.

Another girl was under the impression we were DJ's there with a free room at a hotel.

The usual YTS story was told... I had a Southend shirt with me and SUFC flag flying over my balcony...

 

[Smudger]

I've been a Zoo Keeper at London Zoo on holiday in Tenerife ("I look after the terrapins and tortoises"), part of a group of Esso Trainee Managers in Greece ("listen love, I'll get my own petrol station next month...well, when the boss is on holiday") and part of the British Olympic Rowing Team all over the world -("we saw you looking at us...you watched us on Grandstand last week didn't you? Coxless pairs?? We came second behind the Canadians") Most successful of all though was when I told a girl I was Southend United's reserve team goalkeeper. I'd gone into loads of details about life as a pro 'keeper with additional "inside" info about some top players. Did you know that David Ginola was actually a poof? Anyway, she was really into her football and loved it. We ended up back at mine, with one thing (and lie) leading to another. Aas she was leaving in the morning she said, "Well, I'll look out for you on TV then?" I said "Yeah.....my agent's said Palace are interested..." Shameful really....:blush: could at least have been a proper team....

 

[Alexis_SUFC]

I've recently been on crutches and often got approached when I was hobbling around town and nightspots. When I first got them I'd fall over alot, on one of my many trips to the ground a fitty helped me up and asked why I was on crutches, to which I said "I got run over" (I really slipped playing football). She was amazed that I was alive and asked what exactly happened when I got hit so I geniusly added that a little girl was in the road and I pushed her out of the way and got hit myself. She still believes me, should really tell her the truth when I see her tomorrow.

Another favourite is that when I was at college (left this summer) I was in the Football Academy, now this doesn't mean I'm any good but it does mean that I have FOOTBALL ACADEMY written on a few T-shirts, polo shirts and the rest of the kit we wore. When asked how good I am, I'm not going to say I'm one of the worst players am I? so various clubs get named.

Alexis

 

[EastStandBlue]

Quote[/b] (Alexis_SUFC @ July 26 2006,16:47)]so I geniusly added that a little girl was in the road and I pushed her out of the way and got hit myself. She still believes me, should really tell her the truth when I see her tomorrow.

Thats Shameful...

 

[Alexis_SUFC]

Quote[/b] (EastStandBlue @ July 26 2006,16:52)]

Quote[/b] (Alexis_SUFC @ July 26 2006,16:47)]so I geniusly added that a little girl was in the road and I pushed her out of the way and got hit myself. She still believes me, should really tell her the truth when I see her tomorrow.

 

 Thats Shameful...

Really? I think its genius myself.

Alexis

PS. get hurt and get some crutches, works a treat.

 

[EastStandBlue]

Quote[/b] (Alexis_SUFC @ July 26 2006,16:54)]

Quote[/b] (EastStandBlue @ July 26 2006,16:52)]

Quote[/b] (Alexis_SUFC @ July 26 2006,16:47)]so I geniusly added that a little girl was in the road and I pushed her out of the way and got hit myself. She still believes me, should really tell her the truth when I see her tomorrow.

Thats Shameful...

Really? I think its genius myself.

Alexis

PS. get hurt and get some crutches, works a treat.

Genius... but Shameful...

 

[Hong Kong Blue]

Quote[/b] (Smudger @ July 26 2006,16:42)]Most successful of all though was when I told a girl I was Southend United's reserve team goalkeeper.

Pretending to be Gay were you?

 

[Smudger]

At that time I would have had to have been Mel Capleton....:D

 

[Stats]

Quote[/b] (Smudger @ July 26 2006,23:30)]At that time I would have had to have been Mel Capleton....:D

The resemblance you have to mr fantastic elastic is uncanning smudger

Twins separated at birth

 

[Westcliff Shrimper]

My mate Wayne told a couple of Norwegian girls we met in a bar in Riga (Latvia) that he is a "Bouncy Castle Repair Man". He actually works for BP over Corrington...

Genius

 

[McNasty]

This is so unbelievable , but absolutely true.

Went into a pet shop suited and booted to buy some frozen tripe for the dog, 30 ish year old bird serving told me to see the manager and he asked why she didn't serve me. She said "I thought he was a salesman" I told her "I wasn't a salesman but a Gynaecologist". She replied "Could you have a look at me DOWN THERE as I have a problem?" Thinking quickly "Do I really want to look at the ill flange of some bird in a pet shop and end up getting arrested?"
I told her to visit her GP and if he thought she needed referring I might see her at the hospital.

I escaped without having to insert my hand into a diseased flange.

 

[Smudger]

Quote[/b] (mcnasty @ July 27 2006,15:44)] Thinking quickly "Do I really want to look at the ill flange of some bird in a pet shop  and end up getting arrested?"

I wonder how many other people in the World have been faced with that choice?!

 

[Greenelk]

Many moons ago, when I was still a teenager, I actually used the old, I work for a subsidery of Aer Lingus line.

This harks back to one of DTS earlier posts about being a wingman. there were two 17 year old girls on the camp site we were visiting (in Weymouth), one of them very pretty, one of them a total munter. now the pretty one only had eyes for my mate, but there was no way I was going anywhere near the other one... so I decided to be clever and go on about how I worked for cunninglingus, thinking that nobody could be stupid enough to actually fall for that, and they would be offended by me acting like a tw&t... 30 minutes later, and having run out of stories to tell about working for an Irish airline, I think I resorted to telling them all to f*@k off, before staggering into the night.

My mate still got lucky, so he forgave me my little outburst.

 

[Jam_Man]

On holiday in Tenerife I once told a girl who asked what I did for a living that I played for the Belgium international side.

The fact that I am pretty obviously from Essex I would have thought of being a failry large giveaway even if she didnt realise internation football wasnt the way to make a living....

Still theres some German/Canadian bloke who has nicked my idea and is pretending to play for England....

 

[Shrimper2thecore]

We have all been fotballers at some point, young start in Arsenal's youth set up etc

 

[chadded]

Dolphin trainer, underwater electrician. Work for the British Government (Bond used it in Goldeneye) which is often followed by, I can't talk about it.