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Blue tinted optimist⭐
Oct 28, 2003
Cloud cuckoo land
I'm sure most of us get the ezine from the club called the Blues Insider.

I was reading todays and saw the Q&A session with Scannell called "One on One". It's a regular feature where fans can ask players questions and they are answered in this column.

Over lunch I just got to thinking what sort of answers Foran would give if he was asked similar questions to Scannell and so here is a satirical look at what those answers may have been..

Q - Richie, how hard is the change from the SPL to the English leagues?

RF - Well initially it was quite hard. The CCC is a decent standard and certainly comparable to the SPL apart from the big two. Talking of "big two's" I'll be back shortly...

30 minutes later

That's better. Where was I? Oh yes... SPL. CCC is quite similar... can't comment on league one as I haven't played in it much. League two is a doddle as I found out with Darlington last year but they couldn't match my wages. Couldn't pay me a month what I'm on a week here to play with my x-box and certain other boxes of the female variety.

Q - What's the biggest difference between this level and your previous one?

RF - I don't score enough penalties. I don't know why as I'm always going down in the box. The women are better though and I can get a decent signal on my mobile.

Q - Which player is the hardest trainer at the club?

RF - That has to be Nicky Bailey. Really puts the work in. Good lad. What? He's gone? He was around last time I went... God knows then... I just go along and get injured so I can get treated. What's training anyway?

Q - If you were to play a two a side knockout tournament with the rest of the first team who would you like most to be your partner?

RF - Me and Macca. We'd knock any of those other b****** out. Wouldn't stand a chance... especially people like Revs and Barnard who are right Southern Jessies. Oh... football? Not Macca then as he'd be sent off and I'd be injured so we wouldn't have a team. Knock em out in the bar afterwards though!

Q - What are the most kick ups you've ever done?

RF - 4. But there are plenty of people I'd like to kick up the arse...

And finally...

Q - If you could improve one part of your game, what would it be?

RF - What game are we talking about? Championship manager? Seriously though I played that and took Darlington into the Prem. I bought myself from here for £150K and paid myself £4K a week and it worked out just fine. Bloody cheapskates won't do it in real life though. What would I improve? Well, can't think of anything actually. The X-Box gives my thumbs RSI so I'd work on some additional thumb and digit fitness I think.

Disclaimer - actual questions posed are not real questions. Richie Foran did not participate in this fictional and satirical interview. Any similarity to any real events is entirely coincidental but perhaps not unsurprising.


Jun 30, 2004
You'd definitely get green from me if I didn't have to spread it around first.