sufc_stu
Coach
Joke 1:
Once upon a time in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.
"Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am."
"It's quite OK," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you."
"Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny.
So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit."
"Oh, thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement.
The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me." So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls. I'd say you must be French".
Joke 2:
A beautiful, young lady about 21 went to a doctor and asked for a check-up. The doctor claimed that he had to use a thermometer for the check-up. So the doctor asked her, "Where shall I put the thermometer?"
The girl replied, "... uh ... not in my mouth, Doc. I might swallow it."
"Okay... let's try your armpit." the doctor suggested.
"Well, it might tickle me, Doc. How about my butt?" the girl queried.
"Okay then," so he put the thing in the girl's butt.
Later, the girl while giggling exclaimed, "that's not my butt, Doc!"
The doctor replied, "That's okay dear... it's not the thermometer, either."
Joke 3:
Two blondes on a beach in California. One says to the other,
"which is the farthest away, the sun or Florida?"
The other one replies,
"you silly bitch it's the Florida of course, you can see the sun from here!!!"
Joke 4:
A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith for advice about enlarging her breasts.
He told her, "Everyday when you get out of the shower, rub your breast's and say, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger b**bies."
She did this faithfully for several months, and it worked! She grew great boobs!
One morning, she was running late and when she was on the bus,
she realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. At this point, she
loved her new boobs and didn't want to lose them, so she got up, right in the middle of the bus, and said, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger b**bies."
A guy was sitting nearby and asked her, "Do you go to Dr. Smith by
any chance?"
"Why, yes, I do. How did you know?"
He leaned toward her, winked, and whispered, "Hickory dickory
dock..."
Joke 5:
A lady walks into a bar and says,
"Barkeep, gimme a martooni." The bartender goes back and fixes her a martini. She downs it and says, "Barkeep, gimme another martooni."
So he goes back and fixes her another martini. She downs that, and just sits there and doesn't say anything. Finally after about 10 minutes bartender says, "Would you like another?"
She says, "Oh, no, I got this terrible heartburn."
The bartender says, "Okay, there are three things wrong here:
Number 1: It's martini, not martooni.
Number 2: It's bartender, not barkeep, and
Number 3: You're not having heartburn, your b**b's in the ash tray."
Joke 6:
A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem.
In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."
That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife.
At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting. As the two began, they found themselves in the 69 position. The man, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol.
The next day, the man went back to the doctor.
The doctor asked, "How did it go?"
The man answered, "Not that well... when I fired the pistol, my wife sh*t on my face, bit 3 inches off my p*nis and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"
Once upon a time in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.
"Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am."
"It's quite OK," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you."
"Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny.
So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit."
"Oh, thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement.
The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me." So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls. I'd say you must be French".
Joke 2:
A beautiful, young lady about 21 went to a doctor and asked for a check-up. The doctor claimed that he had to use a thermometer for the check-up. So the doctor asked her, "Where shall I put the thermometer?"
The girl replied, "... uh ... not in my mouth, Doc. I might swallow it."
"Okay... let's try your armpit." the doctor suggested.
"Well, it might tickle me, Doc. How about my butt?" the girl queried.
"Okay then," so he put the thing in the girl's butt.
Later, the girl while giggling exclaimed, "that's not my butt, Doc!"
The doctor replied, "That's okay dear... it's not the thermometer, either."
Joke 3:
Two blondes on a beach in California. One says to the other,
"which is the farthest away, the sun or Florida?"
The other one replies,
"you silly bitch it's the Florida of course, you can see the sun from here!!!"
Joke 4:
A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith for advice about enlarging her breasts.
He told her, "Everyday when you get out of the shower, rub your breast's and say, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger b**bies."
She did this faithfully for several months, and it worked! She grew great boobs!
One morning, she was running late and when she was on the bus,
she realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. At this point, she
loved her new boobs and didn't want to lose them, so she got up, right in the middle of the bus, and said, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger b**bies."
A guy was sitting nearby and asked her, "Do you go to Dr. Smith by
any chance?"
"Why, yes, I do. How did you know?"
He leaned toward her, winked, and whispered, "Hickory dickory
dock..."
Joke 5:
A lady walks into a bar and says,
"Barkeep, gimme a martooni." The bartender goes back and fixes her a martini. She downs it and says, "Barkeep, gimme another martooni."
So he goes back and fixes her another martini. She downs that, and just sits there and doesn't say anything. Finally after about 10 minutes bartender says, "Would you like another?"
She says, "Oh, no, I got this terrible heartburn."
The bartender says, "Okay, there are three things wrong here:
Number 1: It's martini, not martooni.
Number 2: It's bartender, not barkeep, and
Number 3: You're not having heartburn, your b**b's in the ash tray."
Joke 6:
A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem.
In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."
That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife.
At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting. As the two began, they found themselves in the 69 position. The man, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol.
The next day, the man went back to the doctor.
The doctor asked, "How did it go?"
The man answered, "Not that well... when I fired the pistol, my wife sh*t on my face, bit 3 inches off my p*nis and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"
