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southend4ever

I used to play a little.
Joined
Oct 24, 2003
Messages
8,756
Enjoy!

JT has signed up to star in a new TV show. It's called Other Footballers' Wives.



Ashley Cole was caught doing 104mph in a 50mph zone. When questioned by police as to why he was speeding, he said: "l've just heard JT is parked outside my house!"



England manager Fabio Capello phoned Wayne Bridge and said: "JT's lost the captain's armband. Can you do me a favour and have a good look under your bed for it?"



So JT was sleeping with Wayne Bridge's girl. Poor old Wayne - he wasn't even first choice with his missus.



It's a good thing JT doesn't bring all his girlfriends to watch him play every match. Abramovich would have to increase the capacity of Stamford Bridge by 20,000.



Newsflash just in: "Bridge close to collapsing in Manchester. Support needed."



So JT has been caught stealing another man's girl. I bet his old mum will be so proud he's learned something from her.



Somebody bought me a box of Terry's All Gold. I was shocked to find new chocs called French Fancy and Cheat Cluster.



What have Wayne's ex-missus and the 2008 Champions League final goalpost got in common? They've both been banged by JT.



The England team have voted for Terry to keep his place in the World Cup squad. With the ban on WAGs travelling to South Africa, no one wants him left behind.



(To the tune of Lord Of The Dance)"Chelsea, wherever they may be, "Don't leave your bird with John Terry.

"Cos he likes a shag, he likes a bit of fluff, "And he'll get your missus up the duff!"



Did you know JT has scored 28 times at the Bridge? Nah, nor did Wayne.



What's John Terry's favourite song? Under The Bridge.



Wayne sent his missus a replica of his willy made from Cadbury's chocolate. But she refused it, saying she prefers Terry's!



Bridge refuses to play for England while John Terry's captain...let's hope he starts cheating with Heskey's missus too.
 

EastStandBlue

Life President
Joined
May 29, 2005
Messages
15,487
tired-yawn.jpg
 

southend4ever

I used to play a little.
Joined
Oct 24, 2003
Messages
8,756
hahaha sarcastic bunch of shrimperloozers - If they don't benefit you don't have a dig - I will leave a death note saying it were this site that drove me to kill.
 

southend4ever

I used to play a little.
Joined
Oct 24, 2003
Messages
8,756
Then great... I didn't make them up myself. I have received them all days earlier but not in an email like that. I do not apologise I just hope there is mercy on the souls of those who criticise. FYL
 

EastStandBlue

Life President
Joined
May 29, 2005
Messages
15,487
hahaha sarcastic bunch of shrimperloozers - If they don't benefit you don't have a dig - I will leave a death note saying it were this site that drove me to kill.
Then great... I didn't make them up myself. I have received them all days earlier but not in an email like that. I do not apologise I just hope there is mercy on the souls of those who criticise. FYL

I laughed at these more than the jokes, to be honest...
 

Matt the Shrimp

aka Harry Potter
Joined
Oct 27, 2003
Messages
19,929
Location
Lewisham, London
I liked these two takes on the Chelsea song:

Carefree wherever you may be, don't leave your wife with john terry, his dad deals coke and his mum steals tea, he cried when he missed a penalty

Carefree wherever you may be, don't leave your wife with john terry, he cannot shoot and he can't f***ing pass, but he'll take your Mrs. up the a*se
 

londonblue

Topgun Pilot
Joined
Feb 18, 2004
Messages
16,525
One or two made me chuckle, but the "entourage of jokes" made me laugh more!
 

southend4ever

I used to play a little.
Joined
Oct 24, 2003
Messages
8,756
I liked these two takes on the Chelsea song:

Carefree wherever you may be, don't leave your wife with john terry, his dad deals coke and his mum steals tea, he cried when he missed a penalty

Carefree wherever you may be, don't leave your wife with john terry, he cannot shoot and he can't f***ing pass, but he'll take your Mrs. up the a*se

I had that in a text. probably get put away for that these days.
 

southend4ever

I used to play a little.
Joined
Oct 24, 2003
Messages
8,756
Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.



A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'

Granny replies, f**k the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!




Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantly agrees. Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks, 'Dad, what's love juice?'

Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex.

Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement.

Dad says, 'So what were you watching?'

Billy says, 'Wimbledon.'



A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband, I look horrible, I feel fat & ugly, pay me a compliment.'

He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.'



Wife gets naked & asks hubby, 'What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?'

Hubby looks her up & down and replies, 'Your sense of humour!



An elderly couple is attending Mass.
About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?'


He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'
 

londonblue

Topgun Pilot
Joined
Feb 18, 2004
Messages
16,525
From Frank Skinner in The Times:

The problem is that British footballers are so parochial. They generally, like Terry, marry their childhood sweethearts so we shouldn’t be surprised that when they wander it’s not very far. Terry didn’t even venture out of the back four.
 

davewebbsbrain

Webby⭐
Joined
Aug 17, 2005
Messages
22,496
Location
Eastwood
Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.



A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'

Granny replies, f**k the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!




Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantly agrees. Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks, 'Dad, what's love juice?'

Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex.

Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement.

Dad says, 'So what were you watching?'

Billy says, 'Wimbledon.'



A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband, I look horrible, I feel fat & ugly, pay me a compliment.'

He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.'



Wife gets naked & asks hubby, 'What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?'

Hubby looks her up & down and replies, 'Your sense of humour!



An elderly couple is attending Mass.
About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?'


He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'

Not many John Terry jokes there!
 
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