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Saturday 11th November 2017

Well, another week and, to be brutally honest, nothing much has happened.

As yer know, we were due to play Oldham today, but I gots a call from Richie Wellingtons last week, saying he was losing some crucial players to fictitious internationals in Central America and they can't make it. I says that nae problem, as I booked me and the lads on a holiday to me favourite place, Tenerife. I loves it there.

They were all excited and packing for the week, when Horts went and organized a bl**dy kickaboot at Roots Hall. He even invited some representatives from clubs who might be interested in signing wor players that I'm hopin to offload in January. It worked a treat, though, as Theo bagged a hat-trick and put himself firmly in the shop window!

The other neet, of course, we played that Colcheser Reserves in the most important cup competition in the calendar. It were a good workout, but Coxy missed another penalty. I really need to find some fella who can bang those in. Bit like that Gilligham lad who scored that hat-trick last season. If only we could get someone like him. I'll get Coghs on to it!

Now, there I was chillin yesterday afternoon watching me favouirte comedy, Mrs Brown's Boys, when I suddenly remembered they're all tax dodging thieves, with offshore accounts in Mauritius! .. So instead I called oop me old mate, Larry Grayson, as he's just been sacked and feeling a bit low and, if truth be told, I'm drifting in the betting a bit too much for my liking. I gave him a sympathetic ear for aboot 5 minutes and then asked him what they are looking for. He said they wanted someone with an open door policy and he didnae fit the bill. I says that's reet oop me street, that. Me door's always open, unless it's those Shrimpermoan lot! .. Well, I was seething for a few days, but I thoughts that if they don't want me then f**k 'em. I've a job to do here .. and, to tell yer the truth, there'll be another vacancy there again in six months time, anyway!

I know a lot of people were angry that we got knocked oot of the FA Cup last weekend, saying we shouldnae lose to that sh*te and it was if we didnae care .. I agreed. No-one, except me, had shown them any respect. I'd even watched some youtube clips from me hotel room in Sunderland, to see what they were like. As it turned oot, it was when the sheep shearers oop the road had beaten them 1-0, so I just said to go oot and play like those Community Stadium lads and all would be OK!

Well, it's all history, as they say and I've got a flight to catch. Those sunbeds don't move themselves, eh, do they?! ... See you at Pompey! :thumbsup:
 
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Saturday 11th November 2017

Well, another week and, to be brutally honest, nothing much has happened.

As yer know, we were due to play Oldham today, but I gots a call from Richie Wellingtons last week, saying he was losing some crucial players to fictitious internationals in Central America and they can't make it. I says that nae problem, as I booked me and the lads on a holiday to me favourite place, Tenerife. I loves it there.

They were all excited and packing for the week, when Horts went and organized a bl**dy kickaboot at Roots Hall. He even invited some representatives from clubs who might be interested in signing wor players that I'm hopin to offload in January. It worked a treat, though, as Theo bagged a hat-trick and put himself firmly in the shop window!

The other neet, of course, we played that Colcheser Reserves in the most important cup competition in the calendar. It were a good workout, but Coxy missed another penalty. I really need to find some fella who can bang those in. Bit like that Gilligham lad who scored that hat-trick last season. If only we could get someone like him. I'll get Coghs on to it!

Now, there I was chillin yesterday afternoon watching me favouirte comedy, Mrs Brown's Boys, when I suddenly remembered they're all tax dodging thieves, with offshore accounts in Mauritius! .. So instead I called oop me old mate, Larry Grayson, as he's just been sacked and feeling a bit low and, if truth be told, I'm drifting in the betting a bit too much for my liking. I gave him a sympathetic ear for aboot 5 minutes and then asked him what they are looking for. He said they wanted someone with an open door policy and he didnae fit the bill. I says that's reet oop me street, that. Me door's always open, unless it's those Shrimpermoan lot! .. Well, I was seething for a few days, but I thoughts that if they don't want me then f**k 'em. I've a job to do here .. and, to tell yer the truth, there'll be another vacancy there again in six months time, anyway!

I know a lot of people were angry that we got knocked oot of the FA Cup last weekend, saying we shouldnae lose to that sh*te and it was if we didnae care .. I agreed. No-one, except me, had shown them any respect. I'd even watched some youtube clips from me hotel room in Sunderland, to see what they were like. As it turned oot, it was when the sheep shearers oop the road had beaten them 1-0, so I just said to go oot and play like those Community Stadium lads and all would be OK!

Well, it's all history, as they say and I've got a flight to catch. Those sunbeds don't move themselves, eh, do they?! ... See you at Pompey! :thumbsup:

That one will be wasted on the youngsters.

Excellent stuff.
 
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MO 'fbm'. I wasn't sure if the reference would stand up to scrutiny! :thumbsup:
 
Monday 20th November 2017

Iechyd da, boyos! ..

No, I havnae got a cold, I've found meself in the good old green green grass of home. Well, Pontypridd to be brutally honest.

Yer see, after Saturday's defeat I needed to get away, so I thought it aboot time I visited me dear old Uncle and Aunt, Bryn and Blodwyn Brown. There's Welsh blood in me bones, for sure. I knows, cos me favourite singer is old Shirley Bassett. Hey Big Spender is one of me all-time classics. Ron doesnae like it much when I play it in the car to away matches, though. He prefers Money's Too Tight to Mention. Can't stand it meself. I tells him that's Garbage that is, but he insists it's Simply Red. What does he know, eh?!

So, after a greet Saturday neet reminiscing and watching old Max Boyce videos, meself and Uncle Bryn popped over to see me nephew, Bevan Brown, playing for local side, Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch United. They're playing Rhyl. As the game unfolded, me Uncle tells me of the greet players that have graced the Welsh side. Ron Davies, Leighton James, Ivor Allchurch, Ryan Giggs and Trevor Hockey. Who can forget those star names, etched in our Welsh hearts. That seemed to inspire the local lads and they romped home 1-0. One of the loyal supporters had started up a "Give us an L" at half-time and was still at it as we left the groond. Dedication that is! .. and a sore throat!

As I looked at the hills and valleys on me way back for lunch, I couldnae help feeling the pride welling oop inside me. It really is the land of me fathers. Well, me long lost Uncle, if truth be told, but it's good enough for me and maybe the Welsh FA, eh! .. Aunt Blodwyn sat us doon around the fire and said me Uncle would remind us of the greet Bread of Heaven. Stirring stuff I thought, as I remembered the whole of the Arms Park in full voice, but turns oot it's a bakers in Madog Street, Llaneli, where you can get three ring doughnuts and a Belgian bun, plus change, for a poond! .. Yer've got to likes them numbers, to be truthful.

Now, a lot of people at Fratton Park wouldnae know that we had a bit of a scare on Saturday. Apparently the Pompey Chief Executive received a call from the naval base saying we were under attack, with missiles being spotted on the local radar, but it were only Nile's penalty and a couple of Whitey's crosses, so the emergency crews were stood doon at half-time and order was restored!

Well, as yer know, I had to remind the lads that they shouldnae think they are above league one level and need to realize they're not that good. They haves to prove it and not think they can land any dream job at another club. Seriously, do they think they're that popular!

In fact, I was only thinking that this afternoon, as I stopped off to see me long lost cousin in West Bromwich!

See yer all at MK tomorrow!
 
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Monday 20th November 2017

Iechyd da, boyos! ..

No, I havnae got a cold, I've found meself in the good old green green grass of home. Well, Pontypridd to be brutally honest.

Yer see, after Saturday's defeat I needed to get away, so I thought it aboot time I visited me dear old Uncle and Aunt, Bryn and Blodwyn Brown. There's Welsh blood in me bones, for sure. I knows, cos me favourite singer is old Shirley Bassett. Hey Big Spender is one of me all-time classics. Ron doesnae like it much when I play it in the car to away matches, though. He prefers Money's Too Tight to Mention. Can't stand it meself. I tells him that's Garbage that is, but he insists it's Simply Red. What does he know, eh?!

So, after a greet Saturday neet reminiscing and watching old Max Boyce videos, meself and Uncle Bryn popped over to see me nephew, Bevan Brown, playing for local side, Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiiogogogoch United. They're playing Rhyl. As the game unfolded, me Uncle tells me of the greet players that have graced the Welsh side. Ron Davies, Leighton James, Ivor Allchurch, Ryan Giggs and Trevor Hockey. Who can forget those star names, etched in our Welsh hearts. That seemed to inspire the local lads and they romped home 1-0. One of the loyal supporters had started up a "Give us an L" at half-time and was still at it as we left the groond. Dedication that is! .. and a sore throat!

As I looked at the hills and valleys on me way back for lunch, I couldnae help feeling the pride welling oop inside me. It really is the land of me fathers. Well, me long lost Uncle, if truth be told, but it's good enough for me and maybe the Welsh FA, eh! .. Aunt Blodwyn sat us doon around the fire and said me Uncle will remind us of the greet Bread of Heaven. Stirring stuff I thought, as I remembered the whole of the Arms Park in full voice, but turns oot it's a bakers in Madog Street, Llaneli, where you can get three ring doughnuts and a Belgian bun, plus change for a poond! .. Yer've got to likes them numbers, to be truthful.

Now, al lot of people at Fratton park wouldnae know that we had a bit of a scare on Saturday. Apparently the Pompey Chief Executive received a call from the naval base saying we were under attack, with missiles being spotted on the local radar, but it were only Nile's penalty and a couple of Whitey's crosses, so the emergency crews were stood doon at half-time, so order was restored!

Well, as yer know, I had to remind the lads that they shouldnae think they are above league one level and need to realize they're not that good. They haves to prove it and not think they can land any dream job at another club. Seriously, do they think they're that popular!

I was only thinking that this afternoon, as I stopped off to see me long lost cousin in West Bromwich!

See yer all at MK tomorrow!
Very good as always!
 
Monday 20th November 2017

Iechyd da, boyos! ..

No, I havnae got a cold, I've found meself in the good old green green grass of home. Well, Pontypridd to be brutally honest.

Yer see, after Saturday's defeat I needed to get away, so I thought it aboot time I visited me dear old Uncle and Aunt, Bryn and Blodwyn Brown. There's Welsh blood in me bones, for sure. I knows, cos me favourite singer is old Shirley Bassett. Hey Big Spender is one of me all-time classics. Ron doesnae like it much when I play it in the car to away matches, though. He prefers Money's Too Tight to Mention. Can't stand it meself. I tells him that's Garbage that is, but he insists it's Simply Red. What does he know, eh?!

So, after a greet Saturday neet reminiscing and watching old Max Boyce videos, meself and Uncle Bryn popped over to see me nephew, Bevan Brown, playing for local side, Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch United. They're playing Rhyl. As the game unfolded, me Uncle tells me of the greet players that have graced the Welsh side. Ron Davies, Leighton James, Ivor Allchurch, Ryan Giggs and Trevor Hockey. Who can forget those star names, etched in our Welsh hearts. That seemed to inspire the local lads and they romped home 1-0. One of the loyal supporters had started up a "Give us an L" at half-time and was still at it as we left the groond. Dedication that is! .. and a sore throat!

As I looked at the hills and valleys on me way back for lunch, I couldnae help feeling the pride welling oop inside me. It really is the land of me fathers. Well, me long lost Uncle, if truth be told, but it's good enough for me and maybe the Welsh FA, eh! .. Aunt Blodwyn sat us doon around the fire and said me Uncle will remind us of the greet Bread of Heaven. Stirring stuff I thought, as I remembered the whole of the Arms Park in full voice, but turns oot it's a bakers in Madog Street, Llaneli, where you can get three ring doughnuts and a Belgian bun, plus change, for a poond! .. Yer've got to likes them numbers, to be truthful.

Now, a lot of people at Fratton Park wouldnae know that we had a bit of a scare on Saturday. Apparently the Pompey Chief Executive received a call from the naval base saying we were under attack, with missiles being spotted on the local radar, but it were only Nile's penalty and a couple of Whitey's crosses, so the emergency crews were stood doon at half-time and order was restored!

Well, as yer know, I had to remind the lads that they shouldnae think they are above league one level and need to realize they're not that good. They haves to prove it and not think they can land any dream job at another club. Seriously, do they think they're that popular!

In fact, I was only thinking that this afternoon, as I stopped off to see me long lost cousin in West Bromwich!

See yer all at MK tomorrow!

Literally laughed out loud at the "Give us an L" bit.
 
TBF, I borrowed that off someone else, but thought it worked so gave it a whirl.
 
Great stuff again Andy.

What about inviting a 'Q&A' session? I'm sure we could all think of a few things we'd like to know and can't think of any better way we'll get real 'if the truth be known' answers that will cut thro the bull **** and inform us all
 
Monday 27th November 2017

I'm reet angry again, to tell yer the truth. In fact, I seem to be angry aboot something every week, these days. Maybe I needs to go to one of those anger management courses they have, like. I knows that fella who hopped over the wall against Colchester had been on them and it didnae do him any harm!

First things first. I donnae wanna hear any more slagging off of me players in public. I made that quite clear after all that booing on Saturday. It undermines their confidence and doesnae help with what we're trying to achieve here. Whatever that is .. and anyway, as I said to Horts last neet, it's my job to do that!

Last Tuesday at MK Dons was a disgrace and I don't mind telling yers. It was the worst performance I've seen for a long time. Yep, the service in TGI Thursdays. It's next door to TGI Fridays in that retail area ootside the ground. I'm telling yer, it were so slow that I thoughts they'd taken on Ferdy as a waiter. Turned oot they had and he was quite shocked when he foond oot what I'd said. Said he thoughts the lads had doon well and put in a good shift. I says yer missed so many clear cut orders that I've a good mind to recommend they sack the lot of yers and employ the youth opportunity kids like that Saloun Ba and Dan Maserati ... As I say, disgraceful!

Talking aboot things that are annoying me. That Nile is really pushing the limits. Keeps turning oop late, so I called him immediately into me office. 2 hours later he arrived, with his mum. I insist on his mum being there, as I cannae understand all that gangsta lingo, so she has to translate. Turns oot, he's having a lot of problems with that M25. The traffic is a nightmare. Especially for Silver. He says it'll all be OK, as he's finally moving doon here, so he'll only be 10 minutes late from now on, as they can cut across all those empty fields at Fossetts Farm!

Now, last week, I calls the players in for contract talks. This is where me key players sit doon and discuss what contract they think Ron should give me, as I'm doing such a greet job. Most of them weren't interested, though, as they're not gonna be signing theirs anytime soon, they told me. Jeez, I donnae know what's got into them. They always have MY full support!

Reet, better be off. Training starts at 9am and I donnae wanna be late, as we're gonna be working on a few things this morning, like defending and attacking!
 
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Monday 27th November 2017

I'm reet angry again, to tell yer the truth. In fact, I seem to be angry aboot something every week, these days. Maybe I needs to go to one of those anger management courses they have, like. I knows that fella who hopped over the wall against Colchester had been on them and it didnae do him any harm!

First things first. I donnae wanna hear any more slagging off of me players in public. I made that quite clear after all that booing on Saturday. It undermines their confidence and doesnae help with what we're trying to achieve here. Whatever that is .. and anyway, as I said to Horts last neet, it's my job to do that!

Last Tuesday at MK Dons was a disgrace and I don't mind telling yers. It was the worst performance I've seen for a long time. Yep, the service in TGI Thursdays. It's next door to TGI Fridays in that retail area ootside the ground. I'm telling yer, it were so slow that I thoughts they'd taken on Ferdy as a waiter. Turned oot they had and he was quite shocked when he foond oot what I'd said. Said he thoughts the lads had doon well and put in a good shift. I says yer missed so many clear cut orders that I've a good mind to recommend they sack the lot of yers and employ the youth opportunity kids like that Saloun Ba and Dan Maserati ... As I say, disgraceful!

Talking aboot things that are annoying me. That Nile is really pushing the limits. Keeps turning oop late, so I called him immediately into me office. 2 hours later he arrived, with his mum. I insist on his mum being there, as I cannae understand all that gangsta lingo, so she has to translate. Turns oot, he's having a lot of problems with that M25. The traffic is a nightmare. Especially for Silver. He says it'll all be OK, as he's finally moving doon here, so he'll only be 10 minutes late from now on, as they can cut across all those empty fields at Fossetts Farm!

Now, last week, I calls the players in for contract talks. This is where me key players sit doon and discuss what contract they think Ron should give me, as I'm doing such a greet job. Most of them weren't interested, though, as they're not gonna be signing theirs anytime soon, they told me. Jeez, I donnae know what's got into them. They always have MY full support!

Reet, better be off. Training starts at 9am and I donnae wanna be late, as we're gonna be working on a few things this morning, like defending and attacking!

Another bit wasted on the youngsters... good work.
 
I also expected to see Tonto mentioned.

not quite as old (only 40 years) but im hoping for some quantum jump references, must be a tie with Tonto here i.e

;He smoke pipe of peace with Tonto'

If we could do the rap when/if ranger scores it would be pretty impressive :)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hchOYs_d_Bw
 
Thursday 30th November 2017

Well, I had a reet day of it yesterday. Stuck behind me desk all day I was. As you know, I'm a tracksuit manager type of fella and I like nothing more than to be oot there on the training ground with the lads. Apart from when I'm working for SKY Sports, Channel 5, Talksh*te and being interviewed for other jobs and having me lunch with Horts in The Roslin.

So, first oop, I have old Jack Bridge's agent in me office. I always have to have a couple of security fellas in there as well, as he's a reet dangerous sort. Banging his fist on the table and demanding first team football for his lad. I says I've done me best. He played in that there Essex Senior Cup match and a Check-a-Trip Trophy tie, but he pins me oop against the wall, like and says if I donnae get him proper football soon, he'll bash me heed in! .. Charming, I thought, so I gets on to me old mate Jimmy Floyd Paterson at Northampton. Now, as yer all knows, Jimmy is American and knows nothing aboot football. Calls it soccer for a start. So I spins him a yarn that Jack would make a good quarter-back and the deal was signed. Piece of p**s!

Next up were Anthony Wordsearch. I'd heard from Coghs that he'd been talking in the papers aboot his contract and wants to feel more valued, so I offered him £10 a week more and some spare shares I have in the club. He says they're not worth the paper they're written on as the club will never get promoted signing all those injury prone lads! .. Anyway, finally Tubby Thompson arrived from Earls Hall Juniors with the new contract. All nicely written oot and coloured in, as well. Wordy took a look through it and was just aboot to sign it when he leaned forward, picked oop the pen and pulled a shoulder muscle! .. FFS, this guy's made of glass and no mistake. Another two months on the treatment table!

Next I get Richie Wellingtons on the phone asking if I minded calling the game off again as his reserve left-back has a slight cold. Jeez, these soft Northerners, eh! .. I tells him to turn oop or I'm claiming the points. We could do with them, that's for sure.

By now, it's mid-afternoon and I still haven't bought me Christmas Cards. I always sends them to all me friends. Mainly club chairmen and TV programme planners. Always put a little something in there for them, as well. Normally me CV and phone number, if truth be told.

Anyway, I digress. Hope we are all looking forward to the games coming oop. Some real belters there .. and Bristol Rovers away! .. See yers all Saturday and remember, we need yer support, yer moaning gits!

:happy:
 
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