Slipperduke
The Camden Cad
It's very rare that you can brutally assess and pass judgement on a football club, as this column did with Tottenham Hotspur two weeks ago, and still be able to come back one match later with plenty of new material. Tottenham, though, are a glorious curiosity for the neutral, but an excuse to binge-drink for their supporters. It is rather gratifying though that, in an age of chronic mismanagement and lunacy, the boys at White Hart Lane just keep pushing the bar higher and higher.
Only Tottenham could sell three of their four strikers in a year and replace them all with one who is apparently so similar to the poor bloke that stayed, that they can't possibly play them at the same time. Only Tottenham could recognise that they were strong on the right wing and weak on the left, and then go out and spend a fortune on another right winger. Only Tottenham could come up with a management structure so flawed that the only reason there aren't rioting crowds outside the stadium is that no-one is quite sure who to blame. Then again, when you make as many bad decisions as chairman Daniel Levy, maybe that policy was simply his survival instincts kicking in.
However, as amusing as this all is to the neutral, it has to stop now. We've all had a laugh, but something really needs to be done otherwise Tottenham are going down and, with their wage bill and in this financial climate, I doubt they'd reach Christmas in the Championship before exploding in a cloud of hastily-scribbled IOU notes.
So, as it seems that Tottenham themselves are out of answers, here's a few hints and tips just in case Levy and Juande Ramos are reading.
1, Daniel, for the love of God, you have to get rid of Damien Comolli. If Martin Jol can be fired for a ropey start with an injury-ravaged squad, than Comolli can go purely for signing Kevin Prince-Boateng. It's nothing personal, but it's clear that the fractured power structure is causing problems and, if you can't sack Ramos, you can certainly sack the bloke who's buying his players.
2, Juande, go back to the 4-4-2 that served you well when you took over. It's no coincidence that Spurs played their best football at the weekend after Gareth Bale had been dismissed and Ramos had been forced to go 4-4-1. It's simple, it's effective and everyone knows what they're doing. In times of crisis, it's best to give footballers as little to think about as possible.
3, Daniel, I can tell without looking that you've got your fingers round the axe-handle. Take a deep breath, count to ten and let your manager get on with his job. He's won two UEFA Cups and he made Sevilla look good in La Liga. You caused enough problems with that axe last year.
4, Juande, enough of this nonsense about not being able to play Roman Pavlyuchenko and Darren Bent in the same team. It's quite clear that you're having a dig at the madness of the transfer policy, but you have to take responsibility now. They're both decent players. Stop giving them excuses by convincing them that they can't do it, and force them to believe that they can.
Right then, that's that sorted. And if that mysterious Singaporean consortium are reading, my fees are very low....
Only Tottenham could sell three of their four strikers in a year and replace them all with one who is apparently so similar to the poor bloke that stayed, that they can't possibly play them at the same time. Only Tottenham could recognise that they were strong on the right wing and weak on the left, and then go out and spend a fortune on another right winger. Only Tottenham could come up with a management structure so flawed that the only reason there aren't rioting crowds outside the stadium is that no-one is quite sure who to blame. Then again, when you make as many bad decisions as chairman Daniel Levy, maybe that policy was simply his survival instincts kicking in.
However, as amusing as this all is to the neutral, it has to stop now. We've all had a laugh, but something really needs to be done otherwise Tottenham are going down and, with their wage bill and in this financial climate, I doubt they'd reach Christmas in the Championship before exploding in a cloud of hastily-scribbled IOU notes.
So, as it seems that Tottenham themselves are out of answers, here's a few hints and tips just in case Levy and Juande Ramos are reading.
1, Daniel, for the love of God, you have to get rid of Damien Comolli. If Martin Jol can be fired for a ropey start with an injury-ravaged squad, than Comolli can go purely for signing Kevin Prince-Boateng. It's nothing personal, but it's clear that the fractured power structure is causing problems and, if you can't sack Ramos, you can certainly sack the bloke who's buying his players.
2, Juande, go back to the 4-4-2 that served you well when you took over. It's no coincidence that Spurs played their best football at the weekend after Gareth Bale had been dismissed and Ramos had been forced to go 4-4-1. It's simple, it's effective and everyone knows what they're doing. In times of crisis, it's best to give footballers as little to think about as possible.
3, Daniel, I can tell without looking that you've got your fingers round the axe-handle. Take a deep breath, count to ten and let your manager get on with his job. He's won two UEFA Cups and he made Sevilla look good in La Liga. You caused enough problems with that axe last year.
4, Juande, enough of this nonsense about not being able to play Roman Pavlyuchenko and Darren Bent in the same team. It's quite clear that you're having a dig at the madness of the transfer policy, but you have to take responsibility now. They're both decent players. Stop giving them excuses by convincing them that they can't do it, and force them to believe that they can.
Right then, that's that sorted. And if that mysterious Singaporean consortium are reading, my fees are very low....
