Your Jokes, Strictly for the Pub only.

[RHB]

There was a king of a tribe in deepest darkest Africa who's only real treasure of any worth was his throne. now the king was always afraid that another tribe would come in and take his throne, so he decided to hide it in his hut. After much thought he opted for wedging the throne in the roof of his royal hut, only during the night there was a very strong wind and the throne fell out of the hut roof and an flattened him dead.

So, the moral of that story?

People in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

 

[Stan33]

There was a king of a tribe in deepest darkest Africa who's only real treasure of any worth was his throne. now the king was always afraid that another tribe would come in and take his throne, so he decided to hide it in his hut. After much thought he opted for wedging the throne in the roof of his royal hut, only during the night there was a very strong wind and the throne fell out of the hut roof and an flattened him dead.

So, the moral of that story?

People in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

I should stick to being what u r good at ,a mod !????

 

[RHB]

I should stick to being what u r good at ,a mod !????

Thanks for that @Stan33 , but that just had to be shared because it's so daft. I'll remember to be silent in future.

 

[Userorange]

Shrimper, upon becoming King of the East Saxons, orders his carpenters to make a throne worthy of his importance. After a few weeks the throne is complete and carried into Shrimpers hut. Space is a bit tight so the king gets the men to haul an old table up to the ceiling. For days a steady stream of folk shuffle past to gaze at Shrimper upon his magnificent throne - then tragically the rope snaps, the table drops and Shrimper is an ex Shrimper.................and the moral of the story is, people who live in grass houses shouldnt stow thrones.

There was a king of a tribe in deepest darkest Africa who's only real treasure of any worth was his throne. now the king was always afraid that another tribe would come in and take his throne, so he decided to hide it in his hut. After much thought he opted for wedging the throne in the roof of his royal hut, only during the night there was a very strong wind and the throne fell out of the hut roof and an flattened him dead.

So, the moral of that story?

People in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

Plagiarism!!!!

 

[RHB]

Plagiarism!!!!

How amazing is that? I've just heard it and my memory definitely doesn't reach back two years, 30 yrs maybe but not two. At least you can spell plagiarism.

 

[graingerroad54]

Plagiarism!!!!

Only just realised I put table instead of throne at the time. RHBs version makes more sense!

 

[RobM]

At least you can spell plagiarism.

He copied it

 

[RobM]

I was in a hat-shaped boat and it started to rock. I thought it might...er...what's the word? "Capsize?" Six and seven eighths!

 

[Benfleetboy]

A Scots guy who was well known for dodging his round at the bar, went into the pub, where Bob was propped up on his usual bar stool doing his daily Times crossword.
Jock exchanged pleasantries after buying his own beer.
Have you finished the crossword asked Jock.
Well as it happens I am stuck on one final clue.

8 Letters, stuck on a desert island.

Quick as a flash Jock exclaimed
“ MAROONED “

To which Bob replied, Thanks Jock I will have
a pint with a whiskey chaser.

?

 

[graingerroad54]

A Scots guy who was well known for dodging his round at the bar, went into the pub, where Bob was propped up on his usual bar stool doing his daily Times crossword.
Jock exchanged pleasantries after buying his own beer.
Have you finished the crossword asked Jock.
Well as it happens I am stuck on one final clue.

8 Letters, stuck on a desert island.

Quick as a flash Jock exclaimed
“ MAROONED “

To which Bob replied, Thanks Jock I will have
a pint with a whiskey chaser.

?

Careful, the snowflakes might cancel you!

 

[Prawn]

The guy who invented the autocorrect died last week.

His funeral is tomato!

 

[Userorange]

Why did the banana go to the doctors? ?

Because it wasn’t peeling well. ?

 

[RobM]

The Russian army are attacking the Ukranian Viagra factory. They are facing stiff resistance.

 

[Cricko]

Was taking the dog for a walk the other day when the mrs starts tutting and taking her shoe off " whats up with you? " I said " i've got a stone in my shoe " she snarled. I said " you've got 20 stone in the other ****er and thats not bothering you..... keep walking "

 

[The Big Dady]

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[RHB]

 

[Cricko]

 

[RHB]

Not a clue why this oldie popped into my mind, but it's always been one of my favourites even though it's daft.

Max Bygraves had a son named Anthony and Max told of when his son was very young he used to say 'Dad I need a wee' in public. So Max told him not to say that, but to say 'I need to whisper'. One night when all were in bed Anthony came into their room and said to his Dad, 'Dad I need to whisper'. Because Max had just woken up, he said 'Alright son, whisper in my ear so as not to wake your mum'.

 

[Userorange]

What does an octopus wear to keep warm in winter?

A coat of arms.

 

[WightShrimper]

Not a clue why this oldie popped into my mind, but it's always been one of my favourites even though it's daft.

Max Bygraves had a son named Anthony and Max told of when his son was very young he used to say 'Dad I need a wee' in public. So Max told him not to say that, but to say 'I need to whisper'. One night when all were in bed Anthony came into their room and said to his Dad, 'Dad I need to whisper'. Because Max had just woken up, he said 'Alright son, whisper in my ear so as not to wake your mum'.

To which he then used to add 'good job he didn't shout!'