Slipperduke's Slippery Column

[Slipperduke]

EPL? English version of the SPL?

Come on, Naps, get with the globalisation! The Americans showed Scudamore that you can't do anything without snappy initials, hence the demise of the 'premiership' moniker a little while back. EPL! EPL! EPL!

I know, I know....if it's any consolation, I feel a little bit dirtier every time I type it.

 

[Harold Bishop Killer]

When I first came to Oz all Fox sports was shouting about was the EPL!! EPL this......EPL that. I was like what the bloody hell is the EPL? Finally found out. But i guess its no different to us calling the Scottish Premier League the SPL?

Another great couple of articles there! Always a fantastic read.

 

[Slipperduke]

England v United States

And so the recovery continues. Fabio Capello's patient, paternal treatment of the blundering failures who shamed the nation last year is, little by little, beginning to pay off. He hasn't asked them to play in strange formations, he hasn't made sweeping changes, he hasn't even announced a permanent captain. It's his demand for composure on the ball that seems to be making the difference. Baby-step by baby-step, performances are slowly approaching a level of competence that might just be enough to secure qualification for the 2010 World Cup. The United States have qualified for the last five and are not the minnows they once were. For England to beat them so comfortably, even in a friendly international, is encouragement enough for a broken-hearted nation. The Three Lions are on the mend.

It was somehow fitting that it was John Terry who opened the scoring. He recovers so quickly from physical injuries that it's no surprise to see him bouncing back from mental trauma at full speed as well. This was his first game as Capello's captain and it brought the same reward as his first for McClaren; a well-taken headed goal. The Chelsea skipper moved smartly across the penalty area, no slips this time, and pounced on David Beckham's laser-guided set-piece. At the other end of the pitch, alongside the always-excellent Rio Ferdinand, he held the Americans at bay without breaking sweat.

End of season friendlies are not known for raising the blood pressure and sadly this was no exception. The Americans seemed to have arrived with the intention of stopping England from playing, but they did it to the detriment of their own game. David James will not have had many simpler nights than this. With Spain and Argentina still to come in the next ten days, this was probably the easiest of Bob Bradley's summer friendlies, so his team's inability to create sustained pressure will be a major concern for him. Eddie Johnson's squandered chance after the break was their only serious effort on goal and by the end they were chasing England's shadows as their hosts played keep-ball.

After toying with a lone striker against Switzerland and France, Capello opted for a simple 4-4-2 here with Wayne Rooney and Jermaine Defoe in tandem up front. Defoe had more than enough chances to prove to Capello that he was worthy of a starting place, but his inability to make them count will cost him dearly. Meanwhile, Steven Gerrard floundered on the left-wing and, while Rooney was typically industrious, it all seemed a bit stale and lifeless. The introduction of Gareth Barry as a deep-lying partner to the superb Owen Hargreaves allowed Gerrard the freedom to roam in the second half and it paid immediate dividends when Gareth Barry poked an inviting ball through for him to slot into the bottom corner. With speculation linking Barry with a move to Anfield, Liverpool fans will have taken note at the obvious chemistry.

Straight-forward victories in games so dull that they are forgotten as soon as the television powers down are no barometers of future success. However, there were signs here of growing confidence and professionalism. A willingness to play a short pass instead of a long punt. A desire to keep possession. Johan Cruyff once said that he loved playing English teams because if you lost the ball, they would soon give it back to you. Capello has quickly sought to address this nasty habit and his hopes of success depend upon, not a of personnel, but a change of mentality. With all of that in mind, this was still not a result to celebrate. For England fans though, it was reason to smile.

 

[OldBlueLady]

And proves we're right about the necessity of still keeping Beckham involved eh Slip? Didn't see much of it, but what I did see looked much more encouraging.

 

[sufcintheprem]

Owen Hargreaves would be the ideal captain, if only he was actually English.

Hargreaves is composed, industrious and has an excellent attitude. Additionally, his performance against Portugal when all others had given up hope was outstanding and almost enough to win the tie. However, I don't think making him captain would get any more out of him in the way, for example, it turned a good international right midfielder in to a match-dominating presence with Beckham.

My choice would still be Ferdinand. The hype surrounding Terry is embarassing - he's a good player and scored an exceptionally good header last night but he seems the kind of player who is brave because he tells everyone he is and over time everyone including him believe it. Ferdinand, assuming Ashley Cole's improvement in the last 2 months doesn't continue at the same rate for the next 6, is England's best defender and has composure in abundunce.

Making Ferdinand captain should help us finally move on from frantic attacking football to a time where we can control the tempo of a game allowing us to utilise our rapid attacking ability rather than be beaten with it.

 

[Slipperduke]

That's a good point about Ashley Cole, he was shocking six months ago but he seems to have turned it around now.

If only Rio hadn't organised that party. I just can't accept that the best choice for the armband is a man who thought that refusing to allow player's wives to go to their Christmas party and getting his lackeys to trawl the streets of Manchester for hundreds of gormless fitties, was a good idea. How could that not end in disaster?! I think you're right, we do need to control the tempo of games and Ferdinand is in his best form since 2002, but he's just so ****ing stupid.

That said, discounting Becks*, who else is there? No-one.


* - While me and OBL are in agreement about his skills, I think we may also be in agreement that he is getting slower and slower with every game, bless him.

 

[Slipperduke]

Euro 2008 part 2

Even without England's involvement and, in fact, maybe even because of their absence, the European Championships are a mouth-watering prospect. Three weeks of Cristiano Ronaldo, Fernando Torres, Klass-Jan Huntelaaar and Franck Ribery at the top of their professional game, battling for supremacy. Every tournament however, brings a new name to the fore. A budding talent ready to flower in front of the world. This year, I think it's going to be Luka Modric.

Croatia are an interesting side and, like Germany, they can be sure of avoiding Italy, France, Holland and Spain all the way to the Final, so they've got a good chance to impress. They beat England home and away in their qualifying campaign and showed at Wembley that they have no concerns about ruffling the feathers of the supposed European elite. Without the stricken Eduardo, they lack a goalscoring figurehead, but in Modric, they have magic in their midfield. Slaven Bilic's side are solid enough across the rest of the pitch and, if their young creator is given a chance to express himself, you can expect some fireworks.

I'm still shaking my head in bewilderment that Tottenham managed to sign him. Chelsea and Arsenal were favourites, but it's possible that the Croat's representatives thought guaranteed first team football would be better than waiting for a chance behind Cesc Fabregas, or trying to usurp Frank Lampard, Michael Ballack and Michael Essien at Stamford Bridge. Mind you, the revelation that Darren Bent is one of the 20 highest paid footballers on the planet can't have hurt Modric's negotiations either. Payslip parity may be a more logical explanation for his decision to slum it in North London.

The White Hart Lane faithful are in for a treat next season, but before that, we'll all get to see him for ourselves in Vienna on June 8 when Croatia take on the tournament whipping boys, Austria. The home fans in Vienna actually campaigned for their own disqualification last year on the grounds that they were so bad that they would humiliate the nation. They even managed to lose at home to Steve McClaren's England, so they must be pretty awful. If Modric manages to find a little room in their midfield and starts to flash passes around, poor Austria could be in for a pounding.

Modric has been described by some as the new Johann Cruyff, which is high praise indeed, if a little premature. He certainly brings a number of Cruyff's attributes to the table. He can bring the ball under control on the move, he can release passes of superhuman precision with just a deft poke and when he gets the ball at his feet and runs, he can be impossible to stop. There are very few players in the world as comfortable on the ball as him, but if he wants to live up to these enormous expectations and comparisons, he has to prove himself this summer. Doubts remain over his slight build and sparrow-like physique, but being tiny never hurt Gianfranco Zola, another player that this little Croat resembles.

Modric wouldn't be the first player to have his head turned by enormous piles of money and he wouldn't be the first to crumple under the glare of the watching world, but I've always had a feeling about this boy. He's so good that, years from now, we could be talking about Euro 2008 as 'Modric's Tournament'.

 

[EastStandBlue]

Think you're being a tad harsh on Rio there Slip...

He's led United admirably this season, been the defensive rock thats got the club both the Premiership title and the Champions League trophy and, with Vidic, formed certainly one of the best defensive partnerships i've ever seen.

The past 3 years have gone by with not much controversy surrounding Ferdinand at all, he's been given this tag by the press as this Party Boy which was substantiated at the time, but he's settled down now and I can't remember the last scandal he's been at the heart of.

Ferdinand said it wasn't him solely responsible for the Christmas "Rape Party" and, I think for the first time, I actually believe him... Him settling down with his wife and having Children seems to have grounded him.

I'd certainly rather he get the armband over the Spitting, Apathetic, Nasty piece of work Terry any day. Then again, I'd rather Beckham get it over the pair of them... But I doubt he'd take it after McClaren treated him so poorly.

 

[Slipperduke]

Even being partly responsible for such an absolute shambles should be damnation enough. Rape allegations aside, if he wasn't smart enough to figure out that scooping up the region's pert-breasted morons for souless fingering from his knuckle-dragging team-mates was a truly awful idea then I'm not sure I want him leading the line. He might do something equally daft like forgetting to breathe or publicly messing his pants. It's a minefield, ESB, an absolute diplomatic minefield.

 

[SUFC_Al]

Mind you, the revelation that Darren Bent is one of the 20 highest paid footballers on the planet can't have hurt Modric's negotiations either. Payslip parity may be a more logical explanation for his decision to slum it in North London.

:O

If proof was ever needed just how crazy top-flight football has got in this country, that sentence says it all.

 

[BrettieAngell]

:O

If proof was ever needed just how crazy top-flight football has got in this country, that sentence says it all.

Unbelievable, let's all laugh at Tottenham!!!

 

[Shrimper2thecore]

I'd certainly rather he get the armband over the Spitting, Apathetic, Nasty piece of work Terry any day. Then again, I'd rather Beckham get it over the pair of them... But I doubt he'd take it after McClaren treated him so poorly.

I am sure he would love it back

 

[Kenny]

Regarding Croatia, they were going to be my adopted team for the Euros but I fear the loss of Eduardo is going to really hurt them up top.

 

[Yorkshire Blue]

Regarding Croatia, they were going to be my adopted team for the Euros but I fear the loss of Eduardo is going to really hurt them up top.

I'll be supporting whoever are playing Croatia.

I hate Croatia with a passion.

They are the most cynical, biggest cheats in world soccer.

From the cheating hamster Slaven Bilic getting Laurent Blanc suspended from the World Cup final to Igor Stimac racially abusing Dave Regis, their players have been the biggest ****s in world football since Croatia became independent.

Their games are completely unwatchable due to their constant diving and incessant shirt-pulling. To make matters worse, they have had a stream of over-rated players, from the completely one-footed Davor Suker to Alen Boksic, at one time the highest paid player in England (with Middlesborough), to AC Milan reserve Boban to that little **** Prosinecki and Aston Villa's £6m Bosko Balaban (worked out at about £3m a game).

The best thing I can say about Croatian football is that Sinisa Mihajlovic, the most odious man in world football, actually played for Serbia and Montenegro rather than Croatia. However, I think he had a Croatian mother/father, it would certainly fit.

Finally they have a **** Orient-esque kit. God I hope they get humiliated in every game.

 

[Slipperduke]

Sepp Blatter

You can say what you like about Sepp Blatter, and most people do, but he certainly doesn't lack the courage of his convictions. His proposal that football clubs should limit themselves to just five foreign players by 2012 is going to upset some very powerful people. Not that Blatter cares, of course. The tubby Brazilian has always seen himself as something of a crusading force, but on this occasion, he has taken on a foe more powerful than his usual rivals. He's gone up against the Free Market itself.

It's rather flattering to see that all of this bluster appears to be England's fault. Blatter was dismayed to see three English teams in the Champions League semi-finals and claims that it is indicative of the imbalances in world football. It's odd that he didn't feel the same way when Spanish clubs achieved the same feat in 2000. Ah, but that's different. As we've seen with their attitude to international hooliganism, Football governing bodies tend to base their actions on the guiding principle that it doesn't matter unless there's a chance to punish the English.

But let's get back to Blatter's big idea. It has been suggested that the proliferation of foreigners in the EPL has led to the demise of the English national team. This, I'm saddened to report, is absolute rubbish. Steve McClaren's ineptitude and a motley collection of surly, barely interested multi-millionaires led to the demise of the English national team. England didn't miss out on Euro 2008 because Roque Santa Cruz has been keeping Matt Derbyshire out of the Blackburn side. They missed out because Frank Lampard, Steven Gerrard, Wayne Rooney and all the rest of the so-called golden generation were too bone-idle or stupid to figure out that you can't win games just by showing the opposition your paycheque.

What will Blatter's ideas actually achieve? They will water down the quality of the leagues for starters. Managers will no longer be able to pick players on merit, they'll have to check passports first. The EPL will clog up with fairly average English players because sending your Togolese hopefuls home will not automatically result in the discovery of a new Rooney. Will everyone in the world keep watching as Darius Henderson and James Coppinger do battle? Will the TV revenue ebb away? It's a slippery slope.

I'd give the idea more consideration if I could see any possible benefits, but there don't seem to be any. Yes, there are a lot of foreign players in the Premier League, but there are still approximately 50 decent English players available to Fabio Capello. How many does he need? The signing of Thomas Radzinski didn't stop the development of Rooney. Karel Poborsky didn't block the progress of David Beckham. If the English players are good enough, and they are, they'll come through regardless. It's meritocracy, the survival of fittest.

The genuine source of the imbalance is the Champions League, but no-one in power is going to mention that, because FIFA keep trying to invent their own global version and it makes everyone at UEFA such a phenomenonal amount of money. It is no coincidence that the EPL has four Champions League spots and is cursed with an almost unassailable 'big four'. It is no surprise that Lyon have just won their seventh French title on the bounce. Look across the European leagues and they are all dominated by Champions League regulars. If Blatter wants to redress the balance, he could start by looking at that and not by launching a destructive and doomed attempt to bring the Free Market to its knees.

 

[Slipperduke]

Cristiano Ronaldo

Cristiano Ronaldo must be the luckiest man in football. Had it not been for that slippery patch next to the penalty spot, or for Nicolas Anelka's almost total absence of professionalism, his spot-kick miss at the Luzhniki Stadium would have cost Manchester United the European Cup. In this parallel dimension John Terry's tears would not have been spilt, Roman Abramovich would have realised his dream and the world would have watched in bemusement as Peter Kenyon danced in the Moscow rain with the trophy above his head. After 'that miss' against Barcelona, cynical columnists would be lining up to accuse Ronaldo of lacking a big-game temperament and of cracking under pressure. Oh, it could all have been so very different.

You would think then that, having survived such a fortunate turn of events, the mercurial frontman would have thanked his lucky stars, put his head down and got on with his Euro 2008 preparations without drawing any attention to himself. Ah, but no. With a shiny Champions League medal stuffed into his back pocket, he has now apparently turned his attentions towards the Bernabeu, flashing a bit of sun-tanned thigh at Ramon Calderon and winking suggestively at Bernd Schuster.

I say 'apparently' because we never really know the full details of these sagas, but two things are very clear. Firstly, we know that something is wrong because Manchester United are so angry that you can the steam pouring out of the boardroom. Carlos Quieroz has launched a extraordinary attack on Real Madrid accusing them of unsettling his player and then, quite magnificently, of stealing Christopher Columbus as well. I had no idea that he was on their books. Secondly, and most upsettingly for United fans, we know that Ronaldo could end this speculation whenever he wanted by just coming out and professing loyalty to the club that made him, but he won't. In fact, he seems to be relishing all the attention. The fear is that, like so many wantaway players before him, he will now tell Sir Alex Ferguson that he doesn't want to play for United any more, forcing him into a summer sale.

For the life of me, I can't understand why Ronaldo wants to go to Real Madrid anyway. It can't be the money, can it? When you're earning more than SG$300,000 a week, cashflow can't be that much of an issue anymore. It can't be the size of the club either. Madrid are huge, but United are the reigning European Champions and the best suppported team on the planet. He certainly can't be desperate to link up with their players because one of them is his old nemesis Ruud van Nistelrooy, the man who reportedly told him to, "run away and cry to your Dad," just months after Ronaldo Senior passed away.

The American owners of Manchester United, the much-maligned Glazers, haven't got many admirers, but they'll have one here if they go through with their hilarious threat of sitting their sulking prize asset in the stands for the next three years. How would that work exactly? If Ronaldo did refuse to play for United, I can't imagine that he'd be too popular with his team-mates, or indeed with the Old Trafford faithful, so that rather limits the amount of seats he could park his bottom in. He could sit with the away fans, of course, apologising for his four seasons of diving, but he might not survive until full-time.

Perhaps we've all underestimated Malcolm Glazer. Maybe he's got something up his sleeve. I mean, he hasn't actually specified whose stands he'll sit him in, has he? Ronaldo might be the luckiest man in football, but right now he's behaving like the most spoiled as well. If I was Glazer, I'd buy him a season ticket at The Reebok Stadium and condemn him to three years of Bolton Wanderers. That'll teach him.

 

[Irish_Shrimper]

Haha very good Slip. Fully agree, getting very tired of hearing his name on the football websites. You could argue that he has now won everything at Utd and wants a fresh challenge - but I do think he should show a bit of loyalty to Fergie and stay a bit longer in Manchester.

 

[!famous!SUFC!!!!]

a few more great reads their slipperduke!!

one point tho im sure sepp blatter is swiss? i do however feel obliged to trust you from reading your articles....he could be of brazilian origin.

 

[Slipperduke]

a few more great reads their slipperduke!!

one point tho im sure sepp blatter is swiss? i do however feel obliged to trust you from reading your articles....he could be of brazilian origin.

Good eyes that man! He is Swiss, yes. I was really hungover when I wrote that and I got him confused with his predecessor Joe Havelange! Thankfully I noticed just in time!

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

You can say what you like about Sepp Blatter, and most people do

Indeed they do! Some people even accuse him of being Brazilian!

Not that Blatter cares, of course. The tubby Brazilian has always seen himself as something of a crusading force...

You see - there you go!

:thump:

(Slip - unless I'm gravely mistaken, Blatter is Swiss)