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Ailments / illnesses and embaressing/painful injuries


Life President
Jan 21, 2007
Now i have had some ailments over the 33 years since my creation but my most recent has proved painful embaressing and is taking time to get over. So i wanted to know yours.

I'll go back to mine.

Bout 3 weeks ago i started getting a pain in my arse after going for a bike ride . I just put it down to the fact that i hadnt been out on bike for some time and sadle soreness.

As the days wore on i started to realise something more sinister was at hand . My arse cheek was starting to swell at an alarming rate and having got to the point were sittin down/driving was beginning to become a non event and with the mrs telling me things were not looking kocher downstairs i decided to go and see the docs.

Now im not one to go to the docs at the best of times, but my doctor is very old school and he always says it how it is.

So not best pleased that i have this pain in the arse and having to show it to some middle aged man i was slightly dismayed to hear on arrival that not only is my doctor not there , but some young attractive german female is filling in.

She takes one look at my arse and recommends that i go to the hospital , but perscribes me anti biotics.

Now im more adverse to going to hospital than i am going to the doctors so with perscription in hand i decide to give them a whirl first.

The mrs understandably urges me to go to the hospital. No dice.

At 2am i wake up to what can only be described as someone sticking a stanley blade in my arse cheek i decide enough is enough and ask the mrs to drive me to the hospital. Obviously she is delighted that i decided to go at 2 am rather than when she offered the previous evening.

So i find myself in casualty loaded up on a drip 5 people already having looked at my arse .

I get moved to a ward 6am and get told i will be operated on by midday. 10pm that night im still sitting wating and having had no food or drink since 5pm the day before im getting irritable.

I go to sleep being fathfully told that i will be in theatre by 2am.

I wake at 4 a.m and realise i need a slash. Now the toilet in my ward is out of use so off i go in my gown drip attached right down the far end of the corridor. Now there i am having a slash when this smell i can only describe as **** wafts through the air and then i feel it running down my leg. My abcess has finally decided to burst . Im not exaggerating when i say there must have been a pint atleast.

I get carted back to the bed and 3 nurses clean me up (including plums) and then proceed to lance the rest out whilst yanking on my arse cheeks.

Finally get to theatre next day at 3pm and get sent home for the district nurse to deal with.

I have now had some 7-8 odd district nurses come out to pack the wound the latest of which put a probe into the abyss which is now in my arse and proclaimed " ive lost the stick" Obviously she managed to retrieve it , but thats a full 10 cm.

I can honestly say this hasnt been the best few weeks of my life but i now do feel comfortable showing my arse and jacobs to random strangers.

What are your embaressing moments?
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