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Joined
Nov 4, 2003
Messages
15,087
Location
Rayleigh
Why does this happen!?


On a train this morning coming into Richmond, a young fella walks down the aisle, laptop bag on his left shoulder, clutching both a coffee (in a cardboard cup) and a reading book in his right hand.

He catches another bloke, in front of me to the left, with his laptop bag, apologising as he does so. Then he sits down in the middle of a three-seater with me on his left and some old fella on the right. Half landing on me as he sits down, he again apologises, but his predicament is obvious so everyone just cuts him a little slack.

Then, about five minutes later when everything's settled down, suddenly, and without any warning, the old dude's day takes a turn for the worse.

For no apparent reason, and as quick as a flash, the lid shoots off of Coffee-guy's cup, bringing his fingers together in a snap, thereby crushing the cup and rapidly expelling the contents into the air.

As the coffee comes down again, it lands mostly on the old fella on the right, completely ruining his head-to-toe beige ensemble. It's on his sports coat. It's on his trousers. There's even a bit dripping from his nose. The leather case on his lap is now distinctly moist.

Feeling for the chap, I give him the pack of tissues in my pocket, exchange a "lucky escape there" smile with the girl opposite who smiles back, and then sit back again happy to have helped, and ready to embark on more smiling with the girl opposite.

And then the chuckles start to come... starting with the slight turning up of the mouth, then a bit more of a grin, and a slight reddening of the cheeks. I'm desperate to release a chortle. The more I feel the desperation of the guy in the middle who is still shaking his head and apologising minutes after the accident, the more I want to unleash my suppressed sniggering.

Now convinced that everyone on the train was watching me desperately trying to restrain my giggles, I saw my lucky escape, and with the train still showing no signs of slowing down for a stop, I made my way for the exit.

Having seemingly escape, the old guy then moved to get off at the same stop, and when he got up to join me at the doors nearly five minutes later, I had to fight the urges a second time.


I'm curious though - Why does it happen? I really felt for the old dude!
 
Last edited:

duncan bulgaria

Fuzzy Wuzzy Was a Woman
Joined
Jan 19, 2007
Messages
2,851
Bit harsh i know but once when queueing to get on the dodgems at Butlins , some lad got hit quite hard by the car behind ( these were in the days when your sole intention of going on them was to knock the granny out of someone) not like today when your not even aloud to make contact in this PC country........boring !!

Anyway all i've seen is this lads syrup come flying off his head and hit the deck , now in all this confusion some unsuspecting couple run over his syrup and it gets caught underneath the car
know if that aint funny then i don't know what is , but the bad part about this was that after turning around it was clear to see that this fella was not amused and was close to tears.

Know at this point it was clear to everyone this was no laughing matter and the place went silent , i had held myself together so did everyone else .at this point until one of the attendents fished the rather sorry looking hair piece from under the car and proceeded to place it back on the geezers head , well that was it for me i got the worst case of giggles ever and just couldn't stop, my mum and dad did the same and the bloke nearly fukking chined my old man , before storming off out of sight .

Still makes me laugh to this day
 

Mad Cyril

Proud sponsor of Mark Molesley's white trainers⭐
Joined
Oct 29, 2003
Messages
19,557
Location
Flavour country
On Christmas Eve 1985 I was walking down an extremely crowded Southend high street with a mate and in front of us where a couple in their mid 20s having an argument.

The bloke didn't have his eye on the road and walked straight through a huge puddle of vomit left behind by a reveller the previous night. The poor chap slipped over and got covered in sick. Unfortunately for him it took two or three attempts to get up again because every time he tried hi slipped back over again.

There must have been two hundred people that saw the incident and it was only the old folk that were not laughing.
 

Firestorm

Pedant
Joined
Oct 25, 2003
Messages
15,244
Location
Immersed in the accounts
I recall one Xmas eve many years ago sitting on a packed train (the old dog boxes on the Liverpool street line 6 seats accross the train with a door at each end) it was standing room only and that was packed too.
The train left Stratford with 12 sitting and 6 standing on this very busy carriage, a bloke standing in the middle of the carriage looked decidely queasy and tried to make his way towards the window , with people standing in the way, unable to move it would have been difficult sober, but it was xmas eve in the city, so no hope he managed to get to the door but before he could open the window his stomach let go, unfortunately he mas not facing the door completely and proceeded to fill a young womans beige skirt with vomit.
The carraige was stunned into silence and we then pulled into a station, the bloke lept off the train and disapeared into the crowd, leaving a very distressed and tearfull vomit smothered woman and several passengers trying to comfort her without actually touching sick. A number of us on the train were equally well oiled and the spontaneous display of projectile chundering had done noting for our stomachs either.
I managed to avoid laughing at the time but once I had got off the train ....
 

OldBlueLady

Junior Blues Coordinator⭐
Joined
Dec 27, 2007
Messages
48,924
Location
Benfleet
Firestorm - that's really gross! Nothing funny in that at ALL! Imagine that poor how that poor woman felt, the culprit probably forgot every instant of it but I'm sure it lives with her to this day! Yuk!
 

MrB

Life President
Joined
Oct 27, 2003
Messages
17,501
Location
Desk
I struggled to contain myself when I was standing at the urinal in Varsity, geezer comes running in, trips on the step and falls arm first into the urinal which unfortunately was backing up a fair amount at the time.

Worst thing was I saw him about an hour later still in the pub and still wearing the same shirt. I have my doubts that he pulled that night.
 

Mad Cyril

Proud sponsor of Mark Molesley's white trainers⭐
Joined
Oct 29, 2003
Messages
19,557
Location
Flavour country
I remember being in the loos at Roller City when a novice skater started to urinate and then proceeded to fall over.

Unfortunately he couldn't stop the flow as he was staggering across the room trying to keep his balance and a jet of urine was flying all over the place with male skaters screaming and trying to get out of the way.
 

londonblue

Topgun Pilot
Joined
Feb 18, 2004
Messages
17,112
Before I tell you this story I need to give you a bit of background. I have a very good friend who is one of 5 brothers. He's the 4th in line. The eldest is called Bradley and he is gay, which didn't go down very well with the parents because they were rather conservative. The third brother is called Damon and was married to a girl from some other country, and she was called Butt.

Anyway, about 13-14 years ago, unfortunately their father died. It was one of those really bad ones because it was so unexpected. He just collapsed at work one day, and never recovered. I was living with my friend at the time, and he was absolutely distraught.

There were getting on for a 1000 people at the cemetery because this guy was so well known, and liked. Just as they were putting the coffin in the ground one of my friends looks at Bradley with his boyfriend, and then at Damon with his wife and pipes up with, "at least Bradley isn't the only Butt ****er in the family."

So, you can now picture a scene. There were about 1000 people all wailing in their misery, and me and a handful of friends giggling in the background. The more we tried to stop the worse it got.

We only plucked up the courage to tell our friend about this a couple of years ago. He actually found it very funny, but would have killed us at the time.
 

Firestorm

Pedant
Joined
Oct 25, 2003
Messages
15,244
Location
Immersed in the accounts
I think if you asked Mrs FS for an example of this sort of thing, I would be the butt of the gag.
I will tell the tale as Al would.. We were in wickes on summers day and as I was building a pond in the garden we were after a pickaxe. Apparently I was trying to look like I knew what I was doing amongst the rufty tufty builder types when I sawthis pickaxe (handle pointing upwards, business end on the floor) and said this looks okI then proceeded to pick it up by the handle , it promptly swung on its axis ant the chisel type end hit my shin (it was summer and I was in shorts !) I bit my lip and muttered , this will do and when straight to the till, with my Mrs nearly crying with laughter at her Husband desperately try not to yell or limp, whilst carrying a pick axe with blood running out of a cut on his shin.....

It got worse, whilst using said pickaxe on the pond some days later I raised in the usual manner only for my arm to give way and duly pickaxe my head too. She also found that amusing
 

Hazey

Director
Joined
Jan 19, 2007
Messages
3,109
Location
Northampton
Theres this guy round where I live who is in his 20's. Unfortunately he (Alledgedly) has a disorder**** which means he acts like a child, he basically is a 8-12 year old in an adults body. Anyway one day we see him outside the local shop on the smallest bike you will ever see, a stupid had on backwards, shorts actually meant for 12 year olds and a stupid kiddy top. I know it's wrong because he has a disorder of some sort but the image of him sitting there on his little bike ready to play was very amusing.







**** Either that or he is an old perv.
 

davewebbsbrain

Webby⭐
Joined
Aug 17, 2005
Messages
22,999
Location
Eastwood
I was on a Corporate boat trip down the Thames Friday night. The beer was flowing, the boat was rocking from all the people on the dancefloor. This huge girl then slips over in the middle of the dancefloor, looked very much like she slipped on a spilt drink. She ends up in a crumpled heap on the floor, probably drunk, looking very sorry for herself..

A couple of people tried to help her up, but they just couldn't lift her. Cue eyes around the dancefloor and the sheer pain of most people trying their damndest not to laugh, but after some pretty young thing caught my eye and grinned, I could do nothing but laugh!!!

Found out on Monday at work that they had to call an ambulance at the end of the night when we had all gone..the poor girl was whisked to hospital where it turns out she had torn ligaments in her leg and is now on crutches!!

But you have to laugh, don't you, it's natural instinct, or Youve Been Framed wouldn't be on TV anymore!!
 

Blueshrimper

Manager
Joined
Jan 20, 2007
Messages
1,546
I was in a shop today and saw a kid hitting a shop assistant with a broom. I nearly ****ed myself laughing.
 

Xàbia Shrimper

Co-founder of ShrimperZone
Joined
Oct 24, 2003
Messages
13,804
Location
Xàbia, España
A couple of weeks ago, a young lad was rather the worse for wear in the bar and we decided that he'd had enough and would need to leave for a bit of fresh air. One of our girls handed over the bill which he then dropped onto the floor after two minutes of close-eye scrutiny. Very wobbly, he bends down to pick it up (several seconds of grabbing at tile before actually touching the bill) and as he returns to a standing position, smashes his nut on the edge of the bar. Down he goes again with a slow whimpering sound that only a ****ed person can utter. Up he comes, smashes his nut AGAIN against the bar and down he goes for a third time. By this time, I was struggling to contain my laughter, my colleague has had to leave the bar and I could hear him laughing hysterically in the kitchen whilst the customers were going strange shades of red as they too tried to stifle laughter. The lad rises like a phoenix, a red welt growing on the top of his forehead, hands over the money (telling us to keep the change, very generous!) and stumbles towards the exit - where he proceeds to smash his nut for a third time as he attempted to leave the bar via a closed glass patio door. Down he goes again, uttering the now immortal words "the world is against me today", at which the whole bar breaks into loud laughter and spontaneous applause.
 

toellandback

Andy Cap
Joined
Apr 18, 2008
Messages
2,100
Location
Up north
Please don't take this story the wrong way.

I was about to leave to go on holiday and was driving through Bury town centre and stopped at a crossing to let an attractive woman cross. My eyes were following said woman and i didn't see the woman behind her she was caring for. This woman had some kind of problem which is clearly not funny, however she was holding onto a stuffed monkey toy and ******* her thumb. The friend i was in the car with has a tendency to laugh at anything no matter how inappropriate and this caused me to snigger expecting him to start bellowing with laughter. He was clearly having the same thoughts and we both sat in the car biting our lips and avoiding eye contact with each other. I thought i had escaped and then i swear the woman with her monkey hanging on for dear life winked at me halfway across the road. I roared off down the road with tears in my eyes. I admit it i'm a bad person.
 
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