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Slipperduke

The Camden Cad
Joined
Aug 24, 2004
Messages
4,333
Location
North London
There is little in this world as infuriating as the sight of a young man, guilty of vicious assault, walking away from a courtroom with just a suspended sentence. There is anger at the clemency, fury at the perception that justice has failed. In the case of Joey Barton, however, there is just an overwhelming and profound sadness.

Britain, if you've been reading your foreign pages, is wrestling rather pathetically with the scourge of street-crime. Scores of teenagers have been slain on the streets in recent weeks, thousands more have been beaten senseless, more often than not by hair-triggered, Neanderthal scum like Barton. Far be it for a football hack to attempt to pontificate on social trends, but the one theme that resonates in all of these crimes is a lack of respect. A lack of respect to the victim and to society. There is no fear of authority in Britain and, when you hear that Barton should be a free man in time for pre-season training, it's no surprise at all.

Laughably, his suspended sentence was handed down at a time when he was already serving time for battering a man like a piece of raw meat in Liverpool City Centre. Barton who, in keeping with the strict fitness regimes you would expect of a millionaire athlete, had drunk ten pints and five bottles of lager at the time of the attack, continued to rain blows on his victim even while he was on the floor. It's a genre of fighting that he had experimented with seven months earlier when he continued to pulverise Ousmane Dabo, even as he lost consciousness, leaving him looking like 'the elephant man'. But then this is a man who has already courted controversy for high jinks like fighting a 16 year old in an airport and stubbing a cigar out on a youth team player's eyeball, so what should we expect?

Newcastle know that they cannot sack Barton because it would be pointless. Like him or loathe him, he is an expensive asset that would just be snapped up within hours by a rival. Even now, clubs like Bolton Wanderers are sniffing around in the hope that they can take advantage of the situation. However, the PFA have urged him to 'banish his demons' and the FA would never summon up the courage to take action on something like this, so the debate is effectively over. Barton is free to return to his SG$195,000 a week contract. Of course, there is an argument that he may learn a lesson from all of this, but there is nothing in his history to suggest it.

"Being an idol brings with it responsibilities," Judge Mushtaq Khokhar told him, without a shred of irony. Being a judge brings with it responsibilities as well and, with this decision, Khokhar has completely neglected them. In a country ravaged by pointless and violent crime, he had a chance to make an example of a high profile criminal, to drive a message home that smashing people in the face with your fists until they stop twitching is 'a bad thing'. This suspended sentence increases the false perception that, short of killing someone, you can get away with anything in Britain.

Barton isn't to blame for the knife culture or the murders, or even the violence that consumes the streets, apart from the small percentage that he himself provides. He can only answer for his own crimes. But, sad as it may be to see a man torch his own career, and horrific as it is to read the pain of his victims, as Barton walks free this month an increasingly feral nation will take note that, once again, justice has failed. That's the saddest thing of all.
 
Hair-triggered?

I'm not familiar with this term, but I'm picturing a spate (or should that be pate?) of hair-related violence.

Anyway, a good article to put in your portfolio for when the Daily Mail come calling.
 
Hair-triggered?

I'm not familiar with this term, but I'm picturing a spate (or should that be pate?) of hair-related violence.

Anyway, a good article to put in your portfolio for when the Daily Mail come calling.

http://www.yourdictionary.com/hair-trigger

Isn't it just? Righteous indigantion, the unheard voice of the silent moral majority. I think I just came one step closer to becoming Jon Gaunt.

*showers*
 
http://www.yourdictionary.com/hair-trigger

Isn't it just? Righteous indigantion, the unheard voice of the silent moral majority. I think I just came one step closer to becoming Jon Gaunt.

*showers*

:doh: Of course hair-triggered would be as in hair-trigger.

I'm going to instead claim I now haven't heard of Jon Gaunt (unless that is John of Gaunt).
 
Jon Gaunt, a man so right wing he makes A.Hitler look a world class centre midfielder

Hitler wasn't right-wing, he was a National Socialist.

If he'd played football he'd have been a maverick attacking player popping up all over the place (Austria, Poland, France, Russia), appearing on both wings and so attack orientated that he'd often neglect his defensive duties.
 
Jon Gaunt, a man so right wing he makes A.Hitler look a world class centre midfielder

I think TrueBlue likes him.

Here's his latest opus

WE don’t need an investigation into UFO sightings over Shropshire, we just need to investigate the mental state of those who believe in visitors from outer space.

Mind you, it wouldn’t surprise me if aliens have invaded our green and pleasant land. Let’s face it, every other nationality has — and they only had to hop in the back of a lorry, not a flying saucer.

Imagine if it were true and the police did find them.

Would their first words not be “take me to your leader” but “take me to your handouts”?

ET would definitely have to phone home . . . office and the only question for the coppers would be which language would the map have to be in that they give them to get to Lunatic House in Croydon?

Would they be able to claim and get child benefits for their children all over the universe, even if they couldn’t produce proof that they actually existed? Would millions of our taxes disappear into a benefits black hole?

Would they get their own day to celebrate their culture and what would the atmosphere be like? In this Brave New World of “intergalacticism”, would humans begin to feel strangers on their own planet. And if anyone suggested this open-planet policy was lunacy would they be condemned as “speciesist”?

If they committed crime would we be able to deport them or would that be an infringement of their alien rights?

People like Shami Chakrabarti would be concerned that on return to their planet they might be vaporised and as a result would give them and their families a nice house, police protection and benefits galore.

If anyone was suspected of committing terrorist crimes elsewhere in the universe, or even found guilty in their absence, would we allow them out of prison as long as they promised not to contact, among others, Davros (leader of the Daleks), Ming The Merciless and The Master?

Would we stand idly by and allow the extremists among them to shout repeatedly “Exterminate, Exterminate” on the streets of London? Would all sci-fi comics, films and DVDs have to be destroyed for fear of promoting alien phobia?

Sorry, now I’ve gone too far. That could never happen, could it . . . ?
 
Hitler wasn't right-wing, he was a National Socialist.

If he'd played football he'd have been a maverick attacking player popping up all over the place (Austria, Poland, France, Russia), appearing on both wings and so attack orientated that he'd often neglect his defensive duties.

A kind of political Andreiy Arshavin?
 
I think TrueBlue likes him.

Here's his latest opus

WE don’t need an investigation into UFO sightings over Shropshire, we just need to investigate the mental state of those who believe in visitors from outer space. Yadda Yadda Yadda, Burble, Burble, Burble.

Sorry, now I’ve gone too far. That could never happen, could it . . . ?

That might be one of the most ill-thought out, nonsensical and unintentionally hilarious columns I've ever read. I hope he handed that in while apologising.
 
It's brilliant. Why isn't Private Eye satirising this man?!

:D

Because he's already inadvertantly satirising himself? Kind of takes the fun out of it I guess - some figures are so ridiculous that they are beyond lampooning...
 
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