Slipperduke
The Camden Cad
So farewell, John Terry. Stripped of the captaincy for stripping his mate's girlfriend, and several other people's girlfriends by the sounds of it, we shall not see his like again. It's all so thoroughly grubby and pointless and it's a massive blow for England's chances of summer glory. Terry may not be the most mobile of defenders but, like the colossal Terry Butcher before him, he is an inspirational physical force in the back-line. Uncompromising and uncomplicated, as England captain, no-one else comes close.
Rio Ferdinand is next in line but, with all due respect, is anyone going to be inspired by him anymore? Thanks to his rickety back, he's only featured in six Premier League games all season and he's currently serving a four match ban for smashing Hull's Craig Fagan in the face. Giving him the armband also gives the press an excuse to revisit his mysterious vanishing act when called for a drugs test, not to mention that infamous videotape from his Ayia Napa holiday in 2000 when he and a number of other young footballers were filmed in flagrante.
But who else was there? Steven Gerrard? A man who has rarely replicated his club form for country. A man who has an unusual knack of picking up niggly injuries in the week before friendlies, always recovering in time for the next Liverpool game. A man who repeatedly hit a stranger in a bar because he wasn't allowed to put his own music on, later being cleared of all charges because his pre-emptive attack was deemed to be self-defence. He doesn't exactly shine, does he?
Who's next? Frank Lampard? One of the Ayia Napa scalliwags from 2000, he's another with skeletons in the closet, though the fact that he is so universally hated by non-Chelsea fans is also a major factor. Ashley Cole? Good Lord, no. David James? Too eccentric. Glen Johnson? Too erratic. Gareth Barry? Deserted the club that made him in search of 'Champions League football' and found instead a big pile of money at a team who weren't even in the Europa League. Could you respect that?
Wayne Rooney had an outside chance, but his alleged dalliances with mature prostitutes and his temper tantrums probably counted him out. Besides which, he is the form of his life right now, so why give him something else to think about? Rooney is at his best when he can concentrate on football and football alone. That leaves David Beckham, a fine ambassador for the game, despite those alleged affairs, but unlikely to play any more than a supporting role in South Africa.
How did it ever come to this? England teams used to drip with potential captains. England teams used to be crammed with likeable players. With such a paucity of genuine candidates for the most prestigious role in football, depressed fans here have only one request for the future generation of superstars:
"Given that you earn hundreds of thousands of pounds a month for playing a game that we would play for free, is there any chance at all that you could attend those drug tests, leave those video cameras at home, stop hitting people and, for the love of all that is holy, keep your pants zipped up!"
Rio Ferdinand is next in line but, with all due respect, is anyone going to be inspired by him anymore? Thanks to his rickety back, he's only featured in six Premier League games all season and he's currently serving a four match ban for smashing Hull's Craig Fagan in the face. Giving him the armband also gives the press an excuse to revisit his mysterious vanishing act when called for a drugs test, not to mention that infamous videotape from his Ayia Napa holiday in 2000 when he and a number of other young footballers were filmed in flagrante.
But who else was there? Steven Gerrard? A man who has rarely replicated his club form for country. A man who has an unusual knack of picking up niggly injuries in the week before friendlies, always recovering in time for the next Liverpool game. A man who repeatedly hit a stranger in a bar because he wasn't allowed to put his own music on, later being cleared of all charges because his pre-emptive attack was deemed to be self-defence. He doesn't exactly shine, does he?
Who's next? Frank Lampard? One of the Ayia Napa scalliwags from 2000, he's another with skeletons in the closet, though the fact that he is so universally hated by non-Chelsea fans is also a major factor. Ashley Cole? Good Lord, no. David James? Too eccentric. Glen Johnson? Too erratic. Gareth Barry? Deserted the club that made him in search of 'Champions League football' and found instead a big pile of money at a team who weren't even in the Europa League. Could you respect that?
Wayne Rooney had an outside chance, but his alleged dalliances with mature prostitutes and his temper tantrums probably counted him out. Besides which, he is the form of his life right now, so why give him something else to think about? Rooney is at his best when he can concentrate on football and football alone. That leaves David Beckham, a fine ambassador for the game, despite those alleged affairs, but unlikely to play any more than a supporting role in South Africa.
How did it ever come to this? England teams used to drip with potential captains. England teams used to be crammed with likeable players. With such a paucity of genuine candidates for the most prestigious role in football, depressed fans here have only one request for the future generation of superstars:
"Given that you earn hundreds of thousands of pounds a month for playing a game that we would play for free, is there any chance at all that you could attend those drug tests, leave those video cameras at home, stop hitting people and, for the love of all that is holy, keep your pants zipped up!"
