Blue Dreams - By Dave Baker aged 13.

[DTS]

As discussed by the clique at SZ beer club last night. My English poem written 15 years ago - I thank you.


I had an awful dream last night,
I dreamed that Jason Cooke was ****e,
I dreampt Brett Angell played no more,
And that Andy Sussex couldn score,
And thet Murphy just wouldnt pick Keith Jones to play,
And when Locke got the ball he just gave it away,
I dreamed that Benji as always offside,
And that nice bloke Vic Jobson had cheated and lied,
I dreamed that he wanted to stiff us for money,
And wanted us to move - Now that bit was funny,
I dreamed that Deano and Butler were gone,
For just half a million - What a con,
The dream got worse, our achievements were few
We were on our way back to division two,
I awoke in a sweat and I started to shout,
"I wont go to Basildon" & "Jobson out"
My nightmare was over or so it would seem,
Im glad that i was just a bloody bad dream.

Anyone with comments to make please do so in the style of my English teacher !!!


:thump: DtS

 

[Flinty]

Dear Dad of DTS,

It is with great pleasure that i am writing to you regarding the recent improvement in Davids work. As you are aware there has been problems with Davids behaviour over the past few months where his attention has been distracted by the girls in his class and not fully focused on his work.

However his latest piece of work shows that he seems to have turned the corner and previously smutty offerings have now been replaced by something a little more suited to the school environment.

I'm sure that you will reward David for his efforts and install in him the need to maintain this level and not chase girls.

Yours

Mr R Shrimp

 

[canveyshrimper]

I will add that it is much better to see this written down on paper rather than the walls of the khazi.

Although it has to be said, the position of Andrew Motion as Poet Laureate is not in imminent danger.:p

Good stuff Dave.

 

[Firestorm]

David

I see that your efforts in the written English element of the curiculum are finally getting the attention previously only given to Biology practical
Keep it up

8/10

 

[Cricko2]

Dear Dad of DTS.

It Seems David is at last starting to pay attention during Eng Lit classes rather than asking poor little Samantha, (whom he sits by) to Show him her bits..

The improvement I have put down to two things. 1.His new found love for a boy class mate, It would be rude to use his real name, so for now let's just call him Lfatso and 2.The new soap which we have installed in the toilets which has taken away the rash he used to get from his constant masterbating durings breaks.

With this new found freedom to use his hands he has penned somewhat of a masterpiece in Poetry considering his obvious backward mentality...

Long may this Improvement last.

Yours Sincerely..

Mr J Cricko.

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

Dear Dad of DtS

Your son appears to have discovered a new-found love of poetry in recent weeks, so this term's report will be written in rhyming couplets.

If only your David had given attention
to adjectives, gerunds and verb conjugation!
Instead he persists in chatting up lasses
and dreaming of football throughout all my classes.
Thus, though it it may seem rather churlish and firm,
I've given young Baker C- this term.

Sincerely,

Percy Grubb, BA (Oxon)
Head of English

 

[canveyshrimper]

Dear Dad of DtS

Your son appears to have discovered a new-found love of poetry in recent weeks, so this term's report will be written in rhyming couplets.

If only your David had given attention
to adjectives, gerunds and verb conjugation!
Instead he persists in chatting up lasses
and dreaming of football throughout all my classes.
Thus, though it it may seem rather churlish and firm,
I've given young Baker C- this term.

Sincerely,

Percy Grubb, BA (Oxon)
Head of English

For the sake of the rhyme is that is the pronunciation larsses & clarsses or the Northern lasses & classes?:confused:

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

For the sake of the rhyme is that is the pronunciation larsses & clarsses or the Northern lasses & classes?:confused:

More a West Country version, a la Pam Ayres... laaasess and claaases.

:D

 

[DoDTS]

Thanks for your comments, not easy being a parent you know. Not when you firstborn turns out to be a monster.

I'm sure he'll come good one day, probably end up flogging mortgages or something.

 

[ldnfatso]

Dear Dad of DTS.

It Seems David is at last starting to pay attention during Eng Lit classes rather than asking poor little Samantha, (whom he sits by) to Show him her bits..

The improvement I have put down to two things. 1.His new found love for a boy class mate, It would be rude to use his real name, so for now let's just call him Lfatso and 2.The new soap which we have installed in the toilets which has taken away the rash he used to get from his constant masterbating durings breaks.

With this new found freedom to use his hands he has penned somewhat of a masterpiece in Poetry considering his obvious backward mentality...

Long may this Improvent last.

Yours Sincerely..

Mr J Cricko.

less of it Cricko!

 

[McNasty]

Message to Dad of DtS

The boy David is one cool dude
Footie thoughts - not yet rude
Steer him away from finance things
Heartache is all it brings
Get him a job in social leisure
Sex and kinky things-it's all a pleasure
Stop him playing with the action man toy
He'd make a fortune as a rent boy.

 

[DTS]

Message to Dad of DtS

The boy David is one cool dude
Footie thoughts - not yet rude
Steer him away from finance things
Heartache is all it brings
Get him a job in social leisure
Sex and kinky things-it's all a pleasure
Stop him playing with the action man toy
He'd make a fortune as a rent boy.

I think this is poetic genius,

If I hadnt ******* all my rep on the beer clique I would have awarded you some here.

 

[Kenny]

I always thought your best work was about Mr Keith Dublin