• Welcome to the ShrimperZone forums.
    You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which only gives you limited access.

    Existing Users:.
    Please log-in using your existing username and password. If you have any problems, please see below.

    New Users:
    Join our free community now and gain access to post topics, communicate privately with other members, respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and free. Click here to join.

    Fans from other clubs
    We welcome and appreciate supporters from other clubs who wish to engage in sensible discussion. Please feel free to join as above but understand that this is a moderated site and those who cannot play nicely will be quickly removed.

    Assistance Required
    For help with the registration process or accessing your account, please send a note using the Contact us link in the footer, please include your account name. We can then provide you with a new password and verification to get you on the site.

Slipperduke

The Camden Cad
Joined
Aug 24, 2004
Messages
4,333
Location
North London
I made the mistake of allowing Mrs Slipperduke to use the TV controller last night and paid for my lapse by being exposed to this horrible, nasty programme. Did anyone see it?

It appears to be some kind of talent show, though it's anyone's guess what the 'talent' is. You knew there was a problem when the hostess, Lisa Snowdon, arrived and the contestants fell into dumbstruck awe. Snowdon, who these days looks like her own mother, appears to be the Queen Bee. The only thing that I know her for is that fact that she apparently shagged George Clooney. It seems that's enough for respectability these days.

The crunch moment came when Chanelle/Fenelle/Fayleigh/Lipglossia, whatever her name was, was saying, "I'm going to win for the simple reason that there is absolutely nothing that I won't do."

Absolutely nothing? So you're a potential whore and a murdereress, are you? Mummy must be very proud. If she's not already, given that you just spent the last 20 minutes crying about unveiling your anorexic bangers to a gay photographer in an effort to stay in an exploitative competition that even a fashion ****** like myself could tell that you're too ****ing ugly to stand a chance of winning.

Then they all started crying about whether or not they would stay in the next round. Like the prospect of having a 13/1 to shot at being someone who is seen as little more than a prop is something to get excited about. Brilliant! I'm going to dragged around the world so that people can take a picture of my mimsy and use it to sell ****ing car tyres! Brilliant! My existence is vindicated!

When the inevitable happened and one of several fck-ugly girls got swatted out of the tv show entirely, she blubbed and resolved to keep on fighting because, "if I believe that I can do it, I will."

Wonderful sentiments. Perhaps if I believe that the next time I go to the cafe, it'll be Lindsay Lohan serving up my Special No.1, it'll actually happen. You know what? It just happened! There she is!

No, it didn't happen, you moon-faced pug! If your own reflection isn't proof enough that you were not put on this earth to look pretty then what will convince you? You could be a potential scientist, a politician, a teacher, a mother, anything, why set your sights so low and then bleat when you don't reach them? The sight of her tearfully trumping off in her Ugg Boots was heart-breaking, not because it was she was unhappy, but because I'd just lost an entire hour of my life.

Christ, it was awful. What's wrong with the world?
 
Joined
Feb 17, 2004
Messages
19,752
Location
G69
You should apply too for a TV critic role too Slip, you've outdone Victor Lewis-Smith & Charlie Brooker in a stroke there mate!
 

Yorkshire Blue

Super Moderator⭐
Staff member
Joined
Oct 27, 2003
Messages
38,718
Location
London
The try-outs for Britain's Next Top Model are fantastic Sunday lunch-time hungover viewing.


Yes, no, yes, no, yes, yes, no, yes, no way, I'm in love, yes, not in a month of Sundays etc etc

The show tailed off after that.
 

Bentley's Absurd Gait

Guest
The crunch moment came when Chanelle/Fenelle/Fayleigh/Lipglossia, whatever her name was, was saying, "I'm going to win for the simple reason that there is absolutely nothing that I won't do."

Absolutely nothing? So you're a potential whore and a murdereress, are you?

I agree wholeheartedly that this wretched televisual fare, but you may have stumbled upon a potentially superb concept with the lines quoted above. 'Will they turn tricks? Will they kill? You'll find out in the next 45 minutes!'
 

Slipperduke

The Camden Cad
Joined
Aug 24, 2004
Messages
4,333
Location
North London
I agree wholeheartedly that this wretched televisual fare, but you may have stumbled upon a potentially superb concept with the lines quoted above. 'Will they turn tricks? Will they kill? You'll find out in the next 45 minutes!'

Yes, yes, a thousand times, yes!

Let's be honest, it's only a matter of time, isn't it?
 
Joined
Feb 17, 2004
Messages
19,752
Location
G69
Well its not heard on teh grounds that Slippers both talented and funny , unlike the two mentioned above (isnt VLS dead yet ??)

VLS can be a bit of a durge in his Evening Standard column but I always found a lot of his TV work excellent (Inside VLS was one of the best comedies in the early 90s, well ahead of it's time!)
 

Uncle Leo

This cook is an anti-semite
Joined
Nov 19, 2003
Messages
23,031
Location
NY Parks Dept
VLS can be a bit of a durge in his Evening Standard column but I always found a lot of his TV work excellent (Inside VLS was one of the best comedies in the early 90s, well ahead of it's time!)

What was the tv show he did in the mid/late 90s? I remember watching it as a student and laughing my backside off.
 

osymandus

Life President
Joined
Jan 20, 2007
Messages
5,352
Location
Here there everywhere
VLS can be a bit of a durge in his Evening Standard column but I always found a lot of his TV work excellent (Inside VLS was one of the best comedies in the early 90s, well ahead of it's time!)


His just one of those people i just cant find funny (and i normally find that very dificult (except when mark steel makes a jokey fact about something which is uterly with out any kind of refernce basis in reality , and passes it off as a fact (why man why !!!))

Cough
 
Joined
Feb 17, 2004
Messages
19,752
Location
G69
His just one of those people i just cant find funny (and i normally find that very dificult (except when mark steel makes a jokey fact about something which is uterly with out any kind of refernce basis in reality , and passes it off as a fact (why man why !!!))

Cough

Give me Mark Thomas over Mark Steel every time!
 

Bentley's Absurd Gait

Guest
I learnt a long time ago that a man must always keep control of both the fiances and the tv control at all times....

Both fiances David? Are you going to break another poor girl's heart? And that double green icon for your reputation has me double green with envy.
 
Top