Stupid Women

[Bluesmanager]

No would be the simple answer.

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

Oxo Tower?! Oxo has a tower?

Although that does explain the noughts and crosses.

Indeed, it was the Oxo Tower. At the time the Oxo Tower was built, billboard advertising was banned in London, so Oxo cunningly overcame that problem by designing a building which had window designs at the top spelling Oxo...

If you don't live in London, then fair enough - you might not know about the Oxo Tower. But we were both students at King's College London, sitting in our college bar which was located on the opposite bank of the Thames to... the Oxo Tower. Having sat opposite this building for a very long time, I just thought it was fairly dense that she still hadn't found out why it had "OXO" written on it.

To look at it another way... why would any building have noughts and crosses on it?!

:thump:

 

[Bluesmanager]

Thanks Matt. I do agree, rather dense of the girl not to notice that.

 

[ShrimperChris]

the stupidest thing I have heard a woman say came from my house mate. Something along the lines of:

"When was Euro 2000?" or "Euro 2000 was the one in '96"

It was one or the other, ant quite remember which, but I'm sure you will all agree that both comments are extremely dense!!

 

[chaco27saf]

Back in high school, a girl that I was friends with had just got her drivers license and she came by to pick up me and a friend to go somewhere. As we were leaving the neighborhood we approach a stop sign, she begins to slow down, but only a bit before she gunned it through the intersection. My friend and I look at each other in bemusement, but didn't say anything. Then, at the next stop sign, she didn't even bother slowing down, blowing straight by it. At this point my buddy screams "Why the hell aren't you stopping!?" She calmly looks over at him and replies "You don't need to, I was told the stop signs with white borders are optional." My friend and I burst in laughter, however, we were able to contain ourselves long enough to tell her that virtually every stop sign has a white border, and whoever told her that was full of crap, before we reached the next intersection.

 

[Mad Cyril]

Men are just as stupid.

Someone in my old office believed me when I told him the numbers on Chinese menus where standardized throughout the entire world.

The same person also believed me when I told him James Cameron was filming Titanic II.

 

[NZamba Legend]

I agree with Mad Cyril- a guy I lived with said the supidest thing I have ever heard:

Where can I get one those baseball caps with the peak on the side?

 

[Pubey]

a girl at my uni asked this classic question:

at the halls of residence there was a room and one side of the wall had lots of locked little pigeon-hole cupboards, one for each corridor in the halls where the post would be left.

it would be quite annoying to forget your key and then not be able to check your post as for us it was quite a walk out of the way.

once i was walking down to the post room with the girl in question and she said...

"i wonder why they even have locks on the doors?"

to which i replied "well it's for security isn't it!"

so she thought about this and then after much thought replied

"what??? letter bombs!?!?"

errrrrrrrrrr or just to stop people stealing your post sweetheart!

 

[Pubey]

I agree with Mad Cyril- a guy I lived with said the supidest thing I have ever heard:

Where can I get one those baseball caps with the peak on the side?

yeah my mate often came out with some classics.. I'll try and remember some.

one of them was that he has this belief that when you went out, the barstaff in clubs and bars would put less and less vodka or jd in your drinks to make you buy more and more... he was so sure about this. it wasn't just the fact that after 20 he couldn't really taste it any more!! many a time he would be leaning over the bar to make sure the staff wouldn't shortchange him with his measures!

 

[Xàbia Shrimper]

About 16 or 17 years ago we told a young lass who lived in a very nice house in Barling that an "outer M-25" was to carve its way through the Essex countryside and consequently through Barling on its way to a huge bridge which would extend across to Kent from the Old Ranges in Shoeburyness. As with all these quips made down the pub, we didn't think anything else of it until a few days later when - and I kid ye not - we noticed "No M25 ring road" posters not only in the windows of her house but also in the windows of her neighbours.

The same lass had an unhealthy obssession with Macdonalds and was once told that the Queensway underpass was to be shut to normal traffic and turned into a huge underground drive-thru Macdonalds with the capacity to serve almost 50 cars in one go from a series of serving hatches along one side of the road. This was alleviate problems with parking at over ground restaurants. However - and we couldn't have made it even more ridiculous if we tried - only cars with a length minimum of 2.10m would be allowed through (guess what ~ she drove a mini) but that it would be acceptable if smaller cars attached a trailer to extend its overall length. Again, we forgot about it for months until she wondered loudly down the pub when construction of the drive-thru was to start.

And to prove it's not just the ladies: we once told a young lad that in nightclubs it was perfectly acceptable to use the ladies toilets if all the urinals and traps were occupied in the gents. He lasted about 30 minutes before being launched superman-style from the nightclub entrance, his plea of innocence fading doppler-like into the night sky.

 

[SUFC_Al]

this didn't happen to me directly but when my missus told me I was in disbelief.

She works in an office block in Southend high street and the building commands some fine panoramic views of Southend. She was sitting next to a young lady of about 16. Said girl looks out of the window and from nowhere asks my missus, "Is that London over there?" My missus looks up from her work not sure whether she's hearing things right or not. "Is what London?" she replied, "That over there, is that London?" She gets up and follows where the girl is pointing. "What those tower blocks over there?", "Yeah, is that London?"

I don't know how she kept a straight face when she said "No, that's not London, it's Cluny Square!!!!" :thump: :hilarious: :hilarious:

She has come out with some corkers this bird but I can't remember then right now.

 

[Mad Cyril]

I used to work on an MOD site and as you can imagine the security was pretty tight with armed guards on the gate etc.

There was a classic prank played on a new starter that went as follows:

The new starter was told to take their timesheet over to the admin building which was 200 yards away across a lawned area.

On his way out the door the boss would stop them and ask what the hell he thought he was was doing? It would be explained that the timesheet was a classified document, could not be allowed to fall into the wrong hands and must be transferred under maximum security.

The new starter was then instructed to go to the MOD police station on site and sign themselves out a gun in order to protect the document on it's journey between buildings.

The look on their faces when they returned empty handed from the MOD police station was priceless.

 

[Desert Shrimper]

Mrs Callan has had hours of fun trying to buy following items at various retail shops in southend from my Christmas list;
Hokey cokey 2000 with high speed adapter (B+Q 2004).
Tutti Frutti 500 (woolworths 2005).
Bananarama special edition converter pod (Dixons 2006).

Excellent! :hilarious:

 

[chadded]

MOD police station

Thank your lucky stars I'm all repped out! :mad:

That said, you've reminded me of some pranks the new lads posted out of training get when they report to their first Army unit.

The keys to the indoor grenade range

A tub of DPM Paint

Long Wait

Given an axe/crow bar to take to the REME lads, and a note that must go to the RSM. New lad goes to RSM with axe/crow bar and gives note to RSM. The note says something along the lines of ' Give me two weeks leave or I'll chop your head off''

 

[Xàbia Shrimper]

I used to work on an MOD site and as you can imagine the security was pretty tight with armed guards on the gate etc.

So did I. But the security wasn't tight where I worked. I once got through the gates by flashing my Lloyds TSB debit card ...

 

[blues_r_best]

"Where does the M25 go to?"

Watching a program on saline Breast implants. One womans leaked and she had to have it removed. I said that this was lucky as if it had been left in a moment longer it would have started ******* all of the moisture out of her body and she would start shrinking until she was eventually only a few inches tall. Half an hour later she still couldnt believe this and i had to admit that i was in fact talking out of my ****.

 

[canveyshrimper]

"'ere, you know that Cliff Richard. Do you know his real name is Dover Dick?"

:hilarious: :hilarious: :hilarious:
I just choked on my lunch.

 

[canveyshrimper]

Men are just as stupid.
The same person also believed me when I told him James Cameron was filming Titanic II.

Oh dear.:hilarious:

 

[canveyshrimper]

Two spring to mind.

We had a dopey bird come in for an interview, easy on the eye, but as thick as two short ones.

To be fair our application form is a bit convoluted.
Method of travel to work, which she put train.

Next of Kin - Bus

I had to step out of the interview to change my incontinence pad.

A few years ago I was in a pub with a mate, he was at the bar replenishing our supplies, when this lass rattled a collection tin at me, and said.

"I'm collecting for the deaf"
Me "Pardon"
Lass "Im'm collecting for the deaf"
Me "Pardon"
Lass at full volume "I'M COLLECTING FOR THE DEAF"
Me "Pardon"
At which point she realised I may have been taking the p1ss, and she stomped off in high dudgeon, only for her to espy my mate clutching two pints of black stuff.

Lass "I'm collecting for the deaf"
Mate "Pardon"
Lass "I'm collecting for the deaf"
Mate "Pardon"
Lass "You anything to do with him"

Don't think she collected a lot that night with that approach.

 

[South Bank Hank]

Noticing the Titanic post above, a friend of my wife's asked the following questions after the film... I've tried to limit the time Mrs Bank-Hank (it's double-barrelled you see) spends with her.

"Problem with these films is you obviously know what's going to happen..."
"Why?"
"Uhmm... well, the boat was always going to get a little bit too wet..."
"How did you know? I didn't."



My mum dines out on the story of an office junior who used to work for her. Having asked her to fax a document to somewhere in the Middle-East, she headed off in the opposite direction to the fax machine. In fact, she headed directly for the photocopier. When mum pointed out that the fax was "over here", she said...


"Oh, yes, don't worry. I'm just really organised. I was going to photocopy the document so we've got a copy once I've faxed this one..."

Really would have liked to dig deeper into that conversation.