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. The Boardroom
Shrimperzone FC
Southend-on-Sea
Essex
To Whom It May Concern:
Following FIFA’s continued moves to interfere with football and their sudden enthusiasm to introduce a metric system to the English league standard, it’s become clear that a league of 92 teams is unacceptable as a league ladder. To remedy this, FIFA have decided that each professional division in England shall have 25 teams regardless of consequence. The Premiership will welcome Scottish giants Rangers, Celtic and Gretna, along with Harchester United and a corporate team representing the highest bidder. In the Championship, Shrimperzone FC has been offered the opportunity to play against their heroes. The entered team will be required to take on a new team name.
The new squad needs a new manager and you have been identified as potential candidates. No experience is necessary in real life or Football Manager but a keen eye for a player is essential.
A great boost has been given to SZFC after an offer of backing was received from a local consortium who have offered 90 million pounds in order to build a team for the forthcoming season. We have been in discussions with clubs across this league regarding the availability of players and compiled a list of fees that each player will command. We have decided that thirteen players will be needed. A further consideration is that no club will sell more than two players in order to protect their squad.
Having seen various experimentations with the English national team, the board won’t accept any formation other than 4-4-2. The two reserve players can be any position other than goalkeeper and can be permanently transferred in to the team at any time before the next transfer window in January. These are the only two transfers that can be performed and are not reversible.
In January, there will be an opportunity for further purchases and sales. The board will re-assess player values. High performing players will appreciate in value whilst under-performers will become cheaper. Players that we sign before the start of the season will also change in value and these increases may result in a larger transfer budget in Januray. In short, if your players perform well, you will have more to spend in January. You will be able to make unlimited transfers in January in order to reach our expectations for this season.
Please submit applications by 12:00 midday on Saturday 6th of August. This should give us enough time to helicopter in the signed players in time for the big kick-off.
In Summary:
>> Sign 13 players for a total value of £90m or less
>> A maximum of two players per team is permitted
>> One goalkeeper, 4 defenders, 4 midfielders and 2 attackers will comprise the first XI
>> Two outfield reserves must be selected. These two players can be substituted in to the team. Substitutions will only become live on the Saturday at the end of the week they are submitted.
>> There will be a transfer window in January where you will have the opportunity to change your entire squad. Player values will change and depending on your team’s performance, you may have a larger transfer budget.
If you are interested in taking this managerial position, please send the spreadsheet linked below to whothefcukaremanunited@hotmail.com . Peripheral issues like motivation, training techniques and man-management can be sorted out later and used by the board as an excuse for your poor performance, should it happen.
Download Entry Sheet
We greatly anticipate your response
The Board
**The above letter is purely fictional. Any reference to characters, scenarios or places is purely coincidental and unintentional. Or at least, just a little bit lacking in subtlety. SZFC isn't actually getting taken over and your roles in the team are safe. Any questions, post them below as I'm pretty sure that having rushed this, there will be gaping holes!**
Shrimperzone FC
Southend-on-Sea
Essex
To Whom It May Concern:
Following FIFA’s continued moves to interfere with football and their sudden enthusiasm to introduce a metric system to the English league standard, it’s become clear that a league of 92 teams is unacceptable as a league ladder. To remedy this, FIFA have decided that each professional division in England shall have 25 teams regardless of consequence. The Premiership will welcome Scottish giants Rangers, Celtic and Gretna, along with Harchester United and a corporate team representing the highest bidder. In the Championship, Shrimperzone FC has been offered the opportunity to play against their heroes. The entered team will be required to take on a new team name.
The new squad needs a new manager and you have been identified as potential candidates. No experience is necessary in real life or Football Manager but a keen eye for a player is essential.
A great boost has been given to SZFC after an offer of backing was received from a local consortium who have offered 90 million pounds in order to build a team for the forthcoming season. We have been in discussions with clubs across this league regarding the availability of players and compiled a list of fees that each player will command. We have decided that thirteen players will be needed. A further consideration is that no club will sell more than two players in order to protect their squad.
Having seen various experimentations with the English national team, the board won’t accept any formation other than 4-4-2. The two reserve players can be any position other than goalkeeper and can be permanently transferred in to the team at any time before the next transfer window in January. These are the only two transfers that can be performed and are not reversible.
In January, there will be an opportunity for further purchases and sales. The board will re-assess player values. High performing players will appreciate in value whilst under-performers will become cheaper. Players that we sign before the start of the season will also change in value and these increases may result in a larger transfer budget in Januray. In short, if your players perform well, you will have more to spend in January. You will be able to make unlimited transfers in January in order to reach our expectations for this season.
Please submit applications by 12:00 midday on Saturday 6th of August. This should give us enough time to helicopter in the signed players in time for the big kick-off.
In Summary:
>> Sign 13 players for a total value of £90m or less
>> A maximum of two players per team is permitted
>> One goalkeeper, 4 defenders, 4 midfielders and 2 attackers will comprise the first XI
>> Two outfield reserves must be selected. These two players can be substituted in to the team. Substitutions will only become live on the Saturday at the end of the week they are submitted.
>> There will be a transfer window in January where you will have the opportunity to change your entire squad. Player values will change and depending on your team’s performance, you may have a larger transfer budget.
If you are interested in taking this managerial position, please send the spreadsheet linked below to whothefcukaremanunited@hotmail.com . Peripheral issues like motivation, training techniques and man-management can be sorted out later and used by the board as an excuse for your poor performance, should it happen.
Download Entry Sheet
We greatly anticipate your response
The Board
**The above letter is purely fictional. Any reference to characters, scenarios or places is purely coincidental and unintentional. Or at least, just a little bit lacking in subtlety. SZFC isn't actually getting taken over and your roles in the team are safe. Any questions, post them below as I'm pretty sure that having rushed this, there will be gaping holes!**
