• Welcome to the ShrimperZone forums.
    You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which only gives you limited access.

    Existing Users:.
    Please log-in using your existing username and password. If you have any problems, please see below.

    New Users:
    Join our free community now and gain access to post topics, communicate privately with other members, respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and free. Click here to join.

    Fans from other clubs
    We welcome and appreciate supporters from other clubs who wish to engage in sensible discussion. Please feel free to join as above but understand that this is a moderated site and those who cannot play nicely will be quickly removed.

    Assistance Required
    For help with the registration process or accessing your account, please send a note using the Contact us link in the footer, please include your account name. We can then provide you with a new password and verification to get you on the site.


The Camden Cad
Aug 24, 2004
North London
I wouldn't want anyone to think that I didn't like Transformers. I am of that age. An age where pocket-money was stockpiled and then squandered on curious plastic trinkets with names like Bumblebee, Starscream and Optimus Prime. Look, it's a plane! Look, it's...erm...a robot that...erm...sort of looks like a plane. Wonderful stuff, especially those little holograms that gave away the robot's alliegance under the pressure of an eight year old's sweaty thumb.

But I'm through that now. It's behind me. Eventually, I lost Bumblebee in the garden and I accidentally broke the doors to Optimus Prime's trailer compartment. Then I bought a Spectrum 128k and never looked back. Citroen however, on the evidence of their continually frustrating campaign, never got their Spectrum.

Last year, the French car-monkeys launched their dancing, robot-car advertising assault to a widespread, "huh?" as millions of befuddled viewers tried to figure out what they were supposed to be watching. Were Citroen actually offering a really quite impressive selling point? Why the breakbeats? Was the robot sentient and indentured under the jackboot of a Hoxton-based, wooly-hat wearing trustafarian? And wouldn't all that shape-throwing make the CD player skip? Citroen offered no answers.

Now, they have returned and this time the robot is even more Grange Hill-cool than ever before. Watch how he dances! Look how he preens himself in front of a mirrored building! Smile as he shakes his stuff in a Chicago ghetto with some, like, genuine black people. Scratch your head as not a single one of the car's actual features is allowed to pass the screen.

Only at the end do Citroen submit and allow our hero to revert to his other form, to accept the cruel duality of his existence. By day, he is the Funkmeister General, by night...erm...well, he looks like an upturned skip on wheels. And herein lies the problem. Citroen have been caught polishing turds. The C5 would never get on with Optimus Prime. If it had a Transformer name, it would be called 'Shoebox', or maybe 'Clog', and it would be in charge of the Autobot's office supplies. It's boxy, uninspiring and, above all, it's safe. And killer robots are not supposed to be safe.


Junior Blues Coordinator⭐
Dec 27, 2007
:offtopic: Just want to say, nice piece in the programme last night Slip! Book sales look to be going very well!