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Matt the Shrimp

aka Harry Potter
Joined
Oct 27, 2003
Messages
19,929
Location
Lewisham, London
An anonymous letter, quite amusing...

Matt

= = = = = = = = =

<span style='color:blue'>Dear Red States

We&#39;re ticked off at the way you&#39;ve treated California, and we&#39;ve decided we&#39;re leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we&#39;re taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren&#39;t aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the entire Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole&#39; Miss.

We get 85 percent of America&#39;s venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue; you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition&#39;s, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we&#39;re going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they&#39;re apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don&#39;t care if you don&#39;t show pictures of their children&#39;s caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we&#39;re not willing to spend our resources in Bush&#39;s Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country&#39;s fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation&#39;s fresh fruit, 95 percent of America&#39;s quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs),92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we&#39;re discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11, and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

Sincerely,
Author Unknown in New California</span>
 

Smudger

Manager
Joined
Oct 25, 2003
Messages
1,905
Location
Manama, Bahrain
[b said:
Quote[/b] (chaco27saf @ July 12 2005,09:19)]That was a very enjoyable read, thanks for posting that Matt.

Seth, what gives with your country dude? It&#39;s like a mass-indoctrination is going on or something?? Why can&#39;t Americans see in Bush what the rest of the World sees?
 

chaco27saf

Manager
Joined
May 30, 2004
Messages
1,157
Location
Denver
The only reason Bush won the last election is because most Americans feel that Bush is tough on terrorism and that we are less vulnerable to an attack while he is in the white house. While I believe that Kerry would have been weak in that area I still don&#39;t see why people continue to support Bush. His international policies, as most people on here are well aware, are awful, and his domestic policies are non-existant outside the scope of homeland security. His approval rating is at an all-time low, but how 40% of Americans can still approve of the job he is doing is baffling to me.
 

BoyWonder2

Life President⭐
Joined
Oct 25, 2003
Messages
8,170
Location
Cold Norton, Essex
laugh.gif
 
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