DTS
The Business
The lads and I went on one of the tamest stag do's ever a few weeks ago. It was a good mate of ours who got married and we had planned a "crazy night" in London.
Sadly the groom to be was taken into hospital with a chest complaint and decided clubbing his tits off till 4am wasnt a good idea so we settled for a ruby and a few beers in Haywards Heath.
It was the day of our win over Stoke so I was buzzing and the rest of my mates never need an excuse to have a beer so we all got battered.
We settled in a bar with an open terrace outside and decided to make the most of the fine weather. Sadly there were no seats but we sayw a few girls one of the lads knew who work down our local leisure centre and they said that we could share with them.
Pretty soon we got split into little groups. None of these birds are great if I am honest and I have since found out one has a glass eye but we didnt pick that up at the time.
My mate Clumsey & I got talking with a bird called Jemma "With a J". We were pretty battered and so was she. Conversation was pretty slow at least.
As the night wore on the covnersation dropped. She was not interested in us nor us her. Until the conversation turned to employment. She asked me what I did and with my reply "Mortgage Broker" I saw her last bit of interst wained.
She turned to my mate and asked him what he did. Now he is a project manager for American Express a cracking job but not really a fanny magnet.
"I am a pilot" came his reply.
He eyes lit up....."Oh my god I used to be an air hostess. I love Pilots came her reply". And from that point she was hooked. I may as well have got the match day programme out for all my input in the conversation.
As the lie unravelled his story became more and more flawed. He claimed to have 40,000 air hours under his belt despite only having passed his test 5 years ago. I pointed out this worked out a staggering 154 hours flying a week which must be against EU rules but Jemma didnt care.
The swapped numbers and I suspected that was it.
A few days later the day the planned London plane attacks were planned I get an email from Clumsey who was sat behind his nice comfortable desk in on Brighton seafront wetting himself as Jemma had text to say "Be careful in the sky today babe".
Anyway Clumsey decides it would be rude to look a gift horse in the mouth and asks her for a drink. His plan was merely to do the deed and then fly on out of there so to speak.
He picked her up on the date and the conversation turned straight to a life in the air.
Basically he spent the whole night blagging it about what a tough life being a pliot is coming out with such classic lines as "I dont like to mix business with pleasure" when asked if he dates many of the hosties. She even told her Dad and Nan about her date with this legend of the skies.
Despite the fact the date was built on a pack of lies after lie my mate actually thinks she is quite nice and wants to see her again.It also sounds like date three could yield a rich bounty if you see what I mean.
SO HIS DILEMA IS THIS: "Should he come clean and tell her the truth about his employment or should he hire a fancy dress outfit in order to bed her?
S'Zoners it is over to you.
Sadly the groom to be was taken into hospital with a chest complaint and decided clubbing his tits off till 4am wasnt a good idea so we settled for a ruby and a few beers in Haywards Heath.
It was the day of our win over Stoke so I was buzzing and the rest of my mates never need an excuse to have a beer so we all got battered.
We settled in a bar with an open terrace outside and decided to make the most of the fine weather. Sadly there were no seats but we sayw a few girls one of the lads knew who work down our local leisure centre and they said that we could share with them.
Pretty soon we got split into little groups. None of these birds are great if I am honest and I have since found out one has a glass eye but we didnt pick that up at the time.
My mate Clumsey & I got talking with a bird called Jemma "With a J". We were pretty battered and so was she. Conversation was pretty slow at least.
As the night wore on the covnersation dropped. She was not interested in us nor us her. Until the conversation turned to employment. She asked me what I did and with my reply "Mortgage Broker" I saw her last bit of interst wained.
She turned to my mate and asked him what he did. Now he is a project manager for American Express a cracking job but not really a fanny magnet.
"I am a pilot" came his reply.
As the lie unravelled his story became more and more flawed. He claimed to have 40,000 air hours under his belt despite only having passed his test 5 years ago. I pointed out this worked out a staggering 154 hours flying a week which must be against EU rules but Jemma didnt care.
The swapped numbers and I suspected that was it.
A few days later the day the planned London plane attacks were planned I get an email from Clumsey who was sat behind his nice comfortable desk in on Brighton seafront wetting himself as Jemma had text to say "Be careful in the sky today babe".
Anyway Clumsey decides it would be rude to look a gift horse in the mouth and asks her for a drink. His plan was merely to do the deed and then fly on out of there so to speak.
He picked her up on the date and the conversation turned straight to a life in the air.
Basically he spent the whole night blagging it about what a tough life being a pliot is coming out with such classic lines as "I dont like to mix business with pleasure" when asked if he dates many of the hosties. She even told her Dad and Nan about her date with this legend of the skies.
Despite the fact the date was built on a pack of lies after lie my mate actually thinks she is quite nice and wants to see her again.It also sounds like date three could yield a rich bounty if you see what I mean.
SO HIS DILEMA IS THIS: "Should he come clean and tell her the truth about his employment or should he hire a fancy dress outfit in order to bed her?
S'Zoners it is over to you.
