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  1. Slipperduke

    SZ Novella - Chapter One

    Inspired by the truly awesome work of the Shrimperzone Writer's Bureau, I've been clattering away on a full version of this dystopian nightmare, attempting to give it the depth that it deserves. MK Shrimper planted a bug in my head and I really hope that I can do it justice, not least because...

    How to start a fight

    My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started... ------------------------------------------------------------------------- My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming...
  3. Slipperduke

    The Fall of Roman's Empire?

    The rumours that Roman Abramovich is attempting to sell Chelsea may have been quickly denied by the club, but when you stack up the numbers, it's all too plausible. Stamford Bridge has been a black hole for the Russian oligarch's cash and, in a year when he's lost so much money elsewhere, it...
  4. Benfleet A1

    Our little trip to Chelsea

    I awoke at 4am in need of a wee and stumbled out of bed. One empty bladder later I attempted to get back to the land of nod, no chance. So I surfaced, got dressed and tip toed into the kitchen for a cuppa. Got bored with the telly so tormented the cat for a while by making out I was going to let...
  5. Bluesmanager

    Why Men are Never Depressed

    Found this on another forum (family friendly so there shouldn't be anything wrong with this but mods, feel free to edit, delete or what have you) WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is...
  6. SUFC Wallet from club shop

    I need a new wallet and thought about buying the Southend wallet from the club shop. Before i buy it i would like to know no if anyone has any reviews about it e.g. good quality, card slots inside, place to keep coin etc. Don't know if this is the right place to post this though. thanks
  7. Harold Bishop Killer

    Midweek Funnies

    There are two Mexicans who have been lost in the desert for weeks, and they're at death's door. As they stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something similar, they suddenly spy, through the heat haze, a tree, off in the distance. As they get closer, they can see that...
  8. TrueBlue

    Is anybody glad?

    Is anybody glad the season is over? a chance to rest the liver and the wallet?
  9. This One Deserves its Own Thread

    Two muslims are chatting. One of them opens his wallet and flips through pictures. "you see, this is my oldest. He's a martyr. Here's my second son. He's a martyr, too." The second muslim says, gently, "Ah, they blow up so fast, don't they?"
  10. J

    Have you ever lost your wallet?

    Easy question really..
  11. Slipperduke

    Boring, boring Chelsea

    Thanks to Chelsea, I’m in a lot of trouble right now. You see, when I cover an away game from the television, I usually take the opportunity to invite a few people over, let them raid my beer fridge and then sit nearest the television with a notepad while they chatter around me. It was only...
  12. Mr Gilbo


    Anyone else get an email about this?! Not sure it is really a good idea to be honest. You get it automatically if you are a season ticket holder, but if you aren't a season ticket holder it will cost a tenner. Now one benefit is that it will put you in 2nd place in priority for away tickets...
  13. Slipperduke

    Capello - Will He Be Allowed To Win?

    Judging by the amount of hastily cobbled together puns on Fabio Capello's name in this morning's British tabloids, it now seems certain that the former Real Madrid boss will be named as the new England manager by the time you read this. Either that, or the Football Association's press officer...
  14. My Man U ticket .....

    It always gives me great pleasure to meet and mix with fans of the biggest football club in the world and this year has been a great time to chat with Alex Fergusons red army. The latest was my Irish brother in law who I haven't seen for some years and is a particularly painful Man U type...
  15. Holloway - talking sense!

    From His BBC Column:
  16. fatshrimp

    Idle speculation

    Did I read on here sometime last week that David Sullivan may well be selling up at Brum and about to dip into his wallet and snap up Southend United? Just saw an article in the paper today saying that he and his partners the Gold Brothers are likely to sell their interests in the Daily &...
  17. southend_shrimp

    Welcome back to Britain Mr McCann

    Madeleine McCann's father has appealed to the thief who stole his wallet to give back two pictures of his missing daughter he kept inside. The wallet was snatched on a rare return trip to the UK - after he acted as a good Samaritan on the flight over. One picture shows Madeleine - abducted on...
  18. The (Very Long) Diary of a Happy Fan

    Tuesday 3rd - Just come back from the pub, nice chat with Ron Mack, told him that I couldn't afford any more trips to watch the Blues this season, especially as out of 5 trips I had managed 2 draws and 3 defeats. Friday 6th - Incredible, just told my son that I hoped we wouldn't give away an...
  19. Shirt Wanted

    Play 5 a side at uni and our colours are white. Would much rather wear a Southend shirt than the boring old England ones everyone else wears. Always only ever buy the blue home shirt, as much as id love to go out and buy this years white away shirt to play in, my poor student...
  20. Groyne Strain

    Hull, Hell And Happiness

    18 hours of hell, 1 moment of ecstasy ..... 4.00pm - get up from bed (I work nights), showered, breakfasted, watch greedy tart crying because she only won a tenner on Deal Or Sod Off, Noel. 5.00pm - can't afford the bus fare to Billericay station, where Chipper is being dropped off from...