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MrB

Life President
Joined
Oct 27, 2003
Messages
17,501
Location
Desk
Seen this before but still makes me chuckle. May have to try to use a few of these in every day life, especially No. 30.

1. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a tumble dryer

3. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

4. She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.

5. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

6. McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag filled with vegetable soup.

7. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the centre

8. The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.

9. Her vocabulary was as bad as, kinda' like, sorta, whatever.

10. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

11. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease

12. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Chicago at 6:36 pm travelling at 55 mph, the other from New York 4:19pm at a speed of 35 mph

13. The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the full stop after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

14. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

15. The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

16. The red brick wall was the colour of a brick-red crayon.

17. Even in his last years, Grandad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

18. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

19. The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

20. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for while.

21. "Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a student on 50 cent-a-pint night.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from the "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" ad.

24. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

25. It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.

26. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a lamppost.

27. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free cashpoint.

28. It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with their power tools.

29. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a dustcart reversing.

30. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature British beef.

31. Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal fax machine that needed a band tightened.

32. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

33. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master
 
Some more for you:

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two
sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances
like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience,
like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse
without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around
the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking
at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog
makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a
surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag
filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an
eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another
city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when
you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced
across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains,
one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the
other from Topeka at
4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket
fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds
who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was
the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap,
only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike
Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,
either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping
on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one
slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard
bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
 
How about...

26. He posted pretty much the same list but in different order like someone who hadn't really read the first post in great detail.

:whistling:
 
Seen this before but still makes me chuckle. May have to try to use a few of these in every day life, especially No. 30.

1. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a tumble dryer

3. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

4. She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.

5. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

6. McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag filled with vegetable soup.

7. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the centre

8. The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.

9. Her vocabulary was as bad as, kinda' like, sorta, whatever.

10. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

11. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease

12. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Chicago at 6:36 pm travelling at 55 mph, the other from New York 4:19pm at a speed of 35 mph

13. The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the full stop after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

14. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

15. The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

16. The red brick wall was the colour of a brick-red crayon.

17. Even in his last years, Grandad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

18. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

19. The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

20. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for while.

21. "Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a student on 50 cent-a-pint night.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from the "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" ad.

24. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

25. It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.

26. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a lamppost.

27. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free cashpoint.

28. It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with their power tools.

29. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a dustcart reversing.

30. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature British beef.

31. Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal fax machine that needed a band tightened.

32. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

33. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master


5,22 and 30 are by far and away the best ones. Laughed out loud at those ones.
 
My mate came out with a classic some years ago. Upon bumping into a old flame in a club he uttered the line 'At school you were an ugly duckling but have grown into a beautiful goose'

Didn't work.
 
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