Worst Job

[Mad Cyril]

I think we have had this one before but never mind.....

After being booted out of University I was lucky enough to get a job in a sponge factory. In fact they made just about every cleaning product you can name, sponges, scourers, j-cloths etc. etc.

I did many jobs such as making j-cloth material, compacting waste sponge material and making novelty sponge animals.

My main job involved unloading lorries full of sheets of scourer and huge blocks of sponge. These blocks of sponge can knock a man unconscious if they fall and I remember walking into the warehouse one day to see a pair of feet sticking out from underneath a huge pink cube. Luckily the victim only suffered mild concussion.

I would also walk around the factory and collect the finished goods which I would then load onto other lorries where they would be dispatched to Nisa, Happy Shopper, etc.

Believe it or not I had one of the better jobs in the place and had ample opportunity to skive, chat, smoke or leap off roofs/moving vehicles onto massive blocks of sponge.

Those people on the shop floor (putting sponges, scourers etc into bags or onto conveyer belts) were subjected to some of the most boring work imaginable. New starters would regularly do a runner after just 30 minutes never to be seen again.

Luckily I managed to talk my way back into university and left just before the whole operation moved to Shoebury. To this day I can't walk down the cleaning product aisle in a supermarket without the memories flooding back.

 

[SUFC_Al]

I think we have had this one before but never mind.....

After being booted out of University I was lucky enough to get a job in a sponge factory. In fact they made just about every cleaning product you can name, sponges, scourers, j-cloths etc. etc.

I did many jobs such as making j-cloth material, compacting waste sponge material and making novelty sponge animals.

My main job involved unloading lorries full of sheets of scourer and huge blocks of sponge. These blocks of sponge can knock a man unconscious if they fall and I remember walking into the warehouse one day to see a pair of feet sticking out from underneath a huge pink cube. Luckily the victim only suffered mild concussion.

I would also walk around the factory and collect the finished goods which I would then load onto other lorries where they would be dispatched to Nisa, Happy Shopper, etc.

Believe it or not I had one of the better jobs in the place and had ample opportunity to skive, chat, smoke or leap off roofs/moving vehicles onto massive blocks of sponge.

Those people on the shop floor (putting sponges, scourers etc into bags or onto conveyer belts) were subjected to some of the most boring work imaginable. New starters would regularly do a runner after just 30 minutes never to be seen again.

Luckily I managed to talk my way back into university and left just before the whole operation moved to Shoebury. To this day I can't walk down the cleaning product aisle in a supermarket without the memories flooding back.

sounds like where my brother used to work, EGL by any chance?

 

[chadded]

Worked at Waitrose for 3 months developing photos. You'd think that youd see some decent fitties in bikinis, but no. Not once.

 

[Napster]

I worked there as well - I used to separate the blocks of pulp fibre by hand - a temp job before going back to uni.

I saw one of the guys a few years after I left who I worked with - he had a finger chopped off and won about £30k compo.

 

[Winkle]

I unfortunatly found myself being made redundant in november 1984 and to get me threw crimbo I worked at Matchbox toys in aviation way for 6 weeks.To say its the worst job I ever had was an understatement and apart from the the odd good looking filly and a couple of spliffs to get me threw the day it is an experience I want to forget!

 

[Firestorm]

<<Derek and Clive mode On >>

The worst job i ever had was removing lobsters from Jayne Mansfields ****

Full script here http://www.phespirit.info/derekandclive/live_01.htm

 

[canveyshrimper]

Now where's that Derek & Clive CD?

 

[Cricko2]

Lol you beat me Gary grrrrr:o

But here it it for you and Harry ..:D

Derek & Clive -
"The Worst Job I Ever Had"
[ from the album "(Live)" (1976) ]

CLIVE:
I'll tell you .....
DEREK:
(enormous belch) Testing, testing, .....
CLIVE:
No, no, don't test any longer.
DEREK:
No.
CLIVE:
Er, I'll tell you the worst job I ever had.
DEREK:
What was that?
CLIVE:
The worst job I ever had was with Jayne Mansfield. You know, she was a fantastic bird, you know .....
DEREK:
Yeah, yeah.
CLIVE:
..... big tits, huge bum, and everything like that, but I had the terrible job of retrieving lobsters from her bum.
DEREK:
Really? Bloody hell, that must have been a task.
CLIVE:
Well, it was quite a task 'cause she had a big bum .....
DEREK:
Well, I remember.
CLIVE:
..... and they were big lobsters.
DEREK:
I remember she had a huge bum.
CLIVE:
Well, she had one and, er, you know, presumably in the afterlife .....
DEREK:
(belches) Oh dear.
CLIVE:
Shut up ..... she still has one. But I had to, used to go round, you know, of an evening .....
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
..... when Jayne was sleeping or sort of comatose, like, .....
DEREK:
Yeah, yeah.
CLIVE:
..... you know, you know.
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
You know, just lying there.
DEREK:
Comatose.
CLIVE:
And the ne-
DEREK:
'Coma-toes to her head' huh-huh-huh.
CLIVE:
'Coma-toes to her head' - shut up.
DEREK:
(coughs)
CLIVE:
And, er, I had to retrieve these lobsters from her a rsehole.
DEREK:
Yeah, well, I remember she had a lot of trouble with-, with lobsters up her a rsehole.
CLIVE:
Well, you see, the lobsters .....
DEREK:
Basically, she suffered from, er, what was known in-, in the medical trade as 'lobsters-up-the-a rsehole'.
CLIVE:
Well, this is what it said scientifically, you know, .....
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
..... 'lobsters-up-the-bum', you know .....
DEREK:
Mmm.
CLIVE:
..... this was the scientific, er, term for it but, you know, in general terms it was known as 'Lobsterisimus -um- Bummakisimus'.
DEREK:
Yeah, yeah.
CLIVE:
And it was my job every evening to go round to Jayne .....
DEREK:
Mmm.
CLIVE:
..... who was a sweet girl.
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
Sweet, charming, shy, mysterious girl .....
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
..... and get these f**king lobsters out of her a rsehole.
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
Which is so tricky because she was a very sensitive woman, you know.
DEREK:
Yeah, yeah.
CLIVE:
I used to go round there every evening and these lobsters, you know, she used to go out bathing in Malibu .....
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
..... which is where she used to go out bathing.
DEREK:
Yeah, oh, Malibu, yeah.
CLIVE:
Malibu, yes. Malibu-de-bum-bum. And, erm, up went the lobsters - boing! - straight up her a rsehole.
DEREK:
Well, I think, you know, I think she brought it on herself, really, didn't she?
CLIVE:
Not so much brought them on herself as so much encouraged them, you know, .....
DEREK:
Yeah, yeah.
CLIVE:
..... by the flagrant display which she got up to.
DEREK:
Well, I think she was a dirty cow.
CLIVE:
Well .....
DEREK:
And being .....
CLIVE:
No, n-, no, no, be fair, be fair. You can call her a dirty cow but, let's face it, a lot of lobsters fancied her bum.
DEREK:
Yeah, well, I think, I-, let's face it, I think it was a fifty-fifty arrangement. I think that-, I-, I don't .....
CLIVE:
Yeah. The lob-, the lobsters didn't say, "we have the upper hand", .....
DEREK:
No.
CLIVE:
..... Jayne didn't say, "we have the upper hand" .....
DEREK:
There was no-, there was no feeling of, er, domination.
CLIVE:
No. It was a .....
DEREK:
A-, fif-
CLIVE:
..... fifty-fifty thing.
DEREK:
I think the lobsters got quite a nip out of it .....
CLIVE:
Yeah.
DEREK:
Uh-huh-huh. And, er, I think Jayne got a lot out of it.
CLIVE:
Yeah, but it was my job, my job to retrieve the lobsters from her bum after the event.
DEREK:
What event?
CLIVE:
Post hoc, te proct.
DEREK:
P-post what?
CLIVE:
Post hoc, te proct.
DEREK:
Oh, yeah, yeah.
CLIVE:
That's what it is in Latin, you know, .....
DEREK:
What-
CLIVE:
..... getting lobsters out of people's bums, after they've, er, .....
DEREK:
Oh, post hoc, te proct.
CLIVE:
Yes, yeah.
DEREK:
Well, when ..... (clears throat)
CLIVE:
But she was a sweet girl and I wouldn't knock her.
DEREK:
Well, I gather you wouldn't, no.
CLIVE:
No, I gather I wouldn't. But I'll tell you one thing Tony Newley said to me .....
DEREK:
What was that?
CLIVE:
"Who are you?"
DEREK:
Yeah? Just like that.
CLIVE:
Just like that. And I thought that made Tony Newley a-, a wonderful human being.

 

[Firestorm]

Lol you beat me Gary grrrrr:o

.

Revenge for the Spike Miligan poem.........

 

[Bazza the dog]

A few years back after arriving back from Oz potless, my good (ha) mate from the Island got me a job paying the huge sum of £3.50 and hour driving around Canvey delivering boxes full of crap to old fishwives and single Mums.

It was ****ing down with rain and freezing cold and I was working with some very odd characters ideed, lucky he is a good pal and his old man is one of the diamonds on this earth.

Thank you Jonny Campbell, I will never forget your hospitality.

Wheres that Gumtree website again!

 

[SUFC_Al]

Thames Loose Leaf, had to wake up at 4:30 in the morning when I was used to going to bed about that time, over an hour on the train and bus up to Hadleigh, 8 hours sitting at the end of a conveyor belt piling up pages from Argos catalogues.

I don't think a word has been invented to describe how (insert word) it truly was, but it was (insert word) of the highest order.

The only salvage is that they kicked us out (my bro and mate worked there) after four days for daring to ask for a day off.

:finger: :finger: Thames Loose Leaf.

 

[Mad Cyril]

Thames Loose Leaf, had to wake up at 4:30 in the morning when I was used to going to bed about that time, over an hour on the train and bus up to Hadleigh, 8 hours sitting at the end of a conveyor belt piling up pages from Argos catalogues.

I don't think a word has been invented to describe how (insert word) it truly was, but it was (insert word) of the highest order.

The only salvage is that they kicked us out (my bro and mate worked there) after four days for daring to ask for a day off.

:finger: :finger: Thames Loose Leaf.

I've worked there as well. It was better than the sponge factory.

 

[chadded]

I think we have had this one before but never mind.....




Believe it or not I had one of the better jobs in the place and had ample opportunity to skive, chat, smoke or leap off roofs/moving vehicles onto massive blocks of sponge.

QUOTE]

Sorry, but why do you think this was a bad job again??

 

[Mad Cyril]

I think we have had this one before but never mind.....




Believe it or not I had one of the better jobs in the place and had ample opportunity to skive, chat, smoke or leap off roofs/moving vehicles onto massive blocks of sponge.

QUOTE]

Sorry, but why do you think this was a bad job again??

Because it was dead end and paid terribly.

There is more to life than performing stunts for the amusement of your co-workers.

 

[SUFC_Al]

I've worked there as well. It was better than the sponge factory.

crikey, I know the sponge factory was bad but worse than TLL :eek:

 

[DTS]

When I was at college I worked in a OAP home, basically cooking.....

However once in a blue moon one of the cleaners wouldnt turn up on a Sunday morning meaning I needed to cover them this involved cleaning the rooms and emptying the comodes which made me sick.

One morning I knocked on a woman called Rose's door to see if she was ready for breakfast. No answer so knocked again.Still nothing so walked in.

As I walked in this 95 year old woman had managed to **** herself in the night and smeer it all over the walls, the carpet, the wardrobes etc and her self. It looked like someone had run a mock with a chocolate gun.

Needless to say my job was meant to be to report it and then clean it up. Rose was however fast asleep so I did what any decent male would do and slinked out the room and claimed I hadnt seen it.

I did feel a bit bad when our 14 year old sunday school girl found it and was stupid enough to report it and have to clean it - especially as it was her first day but hey - Got me out of it.

DtS

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

My claim to shame on the job-front is that I got turned down for a summer-holiday job with McDonalds on Southend High St, but only after a case of mistaken identity meant that I'd been in there for 30 minutes, flipping burgers.

It was a lucky break - after that, I got jobs on building sites and never looked back.

:)

 

[Cricko2]

a summer-holiday job with McDonalds on Southend High St,
:)

Now that is a job, South Bank Hank would dream of.:D

 

[canveyshrimper]

Now that is a job, South Bank Hank would dream of.:D

Provided it involved burgers and not cleaning the bogs.:p

 

[Mad Cyril]

My claim to shame on the job-front is that I got turned down for a summer-holiday job with McDonalds on Southend High St, but only after a case of mistaken identity meant that I'd been in there for 30 minutes, flipping burgers.

It was a lucky break - after that, I got jobs on building sites and never looked back.

:)

I was once turned down for a summer job in a dinky donut kiosk on southend seafront.