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The Business
Oct 25, 2003
In a world of my own.
Come on then ladies and gentlemen. We have all had some pretty terrible dates - so give us your horror stories.

Mine dates back to 2006 time. I was doing a mortgage for a SZ poster who I wont name for fear of dating the data protection act or something similar. We met up at London Bridge where I worked at the time to discuss said persons mortgage options.

Anyway the poster and I both had a good chat and both like a drink. Before you know it were both quite wasted. Now we met about 3pm so by 7ish were battered.

We had a nice table for four but course theres only two of us. All of the sudden a blonde "stunner" and I do not use that wordly lightly asks if her and her friend can sit down. So both sit down and all four us somehow get chatting. We must have chatted for an hour or so when my hero the SZ poster decides enough is enough and he is off home. I get up to go but these two stunner convince me to stay for one more which they are buying.

As it turns out I end up staying with these two birds until closing time. At the end they ask me if I am single. So here I am thinking we might be on for some threes up. "Yes I am" was kind of true as old Mrs DtS was on her last legs (Break up not dyng).

"Oh you must meet our friend" (?) cant recall her name might have been Sarah or something. She lives in Brighton and she is single. So I say ok give me her number. The girls agree to tell her I will text and thats it. I cant help but think if she is mates with these two stunners then she must be decent.

Never forget it - Were going to Ipswich away (Won 2-0) and Dad is about to get on the train at Shenfield when I recall the night befores antics and text this bird. Most of the day were having a bit of banter and she seems like a good laugh. I ask her for a photo and she delivers but she sends me group shots and you cant really tell who is who.

Anyway so we agree to meet up next week in Brighton for a drink. All week leading up to the meeting were texting. Now I have a personal philiosophy that if your just looking for some fun then you may as well just be smutty via text early and check out the lay of the land. So send her a rew risque texts and get a few back etc etc. Game on

The big night comes. Thursday and we meet at a pub by the station. Only been in there once with Genial Harry and Co on a train crew day out so but fair enough. Got there early and pick a nice seat by the window. Missing a lads night out for this but not to worry - be nuts in guts soon......

Every time the door opens I am thinking this could be her. A few times a stunner would walk in only to go off an join another group. I was giving up all hope when I get a text saying "30 secs away". The next 30 secs are the longest of my life. All of the sudden the doors fling open and there she is.

WTF..........No word of a lie she must have been 15 stone plus. I appreciate she isnt going to tell me that upfront but having seen me in a photo I had sent she must have thought hang on I best be honest and tell him i am a unit. She werent even good looking. I could have kind of over looked all this if she had a decent set but she didnt even have that. What a joke.

Now I am in a percarious position as I have said I have no plans all night by text incase she is saucy. As a result I kind of have to stay for a few. Got to the bar and can feel all the other blokes looking at me going "Seen who he is with". get to the bar and get her whatever she was having and ask for a Brahama for myself - Its two for one tonight said the bairmaid. I thought "**** it I will need em". so I have two bottle of beer.

After 10 bottles (only 5 rounds mind you) I have almost forgotten the embarrsement as she bores me with tails of her uneventful life. All the sudden as I pretend to be interested once more I see a few lads looking in the prime window seat which i have chosen. Its lads I used to play football with. They are looking at me with the grim that says "My god he has hit the bottom".

Made my escuses and left at 11pm. She was kept going for a kiss but even after 14 bottles of Brahama or whatever it was now I lost track i just couldnt. She then asked when she would see me again and I said not sure really....busy......call you.......She then became more and more desperate begging me to come back to her house which she shared with her widdowed Dad and give her a night of passion. Literally had to run to train and just made it as the last train pulled out.

Hadnt even got to Preston park (2 mins away) when she text me saying what a great night she ahd and how she cant wait for the next time. I didnt reply.

Must have had 70 odd texts that night all without reply and some pictures messages including shots of the old beef curtains and her charlies but nothing could make me want to reply. Finally got shot of her about six months after the event but a lesson to be learned by me I think.

Anyone else got a tale of woe to share. PS if a certain Lady from Southend says a date with me then there will be hell to pay !!!
Last edited:

Rayleigh Weir

Not just a roundabout⭐
Aug 2, 2006
You dont have notches or your bed post..........its more a pile of saw dust on the floor.....you stud!!!


Given that this is a thread for date horror stories I'm not sure that having lots of 'notches' is such a good thing. Perhaps the sawdust is to soak up some vomit...

Perth Bambi

Jan 31, 2004
Now I have to make this quick as I am going on a date in an hour with a saucy minx from work who has been sending me pictures of her in her underwear all week but here goes.

Picture the scene, May 2006, a week before my dissertation has to be in for my undergraduate degree. I live in a house of 6, three girls three guys (including me)

Now the lads were proper pub drinkers, sit in the pub on a sunday all day get wasted happy days but not big clubbers. The girls however were absolute alcoholics. Being from Hull they fancied that they could drink a bit and generally whenever they went out they tended to get so drunk they couldn't see, and generally took me with them. Happy days.

Now I studied in Leeds and basically EVERYONE is a student. In the five years I was there I never got asked what i did for a living, the question was always what did you study. Happily this generally meant most of the girls were quite up for it.

Now after a very heavy night, a lot of it spent in revolution I was quite hammered. The girls did the usual get a vodka stick (6 shots of flavoured vodka) but the thing is we didn't get this between the 3/4 of us. A round tended to be a stick each.

Now as my dissertation was in about a week later I probably shouldn't have been out as I hadn't even started writing it at this point but hey ho you only live once and by the end of the night I was a bit hammered.

I was approached by a girl (i think i was slightly hammered and couldn't really see) who started asking me about myself. So I start giving the usual crap and find out she is still a fresher. Well me being a third year I thought wahay. absolute garentee. But then that feeling where your saliva glands go into overdrive descended and i knew i was going to vomit.. Quick run up the stairs to the toilet, bugger didn't make it, oh well nobody saw back to the bar. Dam girl gone, there goes a night getting my willy wet.

The next day however my housemate got a text from this girl who apparently had got her number as she had seen her talking to me. Unfortunately neither of us could remember what said girl looked like but we agreed to go on a date anyway. The date was the night before the penultimate day before dissertation hand in and i still had to do my results and discussion section.

Now I did my usual trick of turning up at the place 15 minutes early as I didn't have a clue what she looked like, she could approach me. Being Leeds and warm there was hundreds of stunning girls walking about and everytime one came near my hopes were raised. Until the actual girl approached and they sank.

Not a bad body but face that looked like the before picture on the clearasil advert. Oh well I am not the kind of guy to just run away, better take her out like I agreed, you never know she might be fun.

We had originally agreed to go for dinner but for some reason we didn't so I hadn't eaten. Went on a bit of a bar crawl, and proceeded to get absolutely hammered.

Then to my horror, most of my close mates and their girlfriends all turn up in one of my favourite bars in Leeds. They invited themselves to sit with us, which in the end turned out to be fine as I went to sit with the lads and the girlfriends took this girl off my hands.

Happy days I bought her a few more drinks left them with her all good. At the end of the night one of thr girlfriends who I got on really well with informed me that she had invited said girl back to our house. Now I knew this wasn't because she liked her but because they wanted to wind me up but couldn't really then say no to this girl so she came back.

By this time she was back at mine, I was hammered, thought why the hell not never need to see her again. So we go into my room, things get a bit heated we get naked, all good.

Now I am pulling all my normal moves and work my way down and after a little while, splash, about ten tonnes of liquid hits me in the face. (WTF I think in my drunken haze) So what else could I do, I smell the sheets.

Happy days it isn't urine. The promised land of female ejaculation. Wahay. So what would any other self respecting guy do.

Send a text to his mates, including my housemates and Einstein and Scrounger on this site saying 'wahay female ejaculation' (She didn't seem to mind).

Anyway to cut a long story short I woke up hungover the next day, kicked her out and proceeded to balls up my dissertation which meant I didn't get a first.

I got abused about that for the rest of the year and even now when I see the lads the legendary Tiffany story comes out.

Now I better go and get ready for this date, you never know I may have another story tomorrow.


Junior Blues Coordinator⭐
Dec 27, 2007
:D The guy who was our best man did his studying in Leeds, not sure he ever had stories quite like that but yours did make me laugh!