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The Business
Oct 25, 2003
In a world of my own.
Come on then ladies and gentlemen. We have all had some pretty terrible dates - so give us your horror stories.

Mine dates back to 2006 time. I was doing a mortgage for a SZ poster who I wont name for fear of dating the data protection act or something similar. We met up at London Bridge where I worked at the time to discuss said persons mortgage options.

Anyway the poster and I both had a good chat and both like a drink. Before you know it were both quite wasted. Now we met about 3pm so by 7ish were battered.

We had a nice table for four but course theres only two of us. All of the sudden a blonde "stunner" and I do not use that wordly lightly asks if her and her friend can sit down. So both sit down and all four us somehow get chatting. We must have chatted for an hour or so when my hero the SZ poster decides enough is enough and he is off home. I get up to go but these two stunner convince me to stay for one more which they are buying.

As it turns out I end up staying with these two birds until closing time. At the end they ask me if I am single. So here I am thinking we might be on for some threes up. "Yes I am" was kind of true as old Mrs DtS was on her last legs (Break up not dyng).

"Oh you must meet our friend" (?) cant recall her name might have been Sarah or something. She lives in Brighton and she is single. So I say ok give me her number. The girls agree to tell her I will text and thats it. I cant help but think if she is mates with these two stunners then she must be decent.

Never forget it - Were going to Ipswich away (Won 2-0) and Dad is about to get on the train at Shenfield when I recall the night befores antics and text this bird. Most of the day were having a bit of banter and she seems like a good laugh. I ask her for a photo and she delivers but she sends me group shots and you cant really tell who is who.

Anyway so we agree to meet up next week in Brighton for a drink. All week leading up to the meeting were texting. Now I have a personal philiosophy that if your just looking for some fun then you may as well just be smutty via text early and check out the lay of the land. So send her a rew risque texts and get a few back etc etc. Game on

The big night comes. Thursday and we meet at a pub by the station. Only been in there once with Genial Harry and Co on a train crew day out so but fair enough. Got there early and pick a nice seat by the window. Missing a lads night out for this but not to worry - be nuts in guts soon......

Every time the door opens I am thinking this could be her. A few times a stunner would walk in only to go off an join another group. I was giving up all hope when I get a text saying "30 secs away". The next 30 secs are the longest of my life. All of the sudden the doors fling open and there she is.

WTF..........No word of a lie she must have been 15 stone plus. I appreciate she isnt going to tell me that upfront but having seen me in a photo I had sent she must have thought hang on I best be honest and tell him i am a unit. She werent even good looking. I could have kind of over looked all this if she had a decent set but she didnt even have that. What a joke.

Now I am in a percarious position as I have said I have no plans all night by text incase she is saucy. As a result I kind of have to stay for a few. Got to the bar and can feel all the other blokes looking at me going "Seen who he is with". get to the bar and get her whatever she was having and ask for a Brahama for myself - Its two for one tonight said the bairmaid. I thought "**** it I will need em". so I have two bottle of beer.

After 10 bottles (only 5 rounds mind you) I have almost forgotten the embarrsement as she bores me with tails of her uneventful life. All the sudden as I pretend to be interested once more I see a few lads looking in the prime window seat which i have chosen. Its lads I used to play football with. They are looking at me with the grim that says "My god he has hit the bottom".

Made my escuses and left at 11pm. She was kept going for a kiss but even after 14 bottles of Brahama or whatever it was now I lost track i just couldnt. She then asked when she would see me again and I said not sure really....busy......call you.......She then became more and more desperate begging me to come back to her house which she shared with her widdowed Dad and give her a night of passion. Literally had to run to train and just made it as the last train pulled out.

Hadnt even got to Preston park (2 mins away) when she text me saying what a great night she ahd and how she cant wait for the next time. I didnt reply.

Must have had 70 odd texts that night all without reply and some pictures messages including shots of the old beef curtains and her charlies but nothing could make me want to reply. Finally got shot of her about six months after the event but a lesson to be learned by me I think.

Anyone else got a tale of woe to share. PS if a certain Lady from Southend says a date with me then there will be hell to pay !!!
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