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  1. MrB


    Seen this before but still makes me chuckle. May have to try to use a few of these in every day life, especially No. 30. 1. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs. 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a tumble dryer 3...
  2. The Hall Has Eyes

    My Sleeping Habits

    Now I live near a farm, the location I am keeping quiet on. But the missus keeps saying I talk in my sleep, saying things like 'Dolly' and 'I like wool'. Now the other night, I woke up downstairs, knowing full well that I fell asleep upstairs. Then last night I woke up in a field, just...
  3. Harold Bishop Killer

    Roses & Hanging Baskets

    A teenage granddaughter Comes downstairs for her date With this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just has a fit, Telling her not to dare go out like that! The teenager tells her 'Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rose buds show!' And out she goes. The...
  4. Harold Bishop Killer

    Tuesday Jokes

    A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, But they only know how to say one thing.' 'What do they say?' the priest inquired. They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?' That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed...
  5. maninasuitcase

    A song for those not convinced by the Mildenhall signing

    To the tune of the Steelers Wheel classic. Well I don't know why I came here tonight, I got the feeling that something ain't right, I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair, And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs, Shots to the left of me, Headers to the right, here I am, Stuck...
  6. number11


    Ok, just went to our reception to meet someone who had an enquiry. When I got downstairs to meet her, I couldnt help but notice just before offering a handshake that she was in fact sat there breast feeding a baby. I found this pretty disgusting, and also slightly awkard as we had to go to...
  7. Harold Bishop Killer

    Why I Fired My Secretary

    Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. . I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday!', and possibly have a small present for me As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone 'Happy...
  8. Women are Crazy. Still.

    This will follow on from my previous thread about the crazy stalker, so If you didn't read it then this will make little sense... After telling this girl, we'll call her "Mandy", that I wasn't looking for a relationship and shooting back to Southend for the weekend, I got back here and nothing...
  9. Pale Blue Dot

    The end of an era

    i have just given my notice here @ roots hall towers. some good times here. the 3 all draw with norwich giving goal updates to the cops downstairs. ahh good times. i just feel a bit, well a bit emotional
  10. Slipperduke

    Slipperduke's Mission To Millwall

    With a few edits, this is what the good people of Singapore will be waking up to tomorrow. MtS had a very lucky escape in being cut out of the final edit. 500,000 people could have found out exactly what his idea of a pre-match meal is... As a mere, and very occasional, foot soldier of the...
  11. DTS

    Why did I open my mates parcel......My dilema

    This saturday I for the first time in ages had a day at home and did nothing. My only real aim for the day was to nip into Brighton centre and gets Mrs Dts's Xmas presents. I was meant to go at 10am but as my Hereenven side are doing well on Football Manager I didnt actaully leave till gone...
  12. DoDTS

    Boring boring Hampsters

    I was just chatting to a Borient fan on the stairs at work, when one of our business getters joined in who announced: The last time I went to football we took clients to West Ham, they were so bored by it all we nearly lost the business. Ha Ha
  13. mattytheshrimper

    How can this happen?????

    I was at last nights game at wembley and was really surprised by how many croatian fans that were is the home section. I was in the third teir near the back, it wasn't the worst thing that there were there but they were jumping around and chanting waving flags etc. once they had scored there...
  14. DTS

    Trapped in my own trousers!

    I had the most unusual experience on my life last night. Went up to Forest with my boss (Larger stakeholder for you Naps) who is a really top bloke. He is a mad Forest fan but was really gracious in defeat. I was thinking of going up my coach and staying at my mate Dom's house in Southend but...
  15. lee_sufc

    Moving help?

    Looking for a bit of advice... We recently moved and we rented a van to move ourselves. However, on the day we moved, I did my shoulder in and couldn 't manage moving a washing machine - as it involved carrying it down 2 flights of stairs at our old flat and up 1 flight of stairs at our new...
  16. DTS

    Firemans polls in office blocks.

    As I am sure most of you do - Sunday night is TV night. After Mrs DtS has conjured up a culinary delight that supassed even her own high standards (Aromatic Chicken with Apricots - Delightful) we sat down to watch the box. Mrs DtS intially made a school boy error of choosing Coronation Street...
  17. Suffolk Shrimper In Dorset

    A New Dawn

    I wake early. The early morning mist of a Summer’s day is readily burnt by the glowing yellow sun rising over south Suffolk’s gently rolling fields. Next doors much despised ****erel, 300 yards away and out of rifle range, announces the event with gusto. I amble downstairs and let out Shrimper...
  18. andrew_sthnd

    Roots Hall

    I am very much looking forward to the new stadium - I feel it will really push the club on to new levels but I tell you one thing; I ain't half gonna miss Roots Hall! I was sitting at the game last night and thinking about how much I loved the place. I still get that surge of adrenaline every...
  19. Beyonce Face-plant

    http://www.metacafe.com/watch/737578/beyonce_falls_off_stage/ be warned all these clips of beyonce falling down the stairs are getting pulled by Sony but a bit of digging found this link... for now!
  20. Winkle

    Help needed!

    A quick run threw so far, Linksys A.D.S.L. router as been dropping connection rather a lot recently went on P.C yesterday,clicked internet explorer and it said cannot find server! Done a repair but it still couldnt find a connection so I ran threw everything I could, rebooted router, checked...