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pickledseal

cowboy
Joined
Dec 6, 2004
Messages
4,933
Location
Upminster
Revelling In It
Revelling In It

This week starring:
Alan ‘Peter Jones’ McCormack
Steve ‘I just love football’ Parmenter
Adam ‘Blue blood runs through my veins’ Barrett
Anthony ‘Rocky Balboa’ Grant
Steve ‘Big Bird’ Mildenhall
An introducing (again)…..
Lee ‘Birdsnest hair’ Sawyer


Personally, I’ve had a great return to action. Last Friday was an accumulation of six months hard work and prior to stepping on to the pitch at Great Wakering I’m not ashamed to admit, I was a little nervous. Twenty fours hours later and after playing in my second game, and getting back on the scoresheet, it felt like I’d never been away.

Being where I am now has made me realise how lucky I am, lucky (in a weird way) that I had what’s called a clean break which meant my injury was never career threatening, lucky that I had great people in John Stannard, Laurence Bloom and Ben Clarkson looking after me, and lucky to have had great support from you guys to guide me through such a tough period.

But now I’m back and raring to go.

Wakering was a decent run out to be fair and after we were warned not to injure Macca’s housemate in case he couldn’t pay the rent, we actually played some decent football at times. Talking of Macca, those of you at the game will have noticed he cleared more balls out of the ground than his usual ‘clinical’ self and we were left questioning whether his boots didn’t fit properly. It was only on Sunday night while searching eBay for a bargain I noticed his cunning plan:

Item for sale: Mitre matchballs for sale

Product details: size 5 FIFA approved matchball, with handstitched panels, perfect for any serious football club

Sellers Details: alan_macca@iknowwherethebackofthenetis.com


Needless to say, Macca had been aiming for his back garden whilst practising his shooting, and his money making scheme had been rumbled, not until kit man (loosely termed) Parms had bought four at the ‘Buy It Now’ price mind!

Speaking of which, I’ve been hearing from the forums that there was a little nervousness due to the lack of signings thus far, but one signing everyone (including us) had missed was the signing of Steve Parmenter (the kit man) for this season.

Imagine the shock when we entered the dressing rooms at Wakering to find him eating his pasta and bandaging himself up. Then we knew there was a chance he could be playing (as a last resort mind as first reserve Sid Broomfield withdrew with blisters after the warm-up). Nothing shocks me when it comes to Parms' eagerness for a kick around, although we all thought he took it a bit far when we saw that he’d got Dougie Freedman to polish his boots for him!

With Parms being promoted to attacking maestro it meant that we had no kit when we arrived for the game, so Captain Barrett had to drive the van back to Roots Hall to fetch it for us. Once he’d left Parms informed us that he’d taken care of it, and ten minutes later Adam phoned up saying that the kit wasn’t anywhere to be found.

Confused, we summoned Captain Marvel back to Wakering, and when he arrived he’d came armed with the skip filled with the playing kit. Apparently on his way back up Eastern Avenue he came across Alf Bilby (the REAL SUFC kit man) dragging the skip by his bare hands up the middle of the road. So if you were late to the game due to traffic then you know where to direct your complaints!!!!

Some of us got back into the swing of things quicker than others, and Granty was the quickest, wasting no time in reigniting his love for opposition players with a little ‘handbags (or should I say manbags in Granty’s case) at ten paces’ with one of the Wakering lads.

Fortunately for Granty the duel didn’t last too long, as there’s no way he’d have lasted more than a minute due to the fact that we don’t think he’s eaten since the End of Season Ball and he wouldn’t have had the energy to carry on.

Saturday’s game against Witham was a beneficial exercise and whilst the pitch was no where near the standard of Wakering’s I think we played some decent football at times. Personally I think we are all slightly ahead of schedule and we look more together as a team than we did this time last year which can only be a positive thing.

Against Canvey last night was an equally decent run out for the boys, and for those of you who were there, Dougie’s finish was the highlight – great work from Parms’ bootboy!

The only other point of note is that I don’t think the gaffer fully briefed the French lads on Canvey, as Jeff and Francis Laurent both turned up in hawaian shirts with a set of boules enquiring where ‘le plage’ was!!

It’s pleasing that the banter has returned almost immediately since our return, with most of it aimed at Mildy (Steve Mildenhall).

Steve has spent a long time in the US this summer, he claims seeing friends although we think he’s been cramming in intense filming for the lastest season of Sesame Street! And apparently we have two models at the Club as Steve looks like he’s just stepped out of an Ambercrombie and Fitch catalogue, although we reckon it’s Avercrombie and Fitch he’s been modelling for, specifically the sock or gloves section of the catalogue!

Not only this, Steve claims that he’s lost weight and that his clothes are a little loose around him. It was only on inspection that the only clothes which are loose on him are the ones he brought from Amercia, a country who produce clothes a size bigger than the UK for the fuller US citizen, ohh dear Mr Mildenhall!

To be fair to Steve though, he did himself proud on the sprinting drills and he seems to have lost the caravan he’s been dragging around with him to date, so the trip abroad seems to have done him the world of good.

Yesterday I received a phone call which I’m sure every shopkeeper in Southend has been dreading as I received the news that ASBO Sawyer is returning to the Club.

I knew something was up as I entered the training ground today to see that security has been heightened from a rubber band around the front door, to a deadlock system and individual lockers. Not only this I noticed that Waitrose next door were installing new CCTV camera’s pointing in our direction; they must have been tipped off by the Club!!

However, we can’t wait to see Lee back at training, if not just to see the long awaited return for the shell suit to Boots N Laces, which before Lee arrived we hadn’t seen since Brian Dear arrived at the Club all those many moons ago!

Seriously, Lee is a quality player and will not doubt be a great addition to the team this campaign.

With Lee in mind I’ve got a simple, yet very effective treat in mind for this week’s dish:

Dish Of The Week – Chorizo Pasta Bake – it’s simply any tomato based sauce, but fry the chorizo for a few minutes before adding to the dish, you won’t be disappointed!

Take care and I’ll see you all soon.
Up the Blues!
Revs
 

Jay_Shrimper

Mummy's Little Soldier
Joined
Jan 7, 2007
Messages
2,643
Best bit of it for me was this bit:

Yesterday I received a phone call which I’m sure every shopkeeper in Southend has been dreading as I received the news that ASBO Sawyer is returning to the Club.

I knew something was up as I entered the training ground today to see that security has been heightened from a rubber band around the front door, to a deadlock system and individual lockers. Not only this I noticed that Waitrose next door were installing new CCTV camera’s pointing in our direction; they must have been tipped off by the Club!!

Hilarious!!
 
Joined
Feb 17, 2004
Messages
19,752
Location
G69
Well at least the players sound like a happy bunch just now.
Hopefully this banter will equate to a great team spirit & therefore produce a togetherness on the pitch!
 

pickledseal

cowboy
Joined
Dec 6, 2004
Messages
4,933
Location
Upminster
I honestly think they put all his blogs into a book and sold it in the club shop it would be a best seller. In the absnece of a Season Review DVD for the last two years, all the blogs put into print for us would go some way to make up for it!
 

Rob Noxious

Retro Supremo⭐
Joined
Oct 23, 2008
Messages
7,364
Location
Penzance
He seems a smashing bloke but I want forwards who can smash into other blokes and score goals. It's not too much to ask, is it?
 
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