one flew over the cockles nest
First XI
- Joined
- Jul 21, 2004
- Messages
- 287
Well well well he we go people another night with a difference brought to you by MC Cocky Cockles as Young Run Master Barry the Dog....................................
It all started on dark dark night in stratford myself and my trusty side kick Barry the Dog , met our old mate from Australia Poety for a few beers then we set off for our undercover mission to Brisbain Road, we had hired the best mini cab the Talibahn could spare us for the short journey through the islamic streets of the holly town of Leytonstone, we arrived at our enemy target, coordinated watches at exactly 07:03, and we where off under cover, barry had gone for the dark red jumper with a red and white scarf and I had gone for the Southend away kit with shin pads from the 1998 season ( I was wearing Molded studs, to combat the slippery stairs). We waltzed (not literally) in to enemy base at around 07.08, said hello to a couple more brave shrimpers I new who where enjoying a burger, I believe they may have thrown our disguise by asking anyone who would listen, where the toilets where??? why would they need to know that when they come here every week, I did chuckle to myself that they obviously hadn't been through the same SAS training as myself and the dog. anyway I met my mate Steve, whos one of my best pals, but unfortunately he has managed to land himself a job as the Orient Reserve team phisyo (if anyone knows anyone more famouse than steve, then I would love to hear from you). Apart from all his Vises Steves a top fella and brought us round some programmes and grub and that, we had a quick chat and off we went to grab our seats amongst the bellends.Well all was going very well, I was enjoy all the unsuspecting Orient fans verbal they where giving Southend and in particulare Tilly, but then the inevitable happened (well we had been watching the game for 6 minutes), a tipical trappy Oriant tw*t sitting behind us started tacking the rise out of Bramble , I was quite inclind to join in!!!, but barry turned round to him and his party and informed them that............' Im f**king Southend you mouthy c**t, and if you and your f**king mates want it ill bite your f**king Nose off'. All those months of military training, all those nights of running through our routine, and what to say and what not to say had been blown,....and for that Barry I love you, this is what we where in here for all those months of having to put up with c**ts like that invading our web sites to tell us what they where going to do to us, and what they where going to do to the Southend team, blah blah blah, well here is here and now is now Orient and WE ARE f**kING HERE< SO YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY LETS GET IT OVER WITH!!!!!!
But this whole situation blew over with barry few chossen words of wisdom, and the fact that the fella and his party where trying to shovel 8 tones of sh*t out of there Yfronts, with out being noticed, oooh and the fact that Matt Lockwood had just put them 1 up.......... It was at this point that I realised that we where guests of honours in there end, because at that point of scoring I had never felt so welcome ,there fans running down the isle to come and shake our hands, patting us on the back with coins! and so on. It was then that I realised there where a family of 4 sitting about 6 rows in front of ourselves who also didnt get up to cheer, but more so where the 3 lumps who sat directly over my right shoulder who also didnt cheer, so now there was 5 of us. the banter only got worse, but im cockles and I was so calm I was ****ing ice cubes, I was loving this hostile situation, all those years in the TA had tort me well.*
Fredie scores Me, Barry and one of the lumps behind got up as if at a home game and just proper cheered and hugged each other, well this wasnt as bad as I thought, I let barry get on with his own little battle, but all in all not to bad, nothing could prepare us for the hostile reaction we where about to receive. Up step Wayne Grey hoo hoo f**k did they not like that !!! again we f**king got up and cheered (because quite frankly I don't give a f**k) we turned from being the most popular guest at a party to being leppers, again I was luving this. Jewiish taxi drivers, bakers, the bloke that picks your rubbish up, accountants, grandads, grandads mums, a washing machine, young kids the f**king lot I kid you not they went f**king mental at us, but it was as if there was an imaginary cage 3 foot away from us because all through the threats and the gestures, and boxing moves they where thowing at us, they would nt come with in 3 foot of us (hear that Orient what ever you say, you had your chance to f**king linch us, but you didnt have the bollox, buda bing buda bong!)anyway by this time about 20 stewards and 10 riot police had pilled up to us, this is the funny thing all the Orient fans are pointing at us and the stewards asked me if im Southend ( and in front of us where 2 divvy orient fans in there Orient shirts sitting) anyway I informed the steward that I wasnt Southend but the 2 infront where!!! pointing at these two dives, and the stewards tried to pull them out,to the protests of the spotty boy, ha ha ha f**king classic, I informed the steward(who I would like to say was excellent) that I was only joking at that yes were where in fact the mighty Southend, he was f**king brilliant this fella, basicallly told the Orient fans that yes they are southend but there is law in cheering your team, and that we were not braking any laws by sitting there enjoying ou football, he asked us how many there where of us I informed him there where 25 of us, his face turned to terror, I done my famous southend wink to him that has won me so many super models, and informed him that there where in fact only 5 of us, he said that if we promise to behave on our walk out of the ground, then he would re house us in the Southend end, I had no reason not to believe this, and away we went, It was now that I realised why Barry loves hanging around with me, because he has got bright Ginger hair, but the fact that I am about 25 stone, I deflect the sh*t he would get on to me, So through the crys of ' f**k off you big fat c**t' and you fat *******, I shadow boxed and blew them all kisses , whilst informing them with a big smile on my face the score, it was then that I really realised my life and reputation was in danger when out of row M came the 2 gamest traffic wardens I had ever seen, its amazing how brave they came when we had 20 riot police round us!! anyway this pr*cks thown a punch at me through the melly, and in a second of controlled violence I managed to pinch him on his nose, even to the chuckles of the police, who cracked up, true to there word the marched us through to the Southend end, and that was the night at Orient really.
A couple of things Im glad I wasnt in there end when they scored to bring it level, then It would have gone off!!
Who where the Heros behind the goal fighting for Queen country and Super Super Che Wilson?
* that was a joke ive never been in the TA!!
and lastly whilst waiting for my mate Steve after the game for a lift back to Southend, I bumped into Tilly, Now I know Steve pretty well, through people I know,and out of the dark I heard 'big Andy' what where you doing up there, I thought you where going to get killed!! What a legend you are Tilly ,what a relationship you have with the fans, loong may you rain!!!
Lastly Respect to 'the man who likes trains, for managing to last the whole game in the home end as well, no matter what you lot think of him, he is like us Southend through and through
Now on to Bury and the next stop on the Cockle Express, where we have a mini bus driven none other than everyones favourite character 'THE BUILDER' out of retirement. The story continues.................................
It all started on dark dark night in stratford myself and my trusty side kick Barry the Dog , met our old mate from Australia Poety for a few beers then we set off for our undercover mission to Brisbain Road, we had hired the best mini cab the Talibahn could spare us for the short journey through the islamic streets of the holly town of Leytonstone, we arrived at our enemy target, coordinated watches at exactly 07:03, and we where off under cover, barry had gone for the dark red jumper with a red and white scarf and I had gone for the Southend away kit with shin pads from the 1998 season ( I was wearing Molded studs, to combat the slippery stairs). We waltzed (not literally) in to enemy base at around 07.08, said hello to a couple more brave shrimpers I new who where enjoying a burger, I believe they may have thrown our disguise by asking anyone who would listen, where the toilets where??? why would they need to know that when they come here every week, I did chuckle to myself that they obviously hadn't been through the same SAS training as myself and the dog. anyway I met my mate Steve, whos one of my best pals, but unfortunately he has managed to land himself a job as the Orient Reserve team phisyo (if anyone knows anyone more famouse than steve, then I would love to hear from you). Apart from all his Vises Steves a top fella and brought us round some programmes and grub and that, we had a quick chat and off we went to grab our seats amongst the bellends.Well all was going very well, I was enjoy all the unsuspecting Orient fans verbal they where giving Southend and in particulare Tilly, but then the inevitable happened (well we had been watching the game for 6 minutes), a tipical trappy Oriant tw*t sitting behind us started tacking the rise out of Bramble , I was quite inclind to join in!!!, but barry turned round to him and his party and informed them that............' Im f**king Southend you mouthy c**t, and if you and your f**king mates want it ill bite your f**king Nose off'. All those months of military training, all those nights of running through our routine, and what to say and what not to say had been blown,....and for that Barry I love you, this is what we where in here for all those months of having to put up with c**ts like that invading our web sites to tell us what they where going to do to us, and what they where going to do to the Southend team, blah blah blah, well here is here and now is now Orient and WE ARE f**kING HERE< SO YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY LETS GET IT OVER WITH!!!!!!
But this whole situation blew over with barry few chossen words of wisdom, and the fact that the fella and his party where trying to shovel 8 tones of sh*t out of there Yfronts, with out being noticed, oooh and the fact that Matt Lockwood had just put them 1 up.......... It was at this point that I realised that we where guests of honours in there end, because at that point of scoring I had never felt so welcome ,there fans running down the isle to come and shake our hands, patting us on the back with coins! and so on. It was then that I realised there where a family of 4 sitting about 6 rows in front of ourselves who also didnt get up to cheer, but more so where the 3 lumps who sat directly over my right shoulder who also didnt cheer, so now there was 5 of us. the banter only got worse, but im cockles and I was so calm I was ****ing ice cubes, I was loving this hostile situation, all those years in the TA had tort me well.*
Fredie scores Me, Barry and one of the lumps behind got up as if at a home game and just proper cheered and hugged each other, well this wasnt as bad as I thought, I let barry get on with his own little battle, but all in all not to bad, nothing could prepare us for the hostile reaction we where about to receive. Up step Wayne Grey hoo hoo f**k did they not like that !!! again we f**king got up and cheered (because quite frankly I don't give a f**k) we turned from being the most popular guest at a party to being leppers, again I was luving this. Jewiish taxi drivers, bakers, the bloke that picks your rubbish up, accountants, grandads, grandads mums, a washing machine, young kids the f**king lot I kid you not they went f**king mental at us, but it was as if there was an imaginary cage 3 foot away from us because all through the threats and the gestures, and boxing moves they where thowing at us, they would nt come with in 3 foot of us (hear that Orient what ever you say, you had your chance to f**king linch us, but you didnt have the bollox, buda bing buda bong!)anyway by this time about 20 stewards and 10 riot police had pilled up to us, this is the funny thing all the Orient fans are pointing at us and the stewards asked me if im Southend ( and in front of us where 2 divvy orient fans in there Orient shirts sitting) anyway I informed the steward that I wasnt Southend but the 2 infront where!!! pointing at these two dives, and the stewards tried to pull them out,to the protests of the spotty boy, ha ha ha f**king classic, I informed the steward(who I would like to say was excellent) that I was only joking at that yes were where in fact the mighty Southend, he was f**king brilliant this fella, basicallly told the Orient fans that yes they are southend but there is law in cheering your team, and that we were not braking any laws by sitting there enjoying ou football, he asked us how many there where of us I informed him there where 25 of us, his face turned to terror, I done my famous southend wink to him that has won me so many super models, and informed him that there where in fact only 5 of us, he said that if we promise to behave on our walk out of the ground, then he would re house us in the Southend end, I had no reason not to believe this, and away we went, It was now that I realised why Barry loves hanging around with me, because he has got bright Ginger hair, but the fact that I am about 25 stone, I deflect the sh*t he would get on to me, So through the crys of ' f**k off you big fat c**t' and you fat *******, I shadow boxed and blew them all kisses , whilst informing them with a big smile on my face the score, it was then that I really realised my life and reputation was in danger when out of row M came the 2 gamest traffic wardens I had ever seen, its amazing how brave they came when we had 20 riot police round us!! anyway this pr*cks thown a punch at me through the melly, and in a second of controlled violence I managed to pinch him on his nose, even to the chuckles of the police, who cracked up, true to there word the marched us through to the Southend end, and that was the night at Orient really.
A couple of things Im glad I wasnt in there end when they scored to bring it level, then It would have gone off!!
Who where the Heros behind the goal fighting for Queen country and Super Super Che Wilson?
* that was a joke ive never been in the TA!!
and lastly whilst waiting for my mate Steve after the game for a lift back to Southend, I bumped into Tilly, Now I know Steve pretty well, through people I know,and out of the dark I heard 'big Andy' what where you doing up there, I thought you where going to get killed!! What a legend you are Tilly ,what a relationship you have with the fans, loong may you rain!!!
Lastly Respect to 'the man who likes trains, for managing to last the whole game in the home end as well, no matter what you lot think of him, he is like us Southend through and through
Now on to Bury and the next stop on the Cockle Express, where we have a mini bus driven none other than everyones favourite character 'THE BUILDER' out of retirement. The story continues.................................
